Somewhere in Between
by Cieyl
Summary: 'Just one more year', is what Tris thought on the first day of her senior year. But soon, she realizes that the last year of high school might not be so easy, because along with the piles of schoolwork and her uncertainties about life after high school, she also finds her relationship with her best friend becoming complicated.
1. Chapter 01

I guess this story will be joining the giant heap of Divergent high school fics. I only read one or two of them, so I hope this doesn't closely resemble something that's already out there.

Important things to note:  
- For plot convenience sake, most of 'the gang' are high school seniors. Caleb is older than Tris by 10 months, as is Zeke to Uriah. Lynn and Susan are juniors but they are relatively minor characters.  
- Marcus is not abusive, but definitely not an ideal father either.  
- Sorry for OOC and clichés  
- Time jumps. There will be a fair number of them, usually by days or weeks. They're hinted at in the story, but it's not like a direct 'a few weeks later' in bold and underlined.  
- This is a Fourtris fic! But, it will take a _long_ while for them to get there. There will be fluff but the first half mostly focuses on their friendship. And they will see other people along the way.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Divergent trilogy or any of its characters.

* * *

**Chapter 01**

**- Tris -**

I dig deeper into the tunnel of blankets and groan as an energetic song plays on my phone. I vaguely remember accepting my brother's suggestion of 'a cheerful alarm for the first day of school', but I quickly regret the idea as I reach out for my phone to shut it off. Sunlight seeps through the window as I sit up and rub the sleep out of my eyes. I sigh at the thought of another school year.

But then again, maybe it's not just another year. It's my senior year, the last year of high school. The prospect that I may be somewhere different in a year's time makes me excited and nervous at the same time. I should enjoy high school as much as I can while it lasts. Just one more year.

I wash up quickly in the bathroom, humming to a happy tune and laughing when I realize it's the same song that was playing on my phone only minutes ago. I should probably thank Caleb for getting it stuck in my head. After getting ready and throwing on some casual clothes, I grab my backpack and head downstairs.

"Good morning, Beatrice," my dad greets from his spot on the breakfast counter.

"Good morning." I hang my backpack on the seat beside his and sit down while my mom places a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of me.

"Do you want a ride today?" My mom asks as she turns to clean up the kitchen.

I open my mouth to speak but Dad beats me to it.

"Someone's waiting for you outside."

I turn instinctively to look at the front door even though I can't see through it. "Why didn't you let him in?" I ask after swallowing a bite.

"I did, but he insisted on waiting outside. See, I think he's learned to avoid Mom's lectures about eating breakfast," Dad jokes.

I grin at my mom but she shakes her head. "Oh, that boy," she sighs. "Maybe I should bring a tray of breakfast out to him."

"Mom, he's not a dog." I roll my eyes and chug down a glass of orange juice. "And just let him be, or you'll scare him off and I'll have to walk to school alone."

"You can always walk with Caleb and Susan," Dad suggests.

"I think I'd rather walk alone," I mutter, imagining being a third wheel between my brother and his girlfriend. I hurriedly clean the dishes and grab my backpack before heading out. "Have a good day," I yell to my parents.

I hear them both yell back a 'you too,' just as I leave the house. I turn to see a tall figure sitting on the steps of our porch with a backpack over his shoulders.

"You're late," he says as he stands up.

"No, I'm not."

"You have no idea how long I've been sitting here."

I shrug. "You could've come in, Tobias."

He frowns as I walk past him. "Don't call me that."

"You could've come in, _Four_."

It's a stupid nickname, but he's kept it for a long time. Both our fathers are part of the municipal government; they're friends, so Tobias and I met when we were very little—at the age of four, to be exact. I remember how he stood stoically in front of me and announced 'I'm four.' He was telling me his age but I mistook it for his name. I smile at the memory. Since then, Four's been his nickname, and the whole school pretty much addresses him that way now. Ever since we started high school, he introduces himself as Four to others. When I asked him why, he said he didn't like his real name.

I didn't need to ask to know it's because his father gave that name to him. His relationship with his dad had never been good. And since his mom died when he was six, he stayed with my family whenever his dad works late, which was very often. It has come to the point where he freely calls my parents 'Mom and Dad'. For his real dad, he just calls him 'Marcus' these days, except in front of my parents, he would formally call him 'father'. It usually sounds stiff and estranged, which accurately describes their relationship anyways.

"No thanks," Tobias replies while catching up to me. "Mom's always telling me to eat breakfast."

"Well, maybe you should."

He rolls his eyes and changes the subject. "Where's Caleb?"

"He left early. Student council meeting …or something."

"On the first day of school?"

I nod at his disbelieving voice.

"I'm glad I'm not the president."

"As if anyone would vote for you anyway," I scoff.

"Hey, I'd get lots of votes."

"Yeah, right. Based on what?"

Tobias stops in front of me, halting my steps, and gives me a boyish grin. "My good looks."

I push him away, sticking my tongue out as if I'm about to throw up. "Please don't make me lose my breakfast."

He chuckles and tries to ruffle my hair while I try to ward him off.

It's always been like this between us—easy talks and playful banters. It never made sense to me how Tobias and I grew to be so close even though he and Caleb are barely friends. The two of them get along fine but they don't really hang out together. When we were little, I thought I would eventually be left out because I was the girl in the group but I was wrong. Caleb eventually found his own group of friends who shared more common interests with him.

I love my brother, but Tobias has become someone important to me too. I can talk to him about almost anything, and he probably knows me better than I know myself. Our friendship really makes me wonder if there's truth in the saying 'best friends forever'. I guess only time will tell.

-x-

When we get to school, the hallways are crowded. Some students congregate in groups in the middle, talking and comparing timetables.

A loud squeal to the side catches my attention and I turn to see a girl with bright red hair hugging another girl as their group of friends break into greeting. To the side of the group, I see Christina rolling her eyes as she looks around for a familiar face. When she sees me, she squeals loudly too.

"Tris!" Christina shouts dramatically, imitating the cherry-haired girl. "It's been _so_ long!"

She runs over and engulfs me in a theatrical hug while I laugh.

"Very funny, Chris. We talked yesterday."

"I know, right?" Christina pulls back with an irritated face. "Are these people for real? Do they really not keep in contact over the summer? It must be great to have friends like that."

I just smile at her bluntness.

"I swear, if I hear another squeal, I'm-…oh, hey Four. Didn't see you there," Christina says to the boy beside me.

Tobias furrows his brow. "Wow, thanks."

Christina shrugs casually. "So, have you seen everyone else?"

"We just got here." He looks around briefly just as a bell rings. Our school anthem begins to play; it's a song that's exactly five minutes to help us countdown to the start of the school day. "I guess we'll just see them at lunch. I'm heading this way." He jerks his thumb towards one of the smaller hallways.

"What class?"

"P.E."

"Oh. Definitely don't have the same class with you then," Christina laughs. Our school's P.E. classes are sorted by grades and gender.

The two of us wave goodbye to Tobias before I turn to Christina. "English?"

"Yup." Christina grabs my wrist and pulls me along. We weave through the crowds of people as we head to our class.

The first class of our last high school year.

* * *

This chapter is kind of short and prologue-ish, so I might post the next chapter real soon. I've written up to six chapters at the moment. Any thoughts so far?

I also deleted the story I was working on from a few months back. If anyone was waiting for that, sorry, and please read the blurb on my profile.


	2. Chapter 02

I am absolutely _obsessed_ with the traffic graph on my story stats page. It's not healthy, and I hate it. I don't actually care about what it means, I know 'viewing' doesn't necessarily mean 'reading', but I have an obsession with watching the numbers go up—it's interfering with my writing. Is this a problem for all authors? Or is it just me and my OCD?

That being said, I do appreciate your reviews, favs, and follows. Thanks for the support! (:

* * *

**Chapter 02**

**- Tris -**

English proves to be a boring class. Since it's the start of our day, we also have ten minutes dedicated to homeroom—which includes announcements, locker assignments, and reminders of school rules. As for our actual class, we spend most of the time discussing the curriculum. I'm glad we don't have to play introductory games anymore; I always found those to be awkward. Aside from the few new students, most of us know each other's names since it's our fourth year together.

When the bell rings for second period, Christina and I head off, separating after a bit as we have different classes. I enter one of the science rooms for my chemistry class.

Inside, I notice that the teacher hasn't arrived yet. Caleb and his group of friends sit near the front and I wave to him, but then I head towards the back where Uriah and Tobias are sitting beside each other. People used to think Caleb and I don't get along, but the truth is just that we have our own group of friends.

I take the seat in front of Uriah and gestures at the seat next to mine, giving Tobias a look. He raises his eyebrow at first, but then nods and gets up to take the seat.

"What the hell? What's that supposed to mean?" Uriah shouts.

I give him a teasing smile. "He's my best friend, not yours."

Uriah rolls his eyes. "It's not like he's your boyfriend," he scoffs.

I glare at him. Comments like these always make me angry. I hate it when our friends imply there's something between Tobias and I because honestly, there isn't. And maybe I should just laugh it off or ignore them but I can't, not when my blood is boiling. They've learned to keep quiet over the years but once in a while, something like this will pop up.

"We're doing you a favour, Pedrad." Tobias says.

Uriah looks at us skeptically.

"Mar's in this class," I huff out.

"Oh…" He replies sheepishly and fidgets in his seat. "How do you know?"

"We compared timetables yesterday."

"Oh," Uriah repeats dumbly. After a few seconds, a goofy smile breaks out on his face.

I can't help but smile too even though I was angry at him just a minute ago. Both he and Marlene have that kind of effect on people—which is only one of the many reasons why they make such a cute pair. They're still in the process of crushing on each other but most of us think it's only a matter of time before they start dating.

I turn to the front of the classroom just in time to see Marlene scrambling through the doorway along with some other classmates. After noticing there's no teacher in the classroom, she sighs in relief before heading towards us.

"Morning," she says cheerfully and takes the seat Tobias abandoned.

We greet her briefly just as our chemistry teacher enters the room. Dressed in her signature blue dress, Ms. Matthews' heels clink against the tile floors as she walks towards the center of the room and introduces herself. She's known to Caleb as 'the best teacher in our school', but to the rest of the student body as 'the strictest teacher in our school'. I inwardly sigh at the thought and brace myself as Ms. Matthews begins her lesson without hesitation.

-x-

"Ugh, what the hell was she talking about?" Uriah sigh as the four of us enter the cafeteria. "I was paying attention, really. But I didn't get a thing she was saying!"

"Me neither." Tobias frowns. "According to our pop quiz scores, we're 'below her expectations'."

"Expectations, my ass. It's only the first day of school. Give us a break."

"Well, we technically just had break," I say, referring to our summer vacation. Uriah, Marlene, and Tobias gives me an odd look and I add, "Not that I agree to the pile of homework she assigned us. …Hey, I'm just saying…"

Uriah rolls his eyes as he plops down at our usual cafeteria table. Tobias, on the other hand, gives me a playful flick on the forehead and I glare at him before settling down with him and Marlene. Zeke, Shauna, Christina, and Will are already eating lunch and making small talk.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Zeke smirks at his little brother's irritation.

"Matthews."

"Ah…"

Will cringes visibly. "I was in her chem 11 class last year. It was hell."

I tune out the boy's chatters about our horrible chemistry teacher. Marlene is asking Shauna and Christina about how their classes went and I listen half-heartedly to their conversation as I eat my lunch.

So far, the first day of my senior year feels like any other first days—noticing a few new faces among familiar ones, complaining about homework on our first day back, bad mouthing about teachers we hate, eating lunch in the crowded cafeteria. Everything is familiar and habitual, and I have a feeling by tomorrow, summer vacation will feel like something that happened an eon ago. Soon enough, exams will be around the corner and we'll be making post-secondary plans. A feeling of dread spreads through me as I think about the uncertainties of life beyond high school. _What am I going to do?_

Someone literally kicks me out of my thoughts. I hiss in pain—that'll probably bruise tomorrow. I look up at the person sitting across from me, Zeke, and give him a questioning look.

"Uh, damn. Sorry, Tris. I meant to kick Four," Zeke apologizes.

Beside me, Tobias raises an eyebrow at Zeke and I watch as Zeke nods toward something over his shoulder. He turns to see what Zeke is gesturing to and out of curiosity, I do too.

In the far corner of the cafeteria, a group of senior girls are coming in. I recognize most of them from previous years though there's no one I'm actually acquainted to. They're all tall with pretty faces and the type of body I'd probably be attracted to too if I was a guy.

I move my gaze between Zeke, Tobias, and the group of girls, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out what's going on—not when Zeke, who has a girlfriend, is smirking at Tobias, who's pink in the ears. I silently mouth "which one" to Zeke.

"Brunette. Purple Shirt," he whispers.

I check to see who he's talking about.

"Lauren?" I ask, and am confirmed by Zeke's nod.

Tobias seems to be ignoring the two of us. I watch in amusement as he picks at his sandwich like it's an interesting artifact. I reach out to pinch his cheek.

"Why do you only blush in your ear?" I tease.

He swats my hand away while Zeke and I laugh. I turn around again to see Lauren sitting down with her friends a few tables away.

_She's pretty._

-x-

After lunch, I have creative writing with Christina and Shauna, which is like having another English class. Then, we all join Marlene for PE. The day passes by quickly and soon, we're all having frozen yogurt as celebration. According to the Pedrad brothers, surviving the first day of school is a big accomplishment.

I find myself walking home with Tobias as usual after hanging out with our friends. Most of them live in other parts of the neighbourhood while the two of us live a street away from each other.

I pull out my phone when it vibrates to indicate a text.

_Dad and Marcus have a late meeting. Make sure Tobias comes for dinner. – Mom_

I roll my eyes at the message and shove my phone in Tobias' hands.

"Why doesn't she just text me?" He asks after reading it.

"Maybe because you tend to decline free food."

"I'm more likely to say no to you than to Mom." He smirks and gives the phone back to me.

"Just come. Marcus won't be home anyway."

"It doesn't make a difference to me if he's home or not."

"Well, come so I don't have to sit through dinner alone and listen to Caleb idolize Matthews."

"What you're saying is, I should come suffer with you," he clarifies with a chuckle.

I shrug and let out a short laugh. "That's what best friends do."

Tobias rolls his eyes and I take that as an agreement. A comfortable silence settles between us as we walk side by side. Our hands brush each other occasionally and I rub at mine to get rid of the ticklish feeling.

"So…" I begin cautiously. "Lauren…"

He stares straight ahead and doesn't respond. I huff in annoyance; the fact that Tobias has a crush on someone and never told me about it bothers me. He talked to Zeke about it but not me. I inwardly laugh at what my thoughts are implying. _I'm jealous of Zeke._

After a few more seconds, Tobias hums to show he's listening.

"She seems nice," I say.

"Do you even know her?"

"She's in my PE class. And she's friends with Shauna."

Another hum.

"…Wait. How do _you_ know her?"

I know I'm not entitled to know every single one of Tobias' friends just because I'm his best friend, but it just so happens neither of us are social butterflies. Other than our small group of friends, we don't interact with a lot of other people.

"She works with me at the community center."

"Oh… another instructor? Hm, I guess teaching basketball to five to ten year olds can be a hassle," I muse out loud. "To be honest, I can't really imagine the two of you together …but she seems like a nice person."

Tobias tries to hide the smile tugging at his lips but gives into it in the end.

I roll my eyes. "Nicole's prettier though."

"Seriously?" He asks incredulously. "Why are you mentioning Nicole all of a sudden?"

"What? Does mentioning your ex bug you?" I tease.

"We only dated for a few weeks, Tris. And that was two years ago."

"I'm just saying… she's prettier. I think I like people with red hair."

He gives me a disbelieving look.

"What? I just think red hair's pretty. It's rare too, you know, red hair is a recessive trait."

"You sound like Caleb. Hey, last time I checked, blond hair is a recessive trait too." Tobias ruffles my hair and I scowl at him.

"So what?" I snap back, attempting to fix my hair.

"So, blondes are rare and pretty too," he concludes, and I grin like an idiot despite myself. "Peter seems to have a thing for blondes. His current girlfriend is a blonde."

I quickly lose my grin and punch Tobias hard on the arm. "Jerk," I mumble.

He smiles and mocks, "What? Does mentioning your ex bug you?"

"You can't compare Nicole to Peter! Nicole was actually nice. Peter's an asshole." I bite my lower lip. Swearing is supposed to come naturally to people my age but I hate the guilty feeling I get when I swear.

"Exactly. What did you see in him? Please enlighten me." Tobias wears a smug smirk and I'm tempted to slap it off his face. I resort to giving him another punch on the arm instead.

"Oh, shut up," I mutter while stomping ahead. I can hear him laughing as he lags behind, and he doesn't bother to catch up to me. Still, I can hear his footsteps following mine as we turn the corner and continue walking to my house.

* * *

Their high school is split into two semesters with four subjects per semester. Every day of a semester is the same. This means Tris' classes are English, Chemistry, Lunch, Creative Writing, and PE, everyday (in that order) for the first semester. I don't know if this is strange for anyone but that's how I experienced high school.

Also, red hair and blond hair being recessive is not entirely correct due to incomplete dominance and polygenic inheritance. But this is fanfiction and we shouldn't focus so much on the itty-bitty details. :P (And I think high school science often simplifies them to just 'recessive traits' so, I'll just leave it as that.)


	3. Chapter 03

**Chapter 03**

**- Tobias -**

Dinner at the Prior household is accompanied by sharing time. It's when the family sits down together and asks each other about their day.

When I was little, I thought it was stupid. On most days, Caleb, Tris, and I talked about our classes and school while Mom and Dad spoke of some events at their workplaces. The discussions are usually boring and I would rather keep to myself.

But as time went on, I began to like sharing time. Maybe because dinner at my home is a lonely affair; even when Marcus is at home, we eat dinner separately and never talk to each other. It's only at the Prior household can I experience what family is supposed to feel like. I've realized that it's not the content of what they share that matters, but the act of sharing itself and the knowledge that there is always someone willing to listen to your troubles. So as hard as it is, I try my best to share too.

Mom begins by sharing her day with us, speaking about the single mother she helped as a social worker but not giving too many details to ensure her client's privacy. The three of us talk about our school day, which is generally uninteresting, but Caleb spends a good amount of time discussing about our chemistry teacher.

"She has very high standards," he enthuses with a bright expression. "…which is great because it will improve the quality of our education. I like how she expects us to keep up with the material even though we just came back from vacation. It makes sense that we should be retaining the information we learned from previous years despite our break. Her way of teaching is…"

I zone out after a while. Mom is smiling at her son and occasionally nodding, but I wonder if she's really listening to Caleb rambling on about Matthews. I look at Tris and we share a secret smile.

As we finish dinner, I get up to help with the plates but Mom takes them from me.

"Oh, Tobias, you don't have to."

"It's alright," I insist.

"No, no. Just wait in the living room. I'll cut some fruits for dessert."

"I didn't know I was still being treated as a guest."

Mom laughs and gives me kiss on the cheek. "Of course not, but it's Caleb's turn to help with the dishes today. Why don't you and Tris get started on your homework? I'm sure you have a lot from chemistry class."

She tilts her head at Tris, who shrugs and hands her pile of plates to Caleb.

We leave the kitchen together, and I head towards the living room where we left our backpacks.

"Hey." Tris points at the sliding door leading to the backyard.

I raise an eyebrow and watch her step outside. The evening air greets me as I follow Tris through the door; it's cooler now that the sun has set. The sky is painted dark blue with a tiny gradient of light blue near the horizon. Tris once said my eyes remind her of dusk—I wonder if that's what they look like.

I put on a pair of slippers and head towards her. She's already sitting on one of the patio lounge chairs with her legs crossed at the ankles. I sit at the end of the chair, facing the side, and she naturally moves her legs to make room for me.

"What happened to doing homework?" I ask.

"I figured we should wait for Caleb. It'll be quicker if we work with him."

"Okay… except we'll probably get another earful about our wonderful chem teacher," I reply sarcastically.

Tris shifts her gaze to the side, a subtle habit of hers when she also bites the inside of her cheek. "Oh, right…"

I look towards the sky, searching for stars but there doesn't seem to be any in sight yet. When I turn back to Tris, her arms are wrapped around herself and I'm about to ask if she's cold, but she speaks first.

"Can I ask you something?"

Thinking about the conversation we had while walking home, I groan and snap, "If I say no, will you shut up about it?"

Tris looks taken aback at first, her eyes grow wide and her lips parted. But after a few seconds, she seems to understand and she rolls her eyes. "It's not about Lauren. I couldn't care less about your stupid crush," she grumbles.

I rub the back of my neck guiltily and I hear her sigh.

"Do you know what you're gonna do after high school?"

"I'm looking into computer engineering," I answer, leaning forward and resting my arms on my knees.

"Really?"

Her tone of disbelief confuses me.

"Yeah, why?"

"I… just imagined you doing something more active. What happened to being a cop?" Tris asks.

I'm surprised she still remembers my childhood dream of being a cop. We must have been six back then.

"I don't know, it just doesn't feel right anymore. I don't think I have that …sense of justice, and I don't want to work for the government." I give it a bit more thought and then add, "And I genuinely like working with computers."

"Oh…" Tris sits up straighter and pulls her knees close to her body, wrapping her arms around them. She looks small that way—smaller than who she really is.

"I'm not sure what I want to do yet," she sighs. A frown crosses her features and I find myself frowning too.

"I thought you wanted to do medicine. You certainly have the marks for it," I say, in what I hope is an encouraging voice.

"Yeah, but… I don't know. Uriah keeps saying he wants to become a doctor since the pay's awesome but—"

"I don't think so."

"Huh?"

"Uriah does say that a lot but I think he actually wants to be a doctor because he wants to help others. Sure, he's an ass sometimes but… he's kind," I grin at the thought. "It's not easy to become a doctor so I doubt he'd bother to work that hard if it's only for the money. Uriah's not exactly a genius, you know how stupid he is."

"I'm gonna tell him you said that." Tris smirks.

"Go ahead," I retort with a shrug. "You're not considering the job only for the pay, right? I thought you wanted to go into medicine just …because…"

"Well, being a doctor is what Caleb wants to do. And …Mom and Dad are always saying how great it'd be to have two doctors in the family. But I don't know if I want to do medicine or if my parents…" she trails off and shakes her head a little. "I mean, I'm not sure if I _really_ want to do medicine or if I only want to because my parents want it. Or, if I only want to because Caleb's doing it. Does that… make sense?"

I nod, because it does. It's foreign and it makes me feel a little envious, but I understand it. I've never had a sibling to be compared to, but growing up, I've watched Tris and Caleb silently compete against each other in their schoolwork yet love each other all the same. Both of them worked hard to make their parents proud and to meet their expectations.

Marcus never had expectations for me. Other than providing me with basic necessities, I barely exist to him—but that has somehow become a drive for me. I strive to be independent, so I don't have to rely on him. Once I turn eighteen and am legally an adult, I want to leave him for good. He has never needed me in his life, and I don't want to need him either.

I bite my lower lip thinking of something to say—something that might help her figure things out. "Your parents are open-minded; I'm sure they would be just as supportive if you chose to do something else. Is there anything else you want to do? How 'bout writing? Aren't you taking a creative writing course?" I ask.

"Yeah. It's fun, but… well, I kind of just took it to fill up my elective space." Tris scratches her head sheepishly. "And because Christina is taking it. She literally _begged_ me to take an elective course with her."

"Okay, um… is there anything particular that interests you?" I watch her shake her head. "Then, without thinking about what your parents want and what Caleb wants, what do _you_ want? …What do you want to accomplish in life?"

"I… I don't know," she moans, burying her head in her arms.

I sigh and stare straight at the worn-out fence across the yard. My patience is leaving me and I'm out of ideas, but I try to keep it together for my best friend—because she's Tris and it's not often she's so unsure of herself. I remember the way she has always kept composed for my sake whenever I have mental breakdowns.

A thought occurs to me and I wonder if I should voice it out or not. With her parents' expectations and the thing with Caleb, she's already uncertain about doing medicine. What I say will probably add even more pressure to it. But, maybe what she needs right now is honesty.

I draw in a breath and speak confidently. "I think you'd make a good doctor. I can imagine you as a doctor more than I can imagine Caleb as one." Out of the corner of my eyes, I see her look up curiously so I continue, "Caleb is smart but he's book-smart. I think he'd panic under pressure. You're not like that. You keep your head straight even in chaotic situations and that's important for doctors—being able to adapt to situations on the spot and not only rely on information you're taught. I bet you'd be able to think straight even if you were being pecked by a flock of crows.

"And you're not exactly the type to be pushed around. If you didn't actually have an interest in the field, I doubt you'd give it a second thought even with what your parents say."

I see the way her brow is creased, and I know she's thinking over what I said. It takes another minute before she responds.

"Maybe, but I'd still have to work hard to get there and I don't have the motivation to do that. I'm not like Uriah. I'm …not very kind."

I stare at her evenly, wondering why she doesn't see herself the way I see her. And it also makes me think, _how does she see me?_

"You mean you're not kind at all?" I tease, and am rewarded with a scoff. "I don't know about kindness but selflessness seems to run in your family. You're selfless."

Tris wrinkles her nose at my words.

"You are," I insist. "Even if you don't believe it, I've seen it. And, I don't know… being selfless isn't that far from being kind."

She smiles bashfully. "You know, you make me sound like an amazing person."

"You think I'd be friends with you if you weren't amazing?" I joke, lifting an eyebrow.

Tris rolls her eyes and kicks me softly on the side.

A tapping sound draws our attention to the backyard door and we see Caleb making gestures for us to go back inside. Tris gives him a thumbs-up and he disappears into the house.

I stand up from my spot and stretch my limbs. When I roll my head back, I notice that the sky has darkened and the stars are out now. There aren't many and they aren't bright, but they're there. As we head back inside, I see the goose bumps on Tris' skin. I rub her arms lightly to warm her up and she turns around, giving me a grateful smile.

* * *

I hope this heart-to-heart talk wasn't too boring. Let me know what you think. (:

I don't remember if Uriah's aptitudes were stated in canon but in _Determinant_ by Windchimed, he's a Dauntless-Amity divergent and that sounds pretty accurate to me. (Plus, _Determinant_ is as good as canon in my head)


	4. Chapter 04

**Chapter 04**

**- Tobias -**

I wake up on Friday morning feeling exhausted and disoriented. It's hard to believe that I was still on summer vacation one week ago since this first week of school has been so busy. The teachers have swamped us with piles of homework, assignments, and quizzes. Chemistry, in particular, has been a bitch with pop quizzes every other day. Even Caleb is starting to stress out from Matthews' so-called high expectations.

I sling my backpack over my shoulder and wait by the bedroom door, listening to the sound of Marcus' footsteps. He's in the kitchen, probably eating breakfast. This means my path to the front door is clear so I make my move. I keep quiet as I leave the house so that he won't realize I've left until he hears the sound of the front door close.

I've grown this habit of sneaking out because it helps me avoid Marcus. I'm not afraid of him, but I don't like to see him around. It's uncomfortable to bump into the unfriendly stranger that lives in your house, and I'm sure Marcus doesn't want to see me either.

When I arrive at the Priors' house this morning, Tris is already sitting on the front steps. Her ponytail sways in the wind as she watches the clouds.

"Hi," I say, taking a seat beside her.

"Hi," she answers back in a tired voice.

Tris' elbows are resting on her knees and her chin rests on her hands. In her huddled position, she looks childlike. It's not a thought I would say out loud because I know she hates being looked down upon for being small. But she doesn't realize that 'childlike' doesn't necessarily mean weak or frail, or even physically small. She's childlike in the way she looks at everything with a hint of curiosity and innocence, and in the way she appreciates things for what they are. I hope growing up won't take that away from her—won't make her second guess other people's motives and focus on every negative detail. Maybe the world would be a better place if we all retained some childlike innocence in us.

Tris bites her lower lips before a yawn escapes her and she rubs her eyes sleepily. The sight makes me laugh.

"What's so funny?" She asks.

"Nothing."

She lifts a skeptical eyebrow at me and I just grin back.

The door behind us clicks open and Caleb steps out onto the porch, looking much more awake than either of us.

"Good morning, Four."

"Hey, Caleb."

The three of us starts walking to school together. Tris is quiet this morning, barely saying anything while Caleb and I make small talk. We used to be more friendly with each other when we were young but now, the most Caleb and I can do is talk politely. I have nothing against Caleb and hopefully, he doesn't dislike me either, but there's always an awkward air between us as if our stars just don't align. Maybe this is how people are when they drift apart from each other; it's the effect of growing up and changing in different ways.

After a while, Caleb takes a detour to pick up his girlfriend, leaving Tris and I as usual.

I nudge her gently on the arm. "Why are you so quiet this morning?"

"I'm just tired…"

"Yeah?"

"Yup."

"Well, at least tomorrow's Saturday," I say with a smile.

Tris turns and gives me a meaningful look. "You're awfully happy about Saturday."

I shrug the comment off but I'm sure she can see my ears turning red. Tomorrow is Saturday, which means I'll be working at the community center. I'm supposed to be a basketball instructor for elementary kids but it's more of a supervising job. I just watch the kids play and give them some pointers on how to improve. Some of them are too young to actually learn anything so Lauren and I teach them how to dribble and pass the ball properly.

I knew Lauren from computer class last year but we never spoke until we started working at the community center a month ago. She's a bit of a computer whiz, and she's really good with kids. I'm not sure if that's what drew me to her but I found myself stealing glances at her more often then I should. And as stupid as it sounds, my heart does somersaults whenever she talks to me at work. We haven't talked to each other in school yet.

Aside from the conversation on Monday, Tris hasn't said much about my crush on Lauren, which I'm grateful for. Zeke, on the other hand, has been doing his best to make me feel uncomfortable about it ever since he found out.

"Hello?" Tris waves her hand in front of my face.

"Hm?"

She lets out an annoyed huff. "Were you listening to me?"

"…No." I rub the back of my neck sheepishly.

"At least you're honest..."

"What were you saying?"

"Nothing important," she waves her hand dismissively. "Just wondering out loud how Matthews is going to torture us today."

"Maybe another pop quiz."

"Really?" Tris scrunches her eyebrows in thought. "I kind of doubt it."

"Why not? We had one on Monday and Wednesday. So I bet there's gonna be one today too."

"You bet?" She tilts her head to the side to look at me. "What are we betting?"

"…If there's a pop quiz today then you have to piggyback me home."

I expect her to look confused or to ask if I'm serious, but she doesn't.

"Fine. But if you lose, _I_ get a piggyback ride home."

"Fine."

"Backpacks included," Tris adds with a smirk. "My textbooks are pretty heavy, you know?"

"So are mine."

"Good luck to you then."

"Aren't you being a bit too confident?" I ask with a chuckle.

She shrugs nonchalantly with a faint smile on her lips, and it makes me think, _maybe I already lost_.

**- Tris -**

The afternoon sunlight shines bright on my face as I jog on the track around our school field. It's almost mid-September but the air is still warm with the lingering scents of summer. I wipe at my brow to get rid of the moisture gathered there.

I hear another classmate jogging closer to me from behind. Worrying that I might be too slow, I consider picking up the pace but then decide against it. This is only supposed to be warm-up after all. I keep to myself and wait for the other jogger to pass me.

"Hey, Tris," Lauren says as she comes up beside me.

"Hi."

I can't help but notice how we wear the same gym uniforms but the clothes look different between us. On me, they're big and loose, almost to the point of baggy. Even though I like them for being comfortable, they make me look smaller than I am.

The gym uniform fits perfectly on Lauren. It accentuates her curves and hugs her waist without being too tight. And her shorts make her legs look slender and strong instead of scrawny and weak.

"How has your first week been?" She asks in a friendly manner.

"It's …alright, I guess. How's yours?" I reply with a smile.

"It's good. I have an easy semester."

"Oh. What courses?"

"Aside from this, I have art, graphic design, and comp sci. Basically, everything I like," Lauren answers with a short laugh.

"That sounds fun..." I say, nodding. "Wait, do you have comp sci third period?"

"Mhm. Right before this."

"Oh…" I hide a smile at her response. _Tobias is in that class._

As if she can read my mind, Lauren casually says, "Four's in that class."

I hum in response. From across the yard, I can see Christina pointing at me from where she's jogging with Marlene.

Lauren clears her throat hesitantly before asking, "Are… you two dating?"

"Hm? What, of course not? We're just …best friends," I say, but that answer usually gives people the wrong idea too, so I quickly add, "We've known each other since we were little. Our families are friends."

I don't know how else to explain it; I guess it's true in some sense. Since our dads are colleagues, my parents and Tobias' parents were friends before the two of us were born. Our families used to get together for dinner once in a while, but ever since Tobias' mom died, that pretty much stopped. Although Tobias comes to our house often, Marcus does not. He still works with my father so I assume they're on good terms.

In fact, Dad once told me he doesn't agree with Marcus' parenting, or lack thereof in my opinion, but he's still a good person. He's not a great father, but he is an honourable member of our government and he serves our people well.

Still, I can't bring myself to like Marcus.

Lauren nods at my explanation. "I see… so like childhood friends…"

"Yeah, I guess…"

We finish our third lap around the track and step onto the field to do some stretches.

"I work with him at the community center," she says.

"Yeah, he told me."

Lauren's eyes widen a little when she asks, "He did?"

"Um… yeah." I bite the inside of my cheek as I stretch my arms. It doesn't seem right to tell her what Tobias told me. It feels like I'm betraying my best friend by letting his crush know a little too much about his attention for her. But I see a smile on Lauren's face, so at least that's a good sign.

"How is he at work?" I ask curiously. "I mean, is he a good instructor?"

"He's alright. Not very good with kids though," she says with a laugh.

"Oh." I chuckle at that too. "Yeah, well, he's not very good with people in general, but …he's a decent guy once you get to know him."

"Yeah…"

A loud whistle sounds from the middle of the field and we see our PE teacher waving us over. Lauren and I jog to where the rest of the class is gathered and we're split into teams for a soccer game. The two of us are placed in different teams, and I give her a wave before heading my own way.

-x-

"Took you long enough," Tobias says, tapping at his watch. He's leaning against the brick wall of the school; we usually meet at the side of school to walk home together.

I jog up to him with a frown. "Sorry. It takes time to change after PE, you know?"

"It's a good thing you don't have PE first period then, or else you'd always be late for Matthews' class." He straightens up to leave but I tug at his black shirt to stop him.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" I ask.

Tobias turns to face me and raises an eyebrow. "No…?"

"Just because you lost the bet…" I say, rolling my eyes.

"Shit." He slaps a hand to his forehead. "I forgot about that."

"Well, pay up. There was no pop quiz, if you need to be reminded."

He groans and takes his backpack off before swinging it back on but this time, wearing it in front of him. Then, he kneels down with his back in front of me. I lean over and wrap my arms around his neck with my backpack still on my back. I let out an unexpected squeak as I'm lifted off the ground.

"What do you eat that makes you so heavy?" He mutters as he starts walking.

"It's not me!" I shout indignantly. "It's the textbooks!"

"Sure, it is…"

I roll my eyes again.

"This is all Matthews' fault. Should've just given us a stupid pop quiz," Tobias huffs with irritation.

"It's your own fault for making the bet."

"We should've had a pop quiz! We had one on Monday, and then one on Wednesday, so it only makes sense that we have one today too."

"That's exactly why we _didn't_ have one today, idiot," I counter. "The whole point of pop quizzes is to surprise you. If there's a pattern to it, and if you're expecting it, then what's the point?"

Tobias seems to think about this for a minute before mumbling something incomprehensible.

We walk silently for a while, or at least Tobias does while I'm carried on his back. Despite bearing my weight and the weight of two backpacks filled with school books, he manages better than I expected. I can feel the taut muscles of his arms from where they're supporting my legs. There is a light sheen of sweat on the back of his neck, and I bite at my lower lip.

"Hey, if you're tired, I can just walk."

"I'm not tired." He readjusts me a little and continues walking. "And I was just kidding, Tris. You weigh next to nothing."

My brow furrows at the comment. "How come being heavy and being light both sounds bad when it's coming from you?" I ask.

I feel the tremble of Tobias' body when he laughs. "Should I say your weight is 'just right' then, Miss Goldilocks?" He teases.

"No… You should just not say anything. Don't you know that weight is a sensitive issue for girls?"

"I didn't think you're like most girls."

I frown and consider his statement. "I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean."

"I meant, I didn't think you cared about your weight."

"Oh… Well, I don't," I say.

And it's true, or at least, I try not to care about my weight and my image. I'm not particularly pretty, and I resemble a twelve year-old despite being seventeen. It makes me self-conscious but I try my best to ignore it. Because in the end, we'll all be wasted into wrinkled skins and grey hair anyway. Mom says vanity is a black hole. Once we start chasing after it, we'll be sucked in—always wanting more. It's funny how vanity is rooted to the word 'vain', which can also mean 'worthless'.

So it shouldn't matter to me what Tobias says about my weight—especially since he didn't seem serious about it. But it bothers me, and I don't know why. Perhaps it's the tone of voice he used.

"Are you still there?" Tobias asks playfully after a moment of silence.

"Mm. …Oh yeah, Lauren asked about you today. In PE class."

His body tense underneath me. "She did?..."

"Yes." My answer doesn't tell him much, and I wait for him to prompt me for more. I haven't asked about his crush since Monday because I know he doesn't want to talk about it—he's shy that way. But he'll have no choice but to talk if he wants to know about my conversation with Lauren. I don't bother to hide the mischievous smile tugging my lips since he can't see it anyway.

"What did she say?" Tobias' tone is casual, but I know better than to assume he's casual about it.

"Umm… Let's see, she told me she has class with you, and she works with you at the community center. She said you're a good instructor but you're horrible with kids."

He laughs and shifts my weight again so he can carry me better. "Lauren's really good with kids," he says, and I can practically hear the smile in his voice.

"That's nice."

"I made one of the kids cry once, but Lauren cheered him up after." He chuckles at the memory. "Did she say anything else?"

"Not really…" I think for a bit, trying to recall our talk. "She asked if we were dating."

"…What did you say?"

"I told her we've been dating for three years," I reply sarcastically and roll my eyes. "What do you think?"

"Seriously, Tris. When I tell people we're best friends, they usually don't believe me."

"Well, too bad then. I told her we're best friends and our families are friends too." I shrug, but it comes out as an odd twitch. It's hard to shrug when you're being piggybacked. "It's fine; she was smiling about it. I think she likes you."

With me on Tobias' back, our faces are close together and I can feel the heat of his blush. His ears are also beginning to resemble the rear lights of a car.

"I …don't know. I mean, we don't even talk to each other outside of work."

"Then start talking to her!" I cry.

"Yeah…" he mumbles.

"Don't worry. If she asks about you again, I'll tell her how amazing you are." I say with a grin. "I've got your back."

I slap the back of Tobias' shoulder and he groans.

"That's a horrible pun, Tris."

* * *

Yes, a horrible pun indeed.


	5. Chapter 05

**Chapter 05**

**- Tris -**

"Are you and Four dating?"

I look up from my plate of fried noodles to see my friends staring back at me as we sit in the busy mall cafeteria. Marlene, Christina, and Shauna are watching me carefully while Lynn is looking at me with unblinking eyes and waiting for me to answer her question.

Lynn is Shauna's sister and is a year younger than the rest of us, but we tend to include her in our girl gatherings since she's cool and great company.

"No…" I say, keeping my voice even. "Why do you ask?"

"I was at the park yesterday and I saw you guys walk by. You were on his back."

Marlene and Shauna both look confused, and Christina shouts, "What?"

I sigh in exasperation before explaining, "We made a bet on something. He lost, so he piggybacked me home."

"That's cute," Marlene giggles.

I bite the inside of my cheek and Marlene must notice it, because she gives me a wary look.

"But um, I don't mean there's something between you two. I just think it's cute, between friends…" she trails off uncertainly.

"I guess," I say as I poke at my food.

Christina frowns and points at me with her fork. "There's nothing between you two," she notes bluntly. "But has there ever been? I mean, all these years you guys have been friends, you never thought of dating him?"

I stare at the pronged utensil directed at me and honestly think about the question as I chew on my noodles.

Tobias and I weren't always close. We met at the age for four but it took a year or two before we actually became good friends. Thinking back, it must have been after his mother's death that we really got to know each other. Following the incident, Tobias started coming to our house after school since there was no one to supervise him at home. And he'd often stay for dinner since Marcus began burying himself with work. It was probably then, that we started to talk and hang out at school.

Over the years, we got closer and became best friends, but even now, it feels like I'm still learning new things about him—like the way he has hopes for the future even though his childhood has always been a bit grim; or the way he shies away from girls he likes instead of tease them like other boys do. My feelings toward him have always been relatively the same, other than the fact that they grow stronger.

I swallow a bite before firmly answering, "No."

"Really?" Shauna asks with a thoughtful expression. "I always thought, maybe there was at least a time when you guys might have liked each other."

Lynn scoffs at her sister. "You can be friends with the opposite sex without all that complicated stuff."

"Weren't _you_ the one that asked Tris if they were dating?" Marlene smiles amusedly.

"Yeah, but… I was just curious," Lynn mumbles.

Christina returns her fork to her plate, twisting it around strands of pasta. "You're right, Lynn. But… I don't know. It's just hard for us to understand since we haven't experienced it. Personally, I don't think I can be _that_ close to a guy and _never_ have feelings for him."

"You mean it's hard for _you_ to understand," Lynn corrects.

"Hmm, I guess it's like the brother and sister thing," Shauna muses out loud. The four of us looks at her strangely and she clarifies, "Like, 'I love him like a brother', sort of thing."

Marlene nods a little and turns to me, asking, "Do you see Four as a brother, Tris?"

My brow furrows as I consider Tobias as 'a brother' and the thought makes me cringe. The idea just feels …_wrong_.

"No… but, maybe that's 'cause I already have a brother. When I think 'brother', I think of Caleb and …Tobias is nothing like Caleb so…"

Shauna taps her chin in thought. "Well, you're clearly closer to him than the rest of us. Even Zeke. Zeke called him 'Tobias' once and Four told him off. It was kind of funny actually." She chuckles.

"Oh my god! I called him 'Tobias' once too, just as a joke, and he totally gave me this look that said 'you're-in-trouble'," Christina tells us with wide eyes. "I never called him anything else but 'Four' since."

Lynn rolls her eyes. "What's the deal with his name anyway? Even some of the teachers at school call him 'Four'."

"I don't know, he just doesn't like it," I sigh as I finish my lunch. "Can we talk about something else now?"

Shauna straightens up from her seat. "Oh yes, actually, there was something I wanted to ask," she says, turning to Marlene. "Did Uriah ask you out yesterday?"

I can hear Christina's sharp intake of breath while I raise an eyebrow.

Marlene smiles back at us sheepishly. "Yeah…"

I can imagine Uriah wearing the same sheepish smile when he had asked Marlene out. I chuckle at the thought. The two of them are very similar in their demeanor. Both are quick to smile and are kind of childish and silly at times.

"Aw, why didn't you tell us?" Christina slaps Marlene lightly on the arm.

Marlene looks down shyly, still wearing a smile.

"Well, it's about time," Lynn mutters, and turns to Shauna. "How'd you know anyway?"

Shauna shrugs. "Zeke told me. And Uriah told him, obviously."

"When's your date, Mar?" I ask.

"He asked me if I was free today, but here I am. So, we're going to the movies tomorrow," she answers cheerfully.

Christina frowns at that. "That sounds …original." We all laugh at her sarcastic remark before she continues, "You know, you could've told us. We wouldn't have minded if you ditched us."

"Nah, I need a new dress anyway."

"Sounds like fun. Let's help Marlene get sexy for her date tomorrow," Shauna teases with a wink.

I can hear Lynn scoff and grumble under her breath, and I groan inwardly myself. As much as I love my friends, shopping isn't particularly my sense of fun. But I'm genuinely happy for Marlene, and Uriah as well, so I try to act a bit more excited. I put a little bounce in my step as we leave the cafeteria and begin our quest to find Marlene the perfect date attire.

**- Tobias -**

There are many gyms at the community center, and the one I work in is smaller than the gym at school. The room is rectangular and on each of the longer walls, there are two basketball nets allowing for a game on both halves of the gym. Lauren and I decided to have the older kids play on one half while the younger kids practice shooting and passing in pairs on the other half. One of the five year olds still can't dribble properly.

On one side of the gym, an observatory window lines the top of the wall. Some of the parents are sitting on the second floor lounge area and watching their kids play.

There are twenty kids in our class, twelve of which are playing the basketball game that Lauren is supervising and eight younger ones practicing on my half of the gym. I walk the perimeter and watch them, pointing out flaws and telling them how to improve. I try to sound encouraging and _friendly_. I struggle with being friendly; most of the kids find me intimidating.

I steal a glance at Lauren who's on the other side of the gym. Her hands are on her hips as she watches the game like a proper instructor. She has her brown hair tied in a low ponytail though a few loose strands frame the side of her face. Lauren is not as tall as me, but she's taller than most girls our age. She's got the kind of build that shows she played a lot of sports growing up. I look away, not wanting to be caught staring.

One of the younger kids, Nathan, is aiming for a shot with his eyes squinting in concentration. When he gets the shot in, he jumps and points excitedly for his friend to see, ignoring the ball that's now rolling towards me. I pick it up as Nathan runs over to me.

When he sees the basketball in my hand, he stops and stares at me with wide cautious eyes. For some reason, the look reminds me of Tris when I first met her.

We met at some park our parents brought us to. I remember sticking closely to my mom while Caleb and Tris were building a castle in the sandbox. It took a while before I finally went over to them, and when I did, Tris had watched me carefully like a deer caught in the wild. It was actually Caleb who openly invited me to join them. It's strange to know how different things are between us now.

I hand the ball back to Nathan and try to give him a smile. It feels a bit stiff, but then Nathan takes the ball from me and beams at me so brightly I can't help but return a real smile and ruffle his hair.

"Good job," I say, giving him a thumbs-up.

"Thanks…" Nathan replies with a toothy grin and runs back to his friend.

When I look around the gym again, my eyes land on Lauren and she's looking at me. She gestures a thumbs-up to me, probably having seen my interaction with Nathan, and I can't stop myself from smiling like an idiot

At the end of class, we get the kids to return their balls to the carts and let the parents into the gym. I watch enviously as the kids all run towards their parents and are met by hugs and kisses. Nathan talks animatedly to his mom, explaining something while pointing around the gym. When his eyes land on me, he surprisingly waves, and I wave back. I smile as I watch them leave.

"Looks like you made a friend today," Lauren says from behind me.

"Uh, yeah. He's a cute kid." I chuckle.

We wheel the basketball carts to the storage room tucked between our gym and the one adjacent to it.

"I think… you're not actually bad with kids," Lauren says hesitantly. "You just have trouble opening up to them."

"That's sort of the same thing though…"

"Not really. If you're bad with kids, you have to change how you interact with them. But your problem is that you're _not_ interacting with them. That's why they're scared of you, because you're just standing around and glaring at them."

"I don't glare."

"Sure, you don't." Lauren gives me a teasing smile and I find myself tongue-tied.

I rub the back of my neck nervously.

"Anyway, um, I have to go. So can you lock up and return the keys to Janet?" She dangles the gym and storage room keys and looks apologetically at me.

"Oh, yeah. Sure," I say, hoping my disappointment isn't obvious. I take the keys from Lauren and watch as she grabs her things from the side bench. She gives me one last glance before slipping out the door of the gymnasium.

The door of the storage room emits a sharp click as I turn the key to lock it. I head over to pick up my gym bag from where I left it earlier, and I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I can still hear Tris' shout from yesterday echoing in my ears.

"_Then start talking to her!"_

"Easy for you to say," I mumble half-heartedly as I leave the gym.


	6. Chapter 06

**Chapter 06**

**- Tris - **

The crisp autumn breeze of October taunts me from the window. Leaves of orange, yellows, and reds wave at me from the tree outside and I want very much to escape the warm stuffy atmosphere of the public library. The heavy silence in here is suffocating.

I sit at a round table with Christina, Robert, and Jake. The four of us are in the same book club group for English class, so we're meeting to discuss about the novel we're reading. Notes and books are strewn messily over the table as Christina and Jake argue in hushed tones.

"What the author's trying to say is…"

"But the main protagonist didn't believe…"

"I think that was symbolizing…"

I don't bother to listen to what they're saying. My head is spinning and I just want to lie down to stop the sharp pang in my forehead. But I'd probably look like I'm slacking off if I put my head down on the table so I try to keep my head up and my eyes opened.

On the table next to ours, Will is studying and minding his own business. His lips are pinched in concentration while he pokes at his calculator. He's just tagging along with us since Christina's here.

Across from me, Robert is giving me a sheepish smile, and I smile back because clearly, our other two group members are getting ahead of themselves. If we weren't in the library, I bet they'd be yelling by now.

"But that doesn't make any sense!" Christina hisses.

"Yes, it does!" Jake counters with just as much annoyance in his hushed voice. "The light bulb obviously represented her sexual desires. She wanted to be _turned on_."

"What the hell is—"

Robert clears his throat loudly, causing Christina and Jake to snap their attention to him.

"Uh, we're supposed to share our thoughts and opinions. We don't have to agree on everything," he says, scratching the back of his head.

Christina huffs pointedly and leans back in her chair, still glaring at Jake.

Jake glares back. "Okay, fine. But that's what I'm putting in my report. If there's nothing else, then I'm out of here."

"See you tomorrow, Jake," I say.

Jake gathers his notes and shoves them in his backpack. He then sends me a nasty look which makes me realize how dismissive I must have sound. He probably thinks I'm taking Christina's side since it's no secret we're best friends.

I bite my lower lip as I watch Jake leave.

"He's such an idiot," Christina says, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I don't get what he's thinking either," Robert laughs nervously. "I guess I'll get going too. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Yeah, See ya, Rob."

Robert smiles kindly at me. "Bye Tris."

"Bye," I reply simply.

Will slips into the seat beside Christina's just as Robert leaves. I put my head down on the table immediately and use my arms to block out the dizzying fluorescent lights of the ceiling.

"What was that?" Christina asks.

"My head hurts," I groan.

"No, I mean you and Rob."

"What do you mean?" I peek an eye open to look at her.

"You guys were giving each other looks."

"No, we weren't."

Will's brow furrows in concern. "Are you okay, Tris?"

"Yeah, it's just a headache."

Christina gathers her notes together and flips through them mindlessly. "You two kept smiling at each other. And even in class, I always catch him staring at you."

"Why are you always trying to hook me up with someone?" I sit up and frown at her, ignoring the spinning in my head.

"I'm not," Christina says defensively. "I'm just telling you what I saw."

"Isn't Robert… Caleb's girlfriend's brother?" Will asks with a grin. "Are you two close?"

"Yeah, he is. And no, not really." I collect my notes and books too. "He's also Caleb's friend, so that's how I know him. But we're not that close," I explain. I can't wait to go home and lie down. My head hurts so much.

"I think he likes you."

I raise an eyebrow at Will, showing a mix of irritation and disbelief. Christina, on the other hand, is grinning at her boyfriend.

"See? I'm not the only one thinking that," she says. "He's kind of quiet, but he's alright."

"You don't like him, Tris?" Will tilts his head slightly to the side.

I sigh tiredly, putting my things away as we get up to leave the library. I try to think about Robert and possibly having feelings for him, but right now, I can't. I can't think. My head just hurts.

"I don't know," I say quickly. My cheeks are unexpectedly warm when I touch them. _Why am I blushing?_ "We're just friends."

"Yeah, but—" Christina stops whatever she's saying as Will puts a hand on her shoulder and shakes his head. She frowns but drops the topic, and I'm kind of relieved.

As we step out of the library, Will turns to me. "Do you need a ride, Tris?"

"Yes, please," I answer. The three of us pile into Will's car and I take the backseat. It doesn't take long for me to lose consciousness to the lulling of the car and the passing scenery.

**- Tobias -**

"How's it going with Lauren?" Zeke smirks as he stands in front of me. His hands are outstretched, blocking me in our basketball game. I break through him easily and aim for the hoop, but the ball bounces off the rim and into Zeke's hands. I swear under my breath.

"So?" He prompts, holding the basketball to the side.

"You're worse than the girls." I stare back boldly.

It didn't take long for all our friends to find out I have a thing for Lauren, not when Zeke is teasing me about it constantly. Most of the girls keep trying to give me 'love advice', which I find incredibly embarrassing. And you'd think the guys would be indifferent about this sort of thing, but not the Pedrad brothers. No, Uriah and Zeke are almost sadistic in the way they can't shut up about it.

The only ones that actually don't bother me are Will and Tris. Will, because he's not the type of person to care. He made some comments about it here and there, but he doesn't ask me about it like the rest of them. Tris doesn't speak much about it either. She's curious, but I think she keeps quiet out of respect.

"You got her number, right?" Zeke sits down in the middle of the outdoor court. He looks relaxed, with his legs crossed and his arms to support him as he leans back.

I gesture for him to get up. A group of freshman I recognize are standing off the court, clearly wanting to use it. "You're hogging the place," I tell Zeke.

He shrugs, and gets up. "So, you got her number?"

We grab our jackets and leave the court. The evenings are always cool now that it's October.

"…Yeah," I say reluctantly.

The past month has been good. I finally got Lauren's number and we've been talking a lot more ever since. She hangs out with her own friends at school, a group of all girls, so I never get the chance to talk to her. Technically, I could talk to her, but there's something intimidating about the way girls tend to move in packs. Now that I have her number, we've been texting each other a lot. We're still not as close as I like, but at least we're making progress.

I smile unconsciously, but quickly fix my expression when I see Zeke's smirk.

"It's Halloween next Friday." He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. The comment sounds random, but I'm guessing he's referring to the dance. We have a Halloween dance at school every year. "You should ask her out."

"Maybe," I say honestly. "Why do you care anyway?"

Zeke slaps me hard on the back. "I want you to be happy, man. I just think if you had a girlfriend, you'd be less grouchy."

"Excuse me?"

"What? You're a grouchy guy. The only time you're not grouchy is when you're with Tris, and you guys already made it clear you're _never_ dating each other. So, I gotta help you get some other girl," he explains casually. "Speaking of Tris, have you talked to her? She hasn't responded to any our texts for the last two days."

"Caleb said she's sick. That's all I know, she hasn't talked to me either," I say with a sigh. "I think I'll stop by her house on my way home."

"Tell her I said 'hi'." Zeke winks at me and we part ways.

My feet crunch on the stray leaves that are scattered across the sidewalk. The air is damp with the smell of mud and dried leaves, and I wrinkle my nose at the unpleasant scent. A few wet droplets splatter on my face and I look to find dark grey clouds gathering above me. I quickly make my way to Tris' house, hoping to avoid the storm.

When I ring the doorbell at their house, Caleb opens it and greets me.

"Hey, here to see Tris?" He asks, letting me in.

"Yeah, how is she?" I take off my jacket, hang it on the coat rack, and then take off my shoes.

"Bad. The fever's giving her a really bad headache. She wanted to get up for a drink earlier but she fainted in the hallway upstairs. That's how I found her when I got home. It gave me a scare."

I can see the worry I'm feeling reflected in Caleb's green eyes. That does sound bad.

Suddenly, Mom pokes her head out of the kitchen and smiles when she sees me. She's wearing an apron and her hair is knotted in a bun.

"Tobias. Are you here to see Beatrice?" She gives me a motherly hug which I gladly return.

"Yes. Is she asleep?"

"Hm, I'm not sure. You'll have to go check. While you're here, stay for dinner, alright?" Mom watches me expectantly as if daring me to refuse.

I chuckle. "Yeah, okay."

I move carefully up the stairs, avoiding the spots that creak. As with most houses in this part of the community, the Prior house is old. Both our families have been living here since before Tris, Caleb, and I were born. Although this isn't my home, it does feel a lot like home to me. I've spent so much time of my childhood here. Everything feels familiar—the wooden floorboards, the off-white walls, the painting in the hallway, the framed stitch art that reads 'Beatrice' on Tris' door…

I knock lightly and wait for a response. When there's none, I open the door by a crack to check if it's safe to go in. About a year ago, I walked in on Tris while she was changing. And while I didn't see anything more than a pair of slender legs, she yelled at me and gave me a black eye that lasted a good week.

"_We're sixteen! Not six!" _

It's not exactly the type of thing I want to experience again.

The blinds in Tris' room are drawn down and very little light seeps through—just enough to make things visible. The room is plain and nondescript; it is painted an off-white colour like the rest of the house and there are no posters. A collection of framed photographs sits on top of a wooden drawer—most are of her family, some are of her friends. I'm in several photos between both. Her desk is also tidy; everything is organized and lined up accordingly.

I walk in and see Tris sleeping in bed. The rise and fall of her breathing is almost unnoticeable—hidden by the thick layers of blankets she's huddled under. Her parched lips are slightly parted. I quietly sit on the side of her bed, but the movement is enough to make her stir. I curse at myself for forgetting she's a light sleeper.

Tris blinks tiredly at me. It takes a long moment for her eyes to adjust to the light and register what's going on, so I watch while she fights off the haze. Her cheeks are pink from fever and there are dark circles under her eyes.

"Hey there," she mumbles, sounding more nasally than usual.

"You look …bad," I say with a frown.

Tris pulls the covers over her head. They're white with patterns of tiny flying blue birds. "Maybe if someone didn't disturb my beauty sleep, I'd look better," she says weakly. Her voice is muffled by the blankets.

I laugh and pull the blankets back down so she doesn't suffocate herself. "Caleb said you blacked out in the hall earlier."

"Agh, don't remind me." She shifts her position and lies on her side to face me. "He already gave me a long lecture about it. Something about how lucky I was that I didn't fall down the stairs."

I nod, thinking about how that never crossed my mind, but also about how true that is. I don't say anything though, because Caleb's lectures are usually enough for Tris.

"So, what's up?"

"My best friend is sick and bedridden."

"Aw, your poor best friend," Tris says with a mock pout. "You should stay with her so she's not lonely."

"No thanks." I shrug nonchalantly. "I don't want to get sick too."

"But you can be bed buddies."

I raise an eyebrow at her. "That sounds highly inappropriate."

"I mean you can be sick and bedridden together."

"That …doesn't sound very fun either," I tell her.

"Well, stay anyway." Tris sighs and closes her eyes. "Lie down."

I stare at her, wondering if the fever is getting to her head because she doesn't normally make such bold requests. We've fallen asleep on the same bed before as kids, but her 'we're sixteen, not six' comment is still fresh in my mind, so I'm not sure what to think. Nevertheless, I find myself unable to say no.

"Move over," I say, standing up.

And she does, shuffling over to make room for me as I slip under the covers and lie next to her.

"If I'm not at school tomorrow," she says quietly. "…can you tell Christina I'm sorry? She doesn't get along with our book club members. Well, she's okay with Robert, but she absolutely hates Jake."

"Yeah." I roll my eyes. "That's all she talked about today, how he's such a bastard."

She smiles at that. "Anything interesting happened while I was gone?"

"Not really…" I chew on my lower lip as I think. "Just school as usual. We have a chem test on Monday. Everyone's prepping for that like we're going to war or something."

"Great."

"Uriah and Marlene are still stuck to each other like Siamese twins."

"They're cute together."

"Yeah, as long as you don't walk in on them making out," I scoff.

"Hm."

"Zeke said 'hi', by the way."

"Hm."

I can't stop smiling as I watch her eyelids grow heavier and she struggles to stay awake.

"Go to sleep," I whisper, brushing stray strands of hair from her face.

She hums once more, snuggling closer to me but not exactly touching. I can feel the heat radiating off her body and it makes me wonder how high her fever is. Her breathing eventually begins to even out but I decide to wait a while longer to leave—just in case I wake her up again.

Tris is not exceptionally beautiful, but she's beautiful in her own way. She has a slightly narrow face, with round wide eyes and a long nose. Her lashes are long, though they're light and not too noticeable from afar. From our proximity, I can also smell the pleasant scent of her shampoo—it's something sweet, like peaches and cream.

I close my eyes, feeling tired as well. Her presence is warm and comforting, and I feel myself slipping away. But before I completely fall asleep, I reluctantly remove myself from the bed. The room feels colder than before, now that I've grown accustomed to the warmth of Tris and her layers of blankets. I carefully tuck her in before leaving the room.

* * *

I have no computer access for the next 7 days or so, so no update until the 23rd or 24th.


	7. Chapter 07

**Chapter 07**

**- Tobias -**

The last Saturday of October also marks the last day of work for me as a basketball instructor. Although it never felt like I was teaching the kids anything, I did notice the improvements in their skills as they played in our last class together. I know many of them were still afraid of me as they left and I regret not being a kinder instructor, but I am proud of them. I haven't gotten that close to any of them, but I felt sad watching them leave—especially Nathan. He's probably the only kid that actually likes me, and honestly, I'm quite fond of him too.

Since it's our last day working together, Lauren and I decided to hang out after work, so we're currently at a nearby café. I wouldn't call it a date, but it's close and if I'm lucky, maybe she'll say 'yes' when I ask her out.

"You like peaches?" Lauren gestures at the orange concoction I'm swirling while she sips her green tea latte.

"They're alright. I've just been craving peaches since this morning," I answer casually. I don't tell her I have a suspicion it's because of Tris' shampoo. Somehow, that doesn't seem like the type of thing you should say to a girl that likes you. And I'm hoping she likes me.

"Oh, I hate cravings," she makes a face as if she's tasted something sour. "They drive me absolutely nuts."

"Yeah…" I chuckle at her expression and take a sip of my peach smoothie. "So now that we're done with teaching, are you gonna look for another job?"

"I don't know. I might look around, or I might just chill and focus on school," she says. "How 'bout you?"

"I'm gonna be working at the skating rink, help rent skates and things like that. It doesn't start until December though."

Lauren tilts her head curiously. "Wow, you're so hardworking."

"Uh… not really," I rub the back of my neck unconsciously.

"Your parents must be proud," she says with a grin.

I swallow the lump in my throat and do my best to keep my expression from turning to stone. I don't know how to tell her that my only living parent doesn't give a damn. And it's not something I would want to tell her right now anyway.

I suppose it's not a big secret. My friends know about the estrange relationship I have with my father. It's a simple story to tell—my mom died, and my dad buried himself in work and eventually stopped caring about me. I'm not sure at what point he began to hate me for being a nuisance in his life—for burdening him from a fresh start, but that's basically what happened. I'm only hardworking because I want to be able to afford my own place when I graduate and turn eighteen.

I hate how broken it all makes me sound—I've been neglected growing up. But there are probably kids out there who have it worse than me. At least I wasn't physically abused or starved.

We stay quiet for a while, focusing our attention to the drinks in front of us. I try to think of something to say but I can't come up with anything at all. My palm starts to feel clammy.

"You know, I think I'm going to miss those kids. They really grew on me." Lauren smiles wistfully. "Especially Isabelle. She sort of reminds me of me when I was little."

"Really?" I ask, grateful for something to talk about. Isabelle is one of the ten-year-olds in our class. She's a bit of a tomboy and she's very good at basketball, but she also acts smug towards the other kids. "Why?"

"Mm… I was kind of tomboyish growing up. I have an older sister and she was very into …you know, girly stuff." She waves her hand dismissively. "We didn't get along and I didn't want to be like her. So I just turned out kind of tomboyish."

"That's cute," I say, laughing at her explanation. She rolls her eyes, but then laughs along with me.

I realize the reason why I like Lauren is because she's so different from me. She's outgoing, kind, and confident. She's good with kids, and smart with computers. She's encouraging to others, and she's the type of person that knows exactly what to say to make others feel better. I admire her because she's so many things I'm not—so many things I want to be.

"Hey, are you doing anything this Friday?" I ask, sounding braver than what I feel.

"Friday? …oh, you mean Halloween?"

"Yeah. I …was wondering if you want to go to the dance with me." My hands are trembling so I wrap them around my smoothie cup. The condensation on the outside cools my sweaty palms.

Lauren bites her lower lip. "Oh, um…"

I feel my heart drop. The answer that usually follows this type of hesitation is 'no' or 'sorry'.

"Sorry, Four… I mean... I _would _want to. But I already promised a friend from my old school about going to her Halloween party so…" She gives me an apologetic look.

"Yeah, okay… It's alright." I shrug, trying to act casual.

"Actually, if you'd like… you can come with me," Lauren suggests, tilting her head to the side. "…to the party…"

"Uh, …no thanks. It's okay."

"Oh…"

I bite on my tongue, hating the awkward tension between us now. Maybe I should have thought about it more. It probably means something—her asking me to this party. But it's just not a place I'd want to be. I wouldn't know anyone there and it would just make me feel uncomfortable and more awkward. I bite my tongue a little harder.

"Well…" Lauren smiles a little. "Maybe next time then?"

"Yeah…" I smile back but it's tight-lipped and strained.

We leave the café a while later and take the bus home together. Our conversation isn't as smooth as before, but luckily, there's the scenery outside to keep us distracted. I imagine what it would be like if I could offer her a ride home. It wouldn't take away the awkwardness of what happened in the café, but at least I'd look less pathetic. A lot of guys can drive around in their cars, or their parents' cars, and offer rides to their friends. And while I do have my license, I don't have the liberty of accessing a car. I certainly don't have the money to buy one, and I sure as hell am not going to ask Marcus to borrow his.

Lauren stands up as we near her stop.

"See you on Monday," she says, waving at me.

I wave back and watch her get off. The bus is empty now, except for me and the driver.

When I get home, I enter to house quietly, not drawing attention to myself. I see Marcus' coat thrown over the backside of the couch in the living room and I'm about to sneak upstairs. But then I spot him in the study. He's sitting on the office chair, both arms on the armrests and his head leaning back. His mouth is slightly parted and I can hear soft even breaths—he's sleeping.

I take his coat from the couch and cover him up to the shoulders before heading to my room.

**- Tris -**

"So… you did ask her?"

"Yeah…"

"And she said 'no'?"

"Pretty much."

I sigh, turning back to my locker to put my books away while Tobias doodles on the mini whiteboard attached to the inside of my locker door. The hallways are full of people but no one bothers to pay attention to what we're saying—they're too busy heading to lunch.

Tobias has been sulky all morning and after much prodding, he's finally telling me what went on between him and Lauren. It seems my best friend got rejected by the girl he likes.

"What did she say, exactly?" I ask.

"She has plans on Friday. Some party with friends from her old school." He avoids looking at me—just continues to draw strange symbols on my whiteboard.

I snatch the marker away from him. "That's not really the same thing."

"Does it matter? She's not going to the dance with me," he huffs impatiently. "She said 'maybe next time' though, so maybe…"

I lift an eyebrow at that. It doesn't really sound like rejection—it sounds like bad timing.

"What else did she say?" I ask carefully.

"…She asked if I wanted to go to the party with her." He scratches the back of his head. "I said no."

"What?! Why?"

"It's with people from her old school; I don't know anyone there."

"So?" I slap a hand to my forehead, obviously upset with what he's telling me. "Tobias!"

"It's Four."

I punch him so hard on the shoulder that he actually winces. He rubs at his shoulder while I point at him with my marker. "She was… you should've said yes!" I look around warily, realizing how loud my voice is considering the hallway is starting to clear out. "If you like her, then what's the big problem with going to a stupid party? Sure, you don't know anyone there but you'll probably know them by the end of the day. That's how you make friends!" I hiss at him.

Tobias bites his lower lip in thought. He's so much taller than I am, and physically stronger, but right now, he looks like a small child who's being scolded for doing something wrong. "You think I should've said yes?"

"I… well, yeah." I shake my head and let out a heavy sigh. "You're such a hermit. What's wrong with meeting new people?"

"You know I'm not good with people." Tobias answers sheepishly.

"Pansycake."

"What?" His brow furrows in confusion.

"It's some slang Uriah made up. It means you're a loser," I answer sharply. I put the marker back in place—which is really just a random spot on my locker door since it's magnetic. I close the door to see Tobias looking at me with a frown, and I feel bad for being so hard on him. I want to be more sympathetic for him, but I just feel a bit indifferent right now. While he worries about his stupid little crush, I'm worrying about my marks and my school work.

Being sick for three days from school doesn't just mean coming back for hugs and kisses from your friends. It also means coming back and realizing you've missed a truck load of material you now need to catch up on. I skipped Wednesday through Friday of school last week, and I spent the weekend studying for my chemistry test while fighting off the rest of my fever. Caleb was great at teaching me the lessons I missed and helping me study.

But it's not enough. While I was writing the test earlier, I struggled with a lot of the questions. I was still hoping to get a decent mark though, because I sort of have this notion that school is fifty percent hard work, twenty-five percent BS-ing, and twenty-five percent luck. But when Ms. Matthews came over to collect our tests, she gave me a look that clearly said she's ashamed, and I _know_ I did badly on that test.

It's selfish of me to think of my problems before Tobias', but really, he didn't handle his situation well either. I bite the inside of my cheek and consider apologizing for being so harsh, but a voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Hey… look who it is. It's Beatrice _Stiff_ Prior."

I turn to the source and automatically put on a glare because I know who the voice belongs to. It's Peter _Asshole_ Hayes. His arm is slung casually around the shoulders of a cute blonde—a junior by the name of Stacey, or Sophie, or something like that.

"Still single, _Beatrice_? Maybe it'd help if you stopped being so stiff," Peter mocks while the girl beside him giggles obnoxiously.

I feel my hands form into fists and I start moving towards Peter.

The two of us dated back in freshman year; our relationship lasted for half a year before we had an ugly break up. If I could go back in time, I would slap myself for being so attracted to him. Back then, I really thought he was a good person—someone who was kind and loved to help others, someone who was honest and fair. And I thought I loved him, even though I always felt uncomfortable when our kisses got too passionate. I'm not good with intimacy and physical contact, but I was so happy when Peter understood and consoled me—and jokingly called me 'stiff' in an affectionate way.

I was so blind not to realize Peter sees the world in a very black and white scale—always weighing other people's actions. He isn't kind. He only helps people so that he can hold them at an advantage—so that they would be nice to him because he helped them before. He expects people to repay his favours as if it's part of the law.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise that he eventually got fed up with me for being _stiff_. It's not like he tried to force me into his bed, but he would yell at me for not being intimate enough—for not kissing him back as boldly as he kisses me, or for not wanting to make out with him in public. To him, it meant I didn't love him as much as he loved me, and that became the fissure that collapsed our relationship.

I remember crying about our break up for weeks. I felt guilty too, because it felt like I _did_ love him even though I couldn't reciprocate it physically. When I finally got over him, I started to notice him for whom he really is—cruel and calculating.

And of course, because he's Peter, 'stiff' became a weapon for him to use against me.

Tobias holds me by the elbow to stop me from punching Peter. "Just fuck off, Hayes."

Peter raises a scornful eyebrow at both of us. "And look, you're still hanging around your _best friend_ too. That's not going to help you get laid, _Beatrice_. Oh, or are you two fucking each other? You know, like friends with benefits?"

Heat flushes my cheeks and I scowl at him. I struggle against Tobias who tightens his hold on me until his fingers are digging into my skin.

"Stop, Tris," Tobias warns quietly. "There are cameras in the halls. If you want to punch him, at least do it later."

I can tell from the tense set of his jaws that he's dying to beat Peter up too but it doesn't stop me from struggling. He doesn't release me until Peter and his snickering girlfriend are out of our sight. I huff petulantly, like a child who was told she can't have a cookie, and shoot lasers with my eyes at the corner Peter just turned.

"Come on, he's not worth our time," Tobias says. But it's weak, like he doesn't believe it either.

I force myself to follow Tobias as he walks in the opposite direction and into the main hallway. Just as we're about to enter the cafeteria, another voice calls out to me—a friendly one this time.

"Tris!"

I turn to see Robert running up to us. "Hey, Robert."

"Hey, can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

"Um, yeah. Sure." I glance at Tobias. He looks suspiciously between us for a second before entering the cafeteria alone.

Robert runs a hand through his curly blond hair, clearly nervous. I'm guessing he wants to talk about Christina and Jake—maybe he wants me to ask Christina to be more civil. She and Jake were practically shouting at each other in our class discussion this morning. They even received warnings from our teacher.

Christina is one of my best friends, but like the rest of the girls in our group, she's got a fiery temper, which might be why Robert doesn't want to approach her about the issue. I'm not sure she'd pleasant with me either if I talked to her about it.

I put on the best smile I can manage despite everything that's happened this morning—the terrible chem test, Tobias' girl troubles, Peter, and now, this.

However, Robert gives me a timid grin and _this_ is not what I expected:

"Will you go to the dance with me?"

* * *

Sorry I made Tobias such a whiny pansycake. I just think it's reasonable for him to act that way in a universe where he's neglected/abused but not forced to adapt to a Dauntless mindset.

Most of my chapters end with a complete scene so for once, here's a cliffy. :P Be glad I didn't post this chapter last time and say I won't be updating for another week. With that being said, I don't know when the next update will be. I wanted to keep my writing five chapters ahead but I just started chapter 10. :\ I admit I have been a bit lazy recently but I'm trying to get my writing back into shape. Let's hope it works out. (:

Thanks for the support on the last chapter! :D Please keep those reviews coming—what do you think Tris' response will be?


	8. Chapter 08

**Chapter 08**

**- Tris -**

"Will you go to the dance with me?"

I try to recall the brief conversation I had with Christina and Will last week. Christina said Robert was stealing glances at me in class, and that we were passing looks to each other. I don't remember looking particularly at Robert in that kind of way, but if Christina saw it, then maybe Robert saw it too and got the wrong idea. Will thinks he likes me, which I'm guessing is true, now that he's asking me to the dance.

I think of how I feel about Robert. He's a good friend, but I'm not sure I like him in that way. But… it's not like he's asking me to be his girlfriend—it's just a dance. I don't have anything to lose so maybe I should go with him. If I eventually start to like him, then… that's great. And if not, I can just tell him, or not agree to him next time. It's not a big deal—it's just a dance.

"Sure."

Robert is evidently surprised at the simple answer. "Really? …Uh, great. So… maybe I'll pick you up on Friday?"

"We can figure something out later." I shrug casually. It feels like we're setting up a meeting for a group project instead of for a dance.

"Yeah…" He says and looks at me cheerfully.

Robert opens the door for me and we enter the cafeteria together. He has a bright smile as he waves goodbye to me and goes to his friends. I wave back, but I also bite the inside of my cheek. It feels like I just did something wrong.

I quickly buy a slice of pizza from the cafeteria line and go to our usual table. When I get there, Christina looks at me with shame in her brown eyes.

"Was it about me? Was it about what happened this morning?" She bites her lower lip as if she's expecting me to scold her about the shouting match she had with Jake.

"No…" I say as I sit down. "Robert asked me to go to the dance with him."

As expected, all of my friends react in some kind of bewildered way. All except Tobias, who furrows brow and chews his lunch silently.

"What did you say?" Marlene asks with an excited voice.

"'Sure'."

Will lifts a teasing eyebrow at me. "I thought you don't like him."

"I never said that. At least, I don't remember saying that…" I try to recall when Will might be referring to but nothing comes to mind.

"So you do like him," Zeke says with a teasing glint.

"Well… I don't know… but it's just a dance, right?"

Zeke stares at me and appraises my reply. Then he nods in an uncertain manner as if it's barely passable. Unfortunately, it's not a passable answer for everyone.

"I don't think you should go with him," Tobias says from beside me.

I look at him sharply. "What? Why not?"

"Someone's going to get hurt."

My blood warms at the implication that I'm not capable of protecting myself, or that Robert would try to take advantage of me because he's not that type of person. "I can take care of myself, you know," I say, rolling my eyes.

"I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about Robert." Tobias' voice is stern and reproachful. "I'd hate to see him get led on just because you're being stubborn and you feel the need to prove yourself after what Peter said."

His eyes are cold and piercing as they focus on me, and I hate it. I hate how he knows what's unconsciously plaguing my mind even before I know what I'm thinking. I hate how he's right—about me being stubborn and wanting to prove myself. And maybe deep down, this _is _the reason why I agreed to Robert—I don't want to be _stiff_. I hate how Tobias knows this before I do, but now, I hate myself for using Robert. And I hate how I'm too stubborn to admit to that too.

"Wait, what did Peter say?" Uriah asks with a mouthful of food.

"Nothing," I snap. It sounds vicious even to my ears, and I know I'll feel guilty later for misplacing my anger on Uriah. I turn back to my best friend and try to speak evenly. "How do you know I don't actually like Robert? Maybe I'll like him after getting to know him better."

"I highly doubt that," Tobias scoffs. "He's not your type."

"Oh, and what is my type?" I challenge.

His eyes narrow at me and I feel myself glaring at him in the same way. For a second, I think he's about to say something like 'Peter' just to spite me.

"Um…" Christina clears her throat nervously, interrupting the two of us. "Tris is right. It's just a dance. It's not like he asked her to marry him. So… it's not a big deal if she doesn't like him. I mean, people go to dances together as friends too…"

I turn away from Tobias and relieve some of my irritation in the form of a sigh.

"Yeah... So uh, what's everyone going as?" Zeke asks, obviously trying to diffuse the tension between us. "We're supposed to have costumes."

"Mine's a secret!" Uriah says smugly.

"So is mine," Marlene adds.

Shauna frowns and nudges her. "I thought we were going to shop for costumes together."

"Oh… I forgot. I already got something…" she replies sheepishly.

"I still need a costume," Christina says. "Maybe the three of us can go." She glances at me, silently asking if I want to come, so I shrug.

"Cool, I know a store we can go to. Wanna go after school today?" Shauna tilts her head in question.

Christina nods eagerly while I mumble, "Okay."

"Wait, are you all going to this dance?" Tobias asks, lifting an eyebrow at the group.

"Yeah, aren't you?" Will says. "I thought Zeke got the tickets already."

Zeke nods, chewing on his burger. "Yup. I bought tickets for everyone. From Caleb, since student council's running the whole thing. I expect all of you to pay me back, by the way."

Tobias puckers his lips. "I don't remember saying I'd go."

"Well, too bad. You're already on the attendees list. And maybe you can ask Lauren to go with you," Zeke suggests with a grin.

Tobias rolls his eyes. He doesn't tell Zeke that he already asked and that Lauren isn't going with him. I don't say anything either, because it's not in my place to tell. And after the small quarrel we just had, I'm sort of annoyed and if I do say something, it will sound like I'm mocking him for not having a date to the dance. For some reason, this thought makes me wish I hadn't agreed to go with Robert. It makes me wish I didn't have a date for the dance either.

-x-

After school, Christina drives Shauna, herself, and I to the costume store via Shauna's directions. When we enter the establishment, I feel my mouth gaping at the numerous aisles of costumes. They have everything ranging from bloody and gruesome to cute and adorable. The aisles are somewhat messy, probably because of the many people looking through them this time of year. There's a fair amount of customers in the store for a Monday afternoon. Most of them are like us—students visiting after school.

The three of us stroll through the aisles together. My arms are linked with Shauna's while we follow Christina who's excitedly commenting on everything in the store. Although I'm not a big fan of shopping, I find myself enjoying this because it's fun seeing all the different costumes.

"Oh, look at this!" Christina says. She picks up a very realistic looking zombie mask. It has a gashing hole on one cheek that's painted to look like the skin has been ripped open.

Shauna laughs and I crinkle my nose as Christina tries to put it on.

"Agh, nevermind," Christina makes a disgusted face and puts the mask back. "It smells funny… I don't think I want something with a mask."

I chuckle at her expression. "Do you guys know what you want to dress up as?"

"I'm thinking a doll," Shauna muses, tapping her chin.

"A doll?"

"Yeah, like a porcelain doll."

"Oooh…" Christina grins. "Those creepy things."

"Mhm, what about you two?"

"I have no idea," I say, examining a headband with cat ears on them. "There's so much to choose from."

"I know… Maybe we should just close our eyes…" Christina closes her eyes and takes a few steps away from us. "…and get the first thing we touch." She says. Her hand reaches out and tugs on a costume on the racks. "Oh!"

"What is that?" I walk over to her curiously.

"It's a black widow costume." she laughs. "Wow, I think I might actually get this. Will's going as Spiderman so…"

"Well, that's cute," Shauna smiles, looking at the costume in Christina's hands. "But isn't it just a black suit? It's kind of hard to tell what you're supposed to be."

"Yeah, but there's a red spider symbol on the lower back," Christina says, reading the description on the tag. "Oh! And it glows in the dark too!"

I can see that look in her eyes—the one that usually says she's found _the_ thing. It's a look I recognize from our shopping trips. "That's actually pretty cool. You should get it, Chris."

"I think I will." Christina grins. "That's one down, two more to go. Let's go find you a doll dress," she says to Shauna.

We head towards another section of the store which I soon learn is entirely devoted to dresses.

"How about these?" I ask, pointing to several of them. They all have laces and frills—too much for my taste—and resemble doll dresses with their flowery and plaid prints.

"Hm, these are nice," Shauna says, feeling the material between her fingers. "Lynn's got a bottle of blood at home; I can probably use that to make it look scarier."

Christina smirks. "A bottle of blood, huh?"

"Oh, you know what I mean," Shauna laughs, taking a dress from the rack.

Christina helps her decide on a dress while I continue down the aisle, looking at the many dresses. I skip over the extravagant Victorian-styled ones. They're definitely not something I would wear for Halloween. There are also some profession-themed dresses like maids and nurses but those look unbearably skimpy.

I move on to the next aisle which is also of dresses and skirts. These are more on the cutesy and childish side, and I'm about to turn away when my eyes catch sight of a bright red hood that stands out among the row of pastel-coloured fabrics.

I take it out to examine it. The dress of the costume is simple—light blue and white in colour. A thick scarlet cape with a hood is tied around it. Little red riding hood.

"You found something?"

I hear Shauna's voice and turn to see her and Christina strolling towards me. She has picked out one of the dresses with a flower print while Christina holds on to her black widow suit.

"How's this?" I hold up the costume by the hanger to show them.

"Alice in Wonderland?" Christina raises an eyebrow.

"No." I pout and point at the red hood. "Red riding hood."

"Oh." Christina chuckles in embarrassment. "The dress looks like Alice."

Shauna picks up a woven basket that sits on a shelf beside the costume rack. "Look, it comes with this too. It's cute, but I'm kind of surprised you picked out something so girlish," she teases.

"I like the hood," I reply honestly. "It's sort of mysterious."

"Of course you do." Christina rolls her eyes. "Well, it actually does suit you. Ready to check out then?"

I look at the costume again. Shauna's right—the dress is girlish and not very me. But the red hood gives off a tough and mysterious feel that draws me in. Besides, when else will I get to wear a hooded cape?

"Okay."

* * *

Yeah, the second scene is a filler. :P The next chapter will be long though, promise. I'll post it up on Friday.

I have a problem. D: I'm getting to one of the turning points in the story and I really _did_ mean it when I said Tobias/Tris will be seeing other people along the way (see notes in first chapter). But the Tobias in my head refuses to cooperate and my inner fangirl is throwing a tantrum so I'm kind of at a loss. I might veer a bit off path from what I have planned. So the bad news, some of the major events I planned out will be scrapped and I'll be venturing into the dark unknown. And the good news, you'll see less of Lauren—or maybe this is bad news for some of you, who knows?

Honestly, I'm kind of happy, not because I will be writing a lot less TobiasxLauren scenes (which I have been dreading), but because I can focus on other things that might actually help character development as opposed to a silly love triangle. Now, I just need to plan and execute them properly.

So yeah, just wanted to share my writing thoughts though you probably don't care about what I'm saying except that there will be less TobiasxLauren. (:

Of course, this doesn't necessarily mean FourTris will be together sooner so don't get your hopes _too_ high. ;)


	9. Chapter 09

**Chapter 09**

**- Tris -**

I check my reflection again before putting my makeup supplies back into their pouch. Contrary to Christina's beliefs, I do have my own makeup though I only use them for special occasions. On a regular basis, the only things I put on are tinted moisturizer and eyeliner, if I bother to at all.

The simple blue and white dress of my costume feels comfortable but it's puffy below the waist where it starts the flare out. The dress reaches just to my knees and I've matched it with white stockings and a pair of black buckle shoes I borrowed from Christina. They actually belong to Rose, her little sister, who bought them for a school play. Rose is thirteen years old, but we share the same shoe size.

I do look like Alice from Alice in Wonderland with the blue and white dress, especially since I have long blonde hair too. I grab the red hooded cape from my bed and tie it securely around my neck. Hopefully, no one will mistake me for Alice with this on. I suppose I don't care whether people think I'm Alice or Little Red Riding Hood, but I'll probably keep the cape on the entire night anyway. Red Riding Hood is an innocent little girl strolling through the forest and picking pretty flowers for her grandmother. But this cape makes me feel anything but innocent.

I pull the hood over my head to see how it looks on me. It makes me feel strong and enigmatic—like I shouldn't be trifled with. And the scarlet colour only adds to that point—it's the colour of a warning.

Maybe that's why I like it so much.

I take the hood back off and look at my reflection one last time before heading downstairs. The costume came with a cute woven basket but I decide to leave it at home. It seems like a good prop to go trick-or-treating with, but it'll just be a nuisance at the dance.

Caleb is downstairs in the living room tapping his foot as if I'm late. He's dressed in a ninja costume with silver accents, and he looks dorky in it—but in a lovable way. The sword that came with the costume is nowhere to be seen. Since this is a school dance, no weapons are allowed—fake weapons included. And of course, the student council president can't be seen breaking his own rules.

"There she is," Dad says, walking up to me. He puts his hands on my shoulder and says with mock seriousness, "Remember, no drinking."

"Dad! It's a supervised school dance! Of course there's no drinking." I laugh, gently pushing his hands off me. "And you can trust Caleb to make sure of that."

"Yeah," Caleb says impatiently. "Let's go now, or we're going to be late."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and give my dad a quick hug. "Bye Dad."

"Bye," he says and also gives Caleb a hug. "Have fun."

My brother and I enter our dad's car. Caleb takes the wheel while I sit in the back. It's only half past six but it's already dark out considering it is late October. A lot of the houses in our neighbourhood are decorated for the occasion. I particularly like to see the different jack-o-lantern designs. Most are of regular jack-o-lantern faces but some of our neighbours like to carve intricate designs as well. On our way to Robert and Susan's house, I spot one with a cat and another with a witch flying on a broom.

Caleb drives cautiously because there are many kids out trick-o-treating. They look adorable in their costumes. Our parents never let us trick-o-treat when we were little. The only way we ever celebrated Halloween was to dress up and give out candy from our front door. It kind of sucked, being a child and watching other children go around collecting candy while you give your own away. I guess it did sort of teach me to be selfless—give candy to other people to make them happy. Still, it didn't stop me from going trick-o-treating with my friends when I was finally old enough. But by then, it wasn't so much about the candy, but more of just us having fun and goofing off.

We pull into Susan's driveway and Caleb gets off to ring their doorbell. Susan comes out, dressed as a black cat, and gives him a peck on the cheek. She wears a pretty black dress with a tail sticking out and also a headband with black cat ears—similar to the one I saw at the costume store a few days ago. I squint and notice that she has also drawn cat whiskers on her cheeks with makeup. On the other hand, Robert is dressed similarly to Caleb. I have a feeling there's a secret ninja meeting at our school dance tonight.

I smile as the Black siblings enter the car, with Susan at the passenger seat and Robert at the back with me.

"Hey, Tris. Nice costume," Robert says, returning my smile.

"Thanks," I reply shyly. I'm not good with compliments. "Yours is cool too. And I like your dress, Susan."

Susan turns around to speak to me as Caleb starts the car again. "Thanks, I like yours too; it's very cute."

The pleasantries go on for some time. Caleb tends to surround himself with two kinds of people—either incredibly intelligent, or incredibly polite. The Black siblings are part of the latter group and while I like the friendliness, it can also be a little stifling. It makes me self-conscious, like whether I'm not being nice enough, or if I'm being too nice and starting to sound fake.

When we get to school, the parking lot is already filled with cars so we have to park quite far from the entrance. I pull my cape around me to keep the cold away as we rush inside. Outside the gym, two individuals from our student council are collecting tickets and checking people off the attendee's list. Robert and I quickly hand our tickets over and head inside. Susan stays behind with Caleb while he asks about how things are going and does his presidential duties.

The gym is completely transformed from how I usually know it. It's dimly lit and there's music reverberating off the walls. There are streamers and balloons, and a terribly excessive amount of decorative cobwebs. On one side of the gym, a stage has been set up for the DJ and on another side, there's a table full of junk food. A lot of junk food. Forget about getting drunk—everyone's going to go home on a sugar rush. There's also a table in one corner selling glow sticks and other party goodies.

I'm tempted to go look for my friends but since I agreed to be Robert's date, it's only fair that I stay with him for a while. We hang out with his friends for a bit, and Caleb and Susan join us as well. As I expected, most of them are dressed as ninjas. It's dorky and endearing at the same time. None of them are strangers to me since I've either had classes with them throughout the years or have met them through Caleb. But it doesn't take long before I start to feel out of place—and it has nothing to do with me not being dressed as a ninja.

Robert taps me on the shoulder. "Hey, if you want, you can go look for your friends. I'll come find you later," he shouts over the music. He smiles sympathetically at me as if he knows what I'm thinking.

"Um, okay," I shout back. "I'll see you later then."

I see Robert give a slight nod before I leave him and his group of friends. I feel relieved and guilty at the same time.

I weave through the crowds and search for my friends. As I do so, I notice a single lone figure standing awkwardly among the crowd of dancing teenagers—Ms. Matthews. She is wearing a long black robe with a matching black pointed hat—a witch. She watches everyone with an analytical gaze and holds a wooden stick—a wand—in one hand as if she's ready to cast a spell on anyone who steps out of line. If she was older, she would look like Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter.

I crane my neck, trying to find my friends through the thick dancing crowd. I finally spot the red glow-in-the-dark spider on Christina's back and the rest of my friends with it. They're standing by the food table, enjoying the free junk food and the chocolate fountain. I smile, feeling giddy as I stroll towards them.

"Hey, look who finally decided to show up."

My smile breaks into a laugh when I see Uriah in his costume. He's wearing a black long-sleeved shirt, bright red shorts, and a pair of neon yellow loafers. Beside him, Marlene is in a blue dress with puffy sleeves paired with pink heels. Both of them are wearing headbands with giant circular ears. Marlene's also has a pink ribbon in the middle.

"Mickey and Minnie Mouse!" I yell, laughing at how ridiculous they look. "You two are too cute."

"Yeah, they're _adorable_," Zeke says sarcastically in his ironman suit. It's made of fabric but there's padding in it to make it look sturdy. The head portion is a helmet and his mask is lifted.

I pinch my lip in thought. The gym is heating up with so many teenagers moving about so I can't imagine Zeke to be comfortable with what he's wearing. "Aren't you hot in that?" I ask.

"Hell yeah. Remind me dress up as Tarzan next year," He replies irritably.

Shauna rolls her eyes while I stifle a laugh. The dress she bought on Monday is barely recognizable because it now has rips and tears and is splattered with fake blood. She has painted her face to resemble a doll—a pale face with heavy pink blush, accentuated eyes with fake long lashes. She even drew lines on her face that looks like cracks on a porcelain doll.

Christina and Will are busy skewering marshmallows together at the chocolate fountain. Will is wearing a typical red and blue Spiderman suit; his mask is currently off so he can enjoy the sweets.

The only person that actually looks normal in the group is Tobias. He's in a fancy white dress shirt, black dress pants, and black shoes. If it weren't for the collared cape he's wearing, I'd say he's not in a costume at all. The cape is black on the outside and red on the inside.

"Are you supposed to be a vampire?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I think I'm supposed to be Dracula."

"You think?"

Tobias chuckles and takes out something from his pocket—fake fangs. "I'm supposed to wear these but they're uncomfy and I can't eat anything with them on." He shrugs, putting them away again. "Where's your date?"

Despite the small disagreement we had on Monday, Tobias and I got along fine for the rest of the week. He didn't speak about the issue again even though I can see his brow furrow every time someone else talks to me about Robert or the dance. This is how we usually settle things when we have arguments—by not talking about it.

I still don't understand why we do it. Sometimes it feels like we're irresponsibly sweeping our problems under the rug while other times, it feels like a silent acknowledgement to each other—that we don't agree but we're here for each other anyway. Whichever it is, the two of us have trouble staying mad at each other for long despite our stubbornness, so this is how our disagreements usually end.

"He's over there," I say, pointing at the group of ninjas across the room. "One of those ninjas, I think. I can't really tell which from here."

He laughs at the sight. "That's cute. Maybe I should've been a ninja too."

"I think you have to be initiated into the clan first." I grab a slice of cake from the table and take a bite, sighing contently at the taste of chocolate.

"I'm sure Caleb would let me join."

I stay with my friends, occasionally glancing at Robert to make sure he's not looking for me. We try all the different sweets and pastries and spend a long time at the chocolate fountain, testing how everything would taste when it's covered with melted chocolate. By the time I start to grow sick of it, Christina is dragging everyone towards the dance floor. Dancing isn't really my thing and normally, I would be more reluctant about going with her, but there's so much energy bubbling inside me from the sweets I consumed that I happily let her pull me along.

I bounce on the balls of my feet as I feel the music pump through my veins. It's loud and strong and free. The blur of people around me are moving to the same beat and I find myself joining them, lifting my arms in the air and chanting back lyrics. I love this feeling—the excitement, the energy, the rush of adrenaline. I don't really know when but I eventually notice Robert dancing alongside me and my friends. To my surprise, even Caleb and Susan are close by, dancing to the music. A giddy feeling builds up inside me and soon erupts in a frenzied laugh.

Time passes unknowingly and the rhythms begin to slow as everyone grows tired and tries to catch their breath. The DJ deliberately puts on a slow song and calls for all the couples to take the dance floor. The crowd around me disperses and my excited energy morphs into nervousness when my eyes meet Robert's.

Robert tentatively stretches a hand out to me, as if asking me to dance, and I place my hand in his. He places his hands on my waist and my body tenses. I shake off the uncomfortable feeling and hesitantly put my hands on his shoulder. His smile is encouraging as we sway to the music and he keeps a respectable distance between our bodies.

I can't bring myself to look at Robert in the eyes. I feel awkward and …_stiff_. Peter's laugh echoes loudly in the back of my mind. I hate the part of myself that's so wary of physical contact. I don't even know where the fear stems from or why no one seems to have this problem but me. Robert isn't even touching anywhere inappropriate, but my body is tense as if I'm ready to flee at any second.

"Thanks for coming to the dance with me," Robert says with a gentle voice.

"You're welcome," I mumble.

I bite the inside of my cheek. Tobias was right; I shouldn't be leading Robert on just because I want to appear less stiff, or because I want to force myself out of my fear. It's not fair to be using Robert like that, especially since he's always been nothing but kind to me.

"Hey Robert…" I start uncertainly. I take a deep breath before continuing. "You're a great friend, you know, but um…"

"It's alright, Tris. I kind of get it."

I look up at him, surprised and confused. He's smiling sympathetically at me, the same way he did when he told me to look for my friends earlier.

"What?..." I splutter clumsily.

"I get it. You've been acting kind of …I don't know, awkward, around me since you agreed to come with me. And I can sort of take a hint. I know you don't like me in that way."

I watch him carefully, searching for signs of hate or anger in his eyes, but there's none. "I'm sorry," I sigh.

Robert shakes his head. "It's okay. If you didn't want to come with me, or if you had changed your mind, you could've just told me."

"It's not—I don't regret coming to the dance with you," I say quickly. "I just… didn't want you to get the wrong idea. I mean, I like you as a friend."

"Yeah, I know. I can't say I'm not disappointed but I get it. These things don't always work out," He says coolly and smiles at me. "That's why, sometimes it's just better to be friends. Life is… simpler that way."

A few days ago, I thought maybe I'd like Robert more if I got to know him better. And it's certainly true now. I still don't like him in a romantic way, but our conversation has made me appreciate him more as a friend. He's more than just a quiet nice guy. He's observant, but he doesn't use the knowledge about others to manipulate them like Peter does. He tries his best to understand others so he can get along with them. Robert is someone who truly cherishes his friendships.

"Thanks Robert," I say sincerely. "And sorry I'm such a lousy date."

He laughs and releases me as the song ends. "It's okay. Look, I'm going to get something to drink. You want anything?"

"Um, no," I bite my lower lip. "I think I'm gonna get some fresh air." I point towards the double gym doors.

"Okay." He gives a friendly wave before walking off into the crowd.

People are returning to the dance floor since the DJ is playing some upbeat music again. I drag my feet lazily across the gym, suddenly feeling exhausted even though the talk with Robert felt like lifting a weight off my shoulders. I begin to notice how stuffy the room is, and how the smell of sweaty teenagers is combined with the intoxicating waft of sweets at the food table—a terrible mixture. I quicken my steps and push the gym doors open to be greeted by the cooler air of the hallway.

The hallways are lit but the lights are dimmer than usual, casting a dark orange glow on everything.

A few feet away from me, Tobias is leaning against the wall and idly poking at his phone. He looks up at the sound of the gym doors closing.

"What are you doing out here?" He asks me.

"What are _you_ doing out here?"

He rolls his eyes at my reply and scoffs, "Never mind."

I step closer, standing beside him so that our arms are just touching while he continues to poke at his phone. He's playing some number game I don't understand. I stay quiet and attempt to gauge Tobias' mood. His eyebrows are knitted in concentration as he stares at the numbers on his phone, but other than that, his emotions are masked.

"You were right," I say quietly.

He doesn't spare me a glance when he asks, "Right about what?"

"…About me being stubborn."

"That's not news, Tris."

I give him a shove to show my annoyance.

He chuckles and catches his balance, then puts his phone away. "What else do you want me to say? I'm sure you don't want to hear 'I told you so'."

I pucker my lips in thought. What _did_ I expect him to say? I don't know why I'm telling him this in the first place.

He shakes his head at me. "Did you talk to Robert?"

"Yeah… and I _didn't_ lead him on like you thought I would. He sort of knew I didn't like him."

"Oh…" He quirks an eyebrow, evidently surprised.

The music in the gym is muffled but the bass pulses through the hallway as we stand beside each other, both facing the opposite wall.

"I don't understand why you care about what Peter thinks," Tobias says after a while.

"What are you talking about? I don't care about what Peter thinks."

"Then why does 'stiff' bother you so much?"

I take a deep breath, stalling for time and gathering my thoughts. "Because… I don't… I'm not a stiff just because Peter says so. I just… am. Like now, I was dancing with Robert and it… it felt uncomfortable when he puts his arms around me. Sure, I don't like Robert like that but I do like him as a friend. When I think about dancing with him, it not a big deal, but when he's actually touching me, it's …weird.

"And I could say it's because I don't like him romantically, but that's just an excuse. I mean, I liked Peter. Not now, god, no." I roll my eyes at the thought. "But back then, I really liked him and I wasn't comfortable with him either." I wipe my hands on my dress and sigh. "I don't want to be like that, Tobias."

"…But it could be worse. You could be throwing yourself at every guy in school and sleeping with them."

I turn towards him with a frown. "You're not really helping…" I say slowly.

Tobias runs a hand through his hair, clearly exasperated. "Look, it's not a big deal. It's okay to be that way, Tris. You just take longer to be comfortable with people—physically. You don't have to feel bad about that."

"How do you know I just 'take longer'? I mean, I dated Peter for half a year and I was still… still _stiff._"

"I know because you're comfortable around me. You let me carry you on my back without a second thought."

I chew on my lower lip—I never thought about that. I didn't know I don't have this problem with Tobias. But I suppose everything is different with him… just because. It's not like I have a problem with Caleb or my parents touching me either. It's probably the same case with him—he's …_Tobias_.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't be if you tried to make out with me too," I reply stubbornly.

He studies me carefully before his lips form a boyish grin. "We could give that a try and see what happens."

I look away, half-annoyed and half-baffled with his teasing. Tobias composes himself quickly.

"I know you've had a bad …history with Peter, but not everyone's like that," he says seriously. "Maybe you'll meet someone who you'll naturally be comfortable with, or someone who understands you're worth the patience of getting close to. Who knows? My point is, you don't have to force yourself to change because there's nothing wrong with being a stiff. Peter saying 'stiff' like it's an insult doesn't make it one. It's not a bad thing until _you_ decide it is. So stop think there's something wrong with you, and just be yourself."

His tone isn't gentle or kind—like he's speaking to a child who doesn't understand. It's strong and bold—as if he believes in what he's saying and he believes in me.

It makes me want to believe in him too.

Tobias moves to stand in front of me, staring at me with his head slightly tilted. The corners of his lips lift into a half-smile and he reaches behind me to pull the red hood over my head. He takes a step back, leaning down until he's eye-level with me and he narrows his eyes as if inspecting my face. I watch him carefully, not quite sure what he's up to, and unable to pull my eyes away. His eyes are intense as he studies me and I can see a teasing glint behind them. For some odd reason, I feel myself blushing.

"Keep the hood on," he says with a playful smile. His voice is low and quiet. "It makes you look badass."

My gaze follows him as he straightens and gives me one last glance before heading back inside the gym. The doors shut behind him with a heavy thump, and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Despite the encouraging words Tobias just spoke to me, I find my mind entirely occupied with something else—something Robert said to me earlier.

"…_sometimes it's just better to be friends. Life is… simpler that way."_

When Christina asked me if I ever thought about dating Tobias, the answer had been an obvious no. He's always been my best friend—just my best friend.

But suddenly, I'm wondering if there was a possibility we could have been more. Maybe we choose not to think about it because this friendship between us has always been enough. There's no need to complicate things between us because it's enough and it's better this way—simpler.

I close my eyes and turn away from the doors Tobias disappeared through.

* * *

I don't know why this chapter turned out so long. But, meh.

I just want to thank all of you for following/favouriting/reviewing this story. I'm not very sociable so I might not always reply to your reviews, and it's very likely that I won't message you if you only follow/favourite the story, but it really means a lot (even when I tell myself I shouldn't worry about numbers)! For those of you who don't write, you might not know but authors will literally squeal and dance around in their chairs after seeing one more follow/favourite/review. (For those of you who do write, please tell me this is true and that I'm not the only crazy one around here…)

If you haven't followed/favourited/reviewed this story, thank you for reading too, because I know what it's like to be a ninja reader. We feel guilty sometimes for staying in the shadows, but it's just in our nature to be silent.

And if you haven't read this story, I don't really know what you're doing here, but hi. (:


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**- Tobias -**

I find myself lounging around in the basement of the Pedrad's house on the first free Saturday I have since the past several months. Now that work is over for me, I can spend Saturday chilling with my friends.

The Pedrad's basement is our go-to place when we just want to hang out at somebody's house. They've got a home theatre system, video game consoles, old board games, a ping pong table, a pool table, and just about anything else to keep us entertained. It's the type of place any teenagers would want in their house. Three of the walls are lined with posters of bands and movies that Uriah or Zeke are into. The last wall is mounted with framed certificates and medals belonging to their dad—an honourable firefighter who passed away several years ago.

Zeke, Will, and their respective girlfriends are at the ping pong table. The rhythm of the ball bouncing back and forth on its table is loud and irritating. It persists even over the rapid gunfire of the first person shooter game coming from the giant speakers in the room.

A wide grin spreads on Marlene's face as she headshots another opponent in the video game. Out of all the girls in our group, Marlene probably looks the most feminine and innocent—like she grew up playing with Barbie dolls and teacups. And maybe I was being just a _tiny bit_ sexist but the first time I saw her play a first person shooter, I was definitely surprised—especially when she beat every one of us at it too. Uriah had secretly admitted to me that was why he liked her. I believe his exact words were 'she's adorable but she can kick ass.' And of course, that's in a very literal sense since she actually has a black belt in karate.

"I'm bored," Uriah whines beside me. One cheek is resting on his fist in a universal 'I'm bored' manner. "We should do something. It's always boring around here."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes because it's so wrong to hear that in a room screaming 'entertainment', but I suppose people who grow up with stuff like this tend to forget they have it.

"We just went to a dance last night," Tris reminds him, not looking up from the book she's reading. Her legs dangle over one of the armrests as she sits sideways on the armchair.

"Yeah, but that was …meh. School dances—no booze, no dirty dancing, no fun." Uriah yawns as if to stress his point. "I mean, did anyone else notice Matthews glaring at our backs? That was creepy. She should've been dressed as Mona Lisa, what with her eyes following us everywhere."

Marlene giggles as she shoots someone else and fake blood splatters on the screen.

"So what's your point?" Christina counters from across the room.

"The dance wasn't that great?" Uriah suggests. "We ought to have a party of our own."

"Let me guess, with booze right?"

"And cake! Don't forget the cake!" Zeke shouts. He catches the ping pong ball heading his way, causing the other three players to look at him in mild confusion. "And you know what the best occasion for cake is? A birthday."

I groan at Zeke's implication.

"Oh! Your birthday is coming up, Four. What is it? Like …the tenth?" Shauna taps at her chin in thought.

"The seventh," Will corrects. "That's Friday, right?"

"I don't celebrate my birthday," I tell them as they gather around, taking the unoccupied spaces on the couch or sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table.

"You should," Marlene says cheerfully. "You didn't even celebrate last year."

"What's so special about last year?"

"Um, sweet sixteen?" She answers, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"There's nothing sweet about being sixteen," I scoff. "And isn't that a girls thing?"

"Oh…"

"Well, just for once, we'll throw you a party." Uriah grins mischievously.

I open my mouth to retort but Christina interrupts me.

"C'mon, Four. It'll be fun."

"Yeah, it's now or never," Will adds with a smile. "Who knows where we'll all be next year, after graduation."

I see Zeke's grin mirroring Uriah's, and I sigh. "I don't know…"

Tris finally looks up from her novel. She watches the scene carefully as if still deciding which side of the argument she wants to be on. The rest of my friends look at me expectantly. Uriah even starts giving me the puppy eyes.

"Look, I can't," I say finally. "You know how things are at my house. I can't throw a party."

"You can do it at our house." Zeke shrugs. "No biggie."

"No, forget it. It's too much trouble."

"But—"

"Actually," Tris pipes up, drawing everyone's attention to her. "Marcus won't be home this weekend."

"Huh?"

"They've got some work thing out of town. Dad said they're leaving Thursday morning," she says casually while I stare at her in disbelief. That's news. But then again, when has Marcus ever told me anything? I never know when he's gone until I find a brief note on the dining table, that is, if he bothers to leave a note at all. "Sounds like the perfect time for a party," she adds slyly.

"Great," Will says, clapping his hands together. "Looks like we'll be throwing Four a much needed birthday party." He smirks at me and I roll my eyes.

Christina conjures a notepad from somewhere and starts scribbling things down. I squint, trying to make out her messy writing and see that it's a list of 'things for the party'.

"I'll get the booze," Zeke announces smugly.

"How, exactly?" Shauna lifts a skeptical eyebrow.

"Don't worry, I have my sources."

Christina scoffs but writes Zeke's name down next to 'drinks' on the list. The rest of them continue to rattle off about things they'll need for the party and I try to tell them it's not necessary—that if they throw me a party at all, at least keep it small.

But no one listens to me, so all I can do is glare at Tris while she smiles innocently at me before going back to her book.

-x-

"Therefore, the enthalpy of this reaction is…"

I stare at Ms. Matthews' carefully cropped blonde head as she writes a mix of equations and numbers on the blackboard. I spin my pencil in one hand while my thoughts drift to my supposed birthday party.

My friends spent the rest of Saturday party planning much to my dismay. They forbade me from helping in any way except for making up the guest list—which I wanted to keep short. I didn't want to throw a big party and it's not like I have a lot of friends to invite to begin with. It started out easy, with people I'm actually close to.

Caleb, because even though we're not the best of friends, I've known him since childhood. And it seems weird not to invite him when Tris would obviously be there. Shauna's sister, Lynn, because we all adore her and she'd bite my head off if she found out she wasn't invited to my party. Some guys from the basketball team—even though I don't play this year, I'm still good friends with them. A few people from my comp sci class who I actually get along with.

All in all, there weren't a lot of people, and that's fine. Except Zeke suggested I invite Lauren and suddenly, it doesn't sound like such a bad idea to invite more people. It's stupid—throwing a big party to impress a girl, but that seems to be the plan now. It's not hard considering I'm friends with Zeke and Uriah who knows just about everyone. The list of people ended up pretty long though I generally know everyone. Zeke said he'll spread the word but ordered me to ask Lauren myself.

I agreed. It's strange but I don't feel too nervous about it. Maybe because I'm not really asking her out, just inviting her to a party. Or maybe it's because she said 'maybe next time' the last time I'd asked. It's already Tuesday and with the party just a few days away, I'll have to make my move soon.

Since my friends won't listen to my opinions at all, the only thing I requested is a no presents rule. Somehow, the thought of receiving presents from other people without giving anything back is uncomforting. It'll be even worse considering a majority of the guests will be mere acquaintances—people I'm not even close to. So we came to the agreement of no presents, though the gang agreed they'll split the party expanses and that'll be their present for me—a party.

"Tobias."

I blink at Ms. Matthews, who's quietly watching me.

"Your answer?" She taps a piece of chalk beside the equal sign on the blackboard and flecks of white flutters the ground.

"Uh…" I look down at my notebook as if to check my answer, but it's useless because I stopped writing in it half an hour ago. There's nothing there that will teach me how to solve the question on the board—_wait,_ _what was the question_ _again_?

Tris' elbow nudges me almost imperceptibly and without lifting my head, I steal a glance at her notes, praying Matthews won't notice.

"4.39 kilojoules," I say, looking up at Ms. Matthews.

Her lips form a thin line while she scrutinizes me. Then she nods reluctantly. "Good, very good," she says, though she sounds displeased.

Ms. Matthews turns around to write the answer on the board and I can't stop the crazy grin from forming on my face. She expected me to answer incorrectly but I didn't, and I barely, just _barely,_ escaped her wrath. Thank god for best friends.

I try to pay attention again but since I've already zoned out for so long, nothing makes sense to me. Instead, I let myself get distracted with watching Tris write. Her brow is creased and her lips slightly pouted. Her grey-blue eyes are awake and vigilant despite Matthews' boring lecture. Tris writes in neat blocky letters that are small but legible. The equations are aligned perfectly on her page in a way that also conserves space. I've never had to worry about missing classes growing up, knowing I can always borrow Tris' well-written notes.

When the bell rings for lunch, Uriah and Marlene are the first ones out the door even though we sit near the back of the classroom. Uriah leaves with a quick "see you in the cafe" as they bolt past me. I'm guessing I won't see them unless I happen to walk by that obscure hallway in our school where couples spend their time making out.

I grab my books and wait for Tris to pack up. When she's done, she gives me a smirk.

"I think you owe me."

"Owe you for what?" I ask with nonchalance.

"For what?" She huffs in mock irritation and swings her backpack on. "4.39 kilojoules," she hisses.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay." I laugh, guiding her out of the classroom with a hand on her shoulder. "I actually think we're even now."

"Even?"

"It's your fault I'm having some stupid birthday party."

Tris' eyes glint with amusement. "Wow, your friends are throwing you a party. What a nightmare."

"Well, it's weird." I run a hand through my hair. "Letting them throw me a party…"

"First of all, I think they just want an excuse to have fun," she says honestly. "But really, Tobias, it's okay to let other people do things for you once in a while. You deserve more than you think."

Tris wears a wistful expression as if she guards a secret I'm oblivious to. My throat feels constricted and I'm unable to come up with a reply. I don't want to tell her she's wrong, because there's a part of me, the selfish part of me, that wants to believe she's right.

"I'll make sure they don't go overboard and burn your house down," she jokes.

I sigh and mumble, "it's not_ my_ house." I continue walking but then I notice Tris is no longer beside me. I turn and she's standing a few feet behind, hesitating.

"Tris?"

She points to something over my shoulder and when I look around, I see Lauren at her locker with a group of friends.

Tris shrugs, taking a few steps backwards. "Good luck," she says with a small smile.

Before I can even utter a syllable, Tris is walking away, turning the corner, and gone. And I'm left standing here staring at the spot where she was just seconds ago. My pulse races, but it's different from the usual nervousness that occurs when I'm about to talk to Lauren. It's more of a panic feeling, like when something slips from your fingers and you anticipate the _clink_ of it hitting the floor while trying to catch it at the same time.

I shake my head to rid it of my random thoughts and head towards Lauren.

"Hey," she greets, waving at me.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Um, yeah." Lauren gives her friends a pointed look, clearly asking them to go away. A few of the girls looks at me suspiciously though one of them actually smiles at me.

I don't feel too nervous, but I remember how I said no to her when she asked me to go to her friend's party with her. Now, I'm asking her to go to _my_ party and I wonder how she'll think of me for that. I swallow the lump in my throat and ask anyway.

"I'm having a party this Friday," I tell her.

Lauren tilts her head curiously. "Any special occasion?"

"Uh, my birthday…" I rub the back of my neck.

"Oh, okay. Cool, I'll …be there, I guess," she says with a modest smile.

I feel myself smiling too, because that went much easier than I'd expected. I give her my address and the details for the party, making sure to mention the no presents thing. Lauren laughs and teases me for the silly rule and I wave it off, telling her with mock seriousness not to be a rule breaker. We lapse into comfortable conversation as we head towards the cafeteria together.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**- Tobias -**

Friday comes a little too soon. I'm both dreading and excited about this birthday party of mine by the time school ends. My friends invade my house immediately after school to decorate and prep the place. As with everything else related to the party, I'm not supposed to help. So I idle quietly by, observing as everyone move around like busy bees.

I don't even understand why they plan to decorate the house—the idea of colourful balloons and streamers sound childish to me. Unfortunately, the rest of my friends seem to think it's a fabulous idea so who am I to say no?

Will and Uriah are sitting crossed-legged on the carpet floor blowing balloons. I watch silently, arms crossed and leaning against the wall, and wonder how long it will take before their faces start to turn blue.

Tris is working on the streamers. One side is already taped onto the wall, while she stands atop a dining chair on the other side, trying to figure out how high it should go. She tiptoes and reaches as high as she can. Her shirt rides up a little, revealing a teasing bit of milky skin beneath her dark clothing. But even then, the streamer is slanted—she's not tall enough. How she got it higher on the other side is beyond me.

"Instead of shamelessly checking out your best friend's ass, why don't you help out instead?" Christina smirks as she walks by with a pack of Styrofoam plates.

Tris whirls around and looks at me incredulously, her cheeks a light pink.

"I wasn't!" I raise my hands in a defensive stance, though I also feel heat rushing to my face. "You were… I was… going to tell you that it's too low," I say, pointing at the crooked streamer. "You're too short," I add quickly, as if to emphasize my point.

"Well thanks for offering to help," Tris retorts.

"You guys were the ones saying I shouldn't lift a finger." I grumble, taking the roll of streamers from her. I step onto the dining chair and tape the streamer on with no problem, then I cut off the rest and hand her back the roll.

I put the dining chair back in place, just in time to see Zeke enter with a white box in his hands.

"What's that?" I ask.

He sets the box on the table. "The girls baked you a cake."

"Hey, hey. Um, excuse me?" Uriah calls out. "Yeah, I helped too."

"Yes, he did," Shauna says with a frown. "And I swear he put too much sugar in it."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

Zeke opens the box and the two of us peer inside. It's a chocolate cake decorated with white frosting. 'Happy Birthday' is written messily in the middle.

"Gee, thanks _girls,_" I say, looking pointedly at Uriah. "But is this enough for everyone?"

Shauna shrugs. "Since it's so sweet, no one's gonna want more than a bite size."

"Hey, the cake is perfect, okay?" Uriah sounds breathless. The balloons are starting to wear him out.

I roll my eyes as I let the two of them argue about the cake's perfection. Uriah eventually loses the argument because he runs out of breath and I have to take his place in blowing balloons instead.

At the appointed time of the party, people begin to arrive. True to Zeke's words, he somehow managed to smuggle beer into my house and the alcohol is passed around as he cranks up the stereo. Food is also delivered—pizza, wings, and other fast foods are placed on the dining table so people can serve themselves.

The house becomes foreign to me and I feel like I'm at one of the parties Zeke and Uriah usually hosts, except people come up to me and wish me happy birthday—which is actually kind of nice. There's a lot of dancing and shouting due to the music and I even see a few individuals looking rather tipsy.

I hurriedly enter the study, apologizing and ushering the few people in there out of the room before locking the door. I shove the keys in my pocket. If any of Marcus' documents are missing, I'd be in a shitload of trouble. I head upstairs and close all the doors as well. I even turn off the hallway lights for good measure. I don't want to find random couples making out in my bed. The idea is repulsing.

When I'm back downstairs, Will offers me a bottle of beer and I don't hesitate to take it. After worrying about getting yelled at by Marcus or about finding kissing couples in my room, I feel like—for the lack of a better word—a_ pansycake_. I should probably loosen up—it's my party after all. I let the alcohol seep through my veins until I start to feel better.

Light-headed.

Warm.

Giddy.

There's a loud buzzing sound in my head by the time I see Tris again. I smile at the sight of her, but then I notice her sheepish grin and the gift bag in her hand.

"Tris," I warn.

"It's not from me," she replies defensively. "Well, sort of. It's from Mom and Dad, and Caleb and me." She hands me the bag.

I open it, peering inside. "What is it?" I ask. My hand reaches in the bag to something soft wrapped in tissue paper.

"A scarf."

"Aw, with love in every stitch?" I ask cheekily.

Tris grins, shaking her head. "No one in our family knows how to knit, stupid. And we wouldn't waste time to learn for you. I bought it."

I chuckle at that.

"I'll put it upstairs for you," she says, taking the bag from me. Her hand brushes mine—they're soft.

"Thanks."

Tris merely smiles before moving away. I instinctively follow her, but she's fast, and small, and I lose her to the mass of people hanging around the house, dancing or doing whatever the hell they're doing. I see her dashing up the stairs, and I'm halfway there when someone intercepts me.

"Hi, Four."

Oh, it's Lauren.

"Hey." I grin widely, unable to control my facial muscles.

"Happy birthday again."

"Again?"

"I talked to you in class today." Lauren pouts, pretending to be mad at me.

"Oh, yeah…" Wait, she did?

"I didn't think you were the type to throw parties."

"I'm not," I reply honestly. "It wasn't my idea."

"Yeah, you have some party-loving friends." She winks and gestures at Zeke, who is a few feet away from us and trying out some dance move I don't know the name to. It looks painful.

Lauren and I share a laugh.

"Want to dance?" Lauren asks, tilting her head to one side. The lights twinkle in her eyes as she smiles at me. Cute.

I open my mouth to tell her I was busy tailing Tris, but then I remember—forget—realize—that I don't actually have a reason for following her. So, I decide,

"Why not?"

**- Tris **-

There's no one upstairs, so it's much quieter. The hallway lights are off but from the dim lights downstairs, I can tell all the room doors are closed. Tobias must have done this on purpose so everyone else knows that the second floor is off-limit. So far, it seems to be working. Compared to the party going on downstairs, the second floor almost feels eerie.

My feet walk the path towards Tobias' room. I open the door and turn on the lights. There are no posters or photos on the wall; the curtains are drawn, and the bed is made. The place is neat for a guy's room, as expected, because Tobias isn't the type to litter clothes all over the floor. It's familiar to me. Familiar, with a hint of something else I can't quite place.

The bookshelf in the room is probably the thing with the most personality, though only a small portion of it is actually devoted to books. There are three framed photographs on the top shelf. One of the Eaton family from before Evelyn died, one of Tobias and my family, and one of us with our friends. There are toys—Lego creations, toy cars, and action figures. Most of which were given to him as gifts since Marcus isn't one to shower his son with toys.

There are also magazines on the shelf, of sports, cars, video games. I'm tempted to check if there are dirty magazines there too, just out of curiosity and because it would be great blackmail material, but think better of it.

His desk is scattered with strange gadgets I recognize as computer parts and I push the metallic objects aside to make room before placing the gift bag there. Hopefully, I didn't disturb some organized arrangement I wasn't aware of.

I'm about to leave the room, but turn too sharply and end up bumping into the bookshelf. I hiss and rub at my arm as a _plop_ sounds in front of me. Reaching down, I pick up an old spiral-bound notebook. Tobias' name is displayed in childish scrawny writing on the front cover. I flip through it, wondering why he bothers to keep an old booklet of grammar exercises and spelling words, and then my eyes land on a particular page.

It's an assignment from grade two. I still remember it because of how much trouble I had, at the age of seven, deciding whether I wanted to write about my mom or my dad. In the end, I couldn't choose between them so I wrote about both.

The assignment is called _My Most Important Person._

And maybe I shouldn't be reading a reflection piece, because it's personal, even if it was written by seven-year-old Tobias. But I can't stop myself from reading after the first line.

_My most important person is Tris.  
Her real name is Beatrice._

I take a seat on the edge of the bed and continue:

_Her brother is Caleb.  
He is my friend too.  
We play at recess together.  
We eat lunch together.  
Tris is a girl but she is my best friend.  
She is pretty._

I bite at my nails to stop myself from smiling like a fool.

_She has long yellow hair.  
She has grey eyes.  
Her favorite color is blue.  
My favorite color is blue too.  
She likes to build sand castles.  
We build sand castles at recess._

I chuckle silently to myself, remembering how I always wanted to build sand castles when I was little. They were always gone the next time we came outside so I would beg to build another one. And Tobias would always humour me.

_Tris is smart.  
She helps me with homework.  
She is brave.  
She is not afraid of monsters._

Growing up, Tobias was a firm believer of the monster in the closet. I used to wave a flashlight at my closet just to show him there were no monsters, but he never believed me. I smile at the memory.

_She is nice.  
I go to Tris's house for dinner.  
Her mom and dad are nice too.  
I am happy because Tris is my friend.  
I want to be best friends with Tris always.  
Tris is my most important person._

There is a tinkling pressure in my nose, and my eyes are moist when I finish reading. It's stupid—this was written so long ago that Tobias might not even remember he wrote it, but I can't help feeling moved.

I try to imagine seven-year-old Tobias sitting at the desk in this very room. His eyebrows are knitted in concentration as he thinks of everything he wants to say about me. His small hands move over the pages of this worn-out notebook as he writes about his best friend. At the age of seven, he already appreciated me as someone important to him. No, not just important, but 'most important'. And to be called someone's most important person is …definitely _something_.

Smiling, I close the booklet and slot it back between the books on the shelf. I take a deep breath and wait for my heart to stop racing before leaving the room, turning off the lights and closing the door as I do so. I make my way back to where the party is but halfway down the stairs, there is an eruption of applause and cat calls—not for me.

Being a few steps high on the stairs, I scan the crowd easily, moving my gaze through the heads of people gathered in the living room, and then I see what the commotion is about: his arms are wrapped loosely around her waist and her hands are placed gently on the side of his face. Right in the middle of the crowd is Tobias and Lauren, kissing.

Tobias has had a crush on Lauren for months. He's horrible at making friends and at breaking the ice, but it seems like Lauren and him are finally getting somewhere. So I smile, because I'm happy for him.

I am happy. I _am_.

But there's also something else—some indescribable prickling in my chest—because even with what I just read—even if I was Tobias' most important person when he was seven, and even if I am Tobias' most important person now, I realize that I might not always be his most important person.

And the thought stings.

* * *

Before you throw knives at me, just know that if I die now, I'll never get to write the part where Tobias and Tris kiss. So please, spare me? (:


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**- Tris -**

"Want more cake?"

"No thanks," I mutter. "It's too sweet."

Uriah smiles slyly at me. "See, now no one will want the cake, and I can have it all for myself," he says, as if that was his plan all along.

I try to laugh a little, but it sounds strained. "Just admit you put too much sugar in it."

"Nope, never."

I shake my head and get up. I make my way to the kitchen to throw away my used Styrofoam utensils. The kitchen is devoid of people but the music pounds just as loudly as anywhere else. It's starting to annoy me. I glance at the clock—eleven. I wonder how long this party is going to last before the neighbours tell us to shut it down. To be honest, I can't wait to get out of here.

Just as I'm about to leave the kitchen, Tobias enters, a beer bottle in hand.

"What are you doing in here?" He asks upon seeing me.

"What are _you_ doing?" I counter, knowing it'll get on his nerves.

Instead of rolling his eyes or scoffing which is his typical response, he smiles uncharacteristically and puts the bottle on the island counter. He places his palms flat against the counter and leans against it like he just ran a mile and is trying to catch his breath. And then he starts laughing.

What the hell?

"Are you drunk?" I ask in disbelief.

"No, no. Not drunk, just…" He gestures with one hand, as if searching for the right word, but then just continues laughing.

I sigh and rub a hand against my forehead. Maybe I'd be laughing too, at how stupid he's acting, if I wasn't so irritated. I bite the inside of my cheek as I watch him and wait for him to calm down, but the longer I stand there, the more I start to think his laughing is directed at me.

I grab his beer and down the rest of it, ignoring the burning sensation as it trails down my throat. I throw the empty bottle into the bin and leave the kitchen and its laughing idiot.

"Tris!" Marlene shouts over the din. She grabs my wrist and pulls me over to where she's dancing with Shauna, Lynn, and a few other girls—they're having fun, like what I should be doing. "C'mon, dance!"

"Um, …maybe later," I say awkwardly. I force a smile and extract myself from her grip. She raises an eyebrow at me but then laughs and continues dancing.

I move through the crowd of sweaty teenagers, not catching anyone's attention. It takes me a while to find my brother but when I do, I frown at the sight of him holding a bottle to his lips.

"You're drinking too?"

Caleb shrugs and smiles innocently at me. "Just one. Don't tell Mom."

I roll my eyes. It's not that surprising for me to see Caleb drinking. He's dorky, and a nerd, but he's a teenager too. Caleb knows how to loosen up once in a while. If not, the school wouldn't have voted him for student president. No one wants some strict, boring, know-it-all as their leader.

"Whatever. I'm leaving. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Wait, I'm coming."

We make our way to the front door and I pull on my jacket and shoes without hesitating. Caleb, on the other hand, peers at the crowd as if looking for someone. I ignore him and head out the door. The night air cools me immediately, and I shiver.

Caleb runs after me. "Hey, what's the hurry?"

"Nothing." I mumble. My words come out in a white puff. "I'm just tired. The music is making my head hurt."

"Oh…" He rubs his hands together before putting them in his pockets. "Did you tell Four we're leaving?"

"Yeah," I lie. It's not like Four will remember anyway.

"Did you give him the scarf?"

"Yeah."

"Did you try the cake? It was really sweet."

"Yeah."

"Did you drink?"

"Yes." I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from yelling at Caleb.

Luckily, he seems to sense that I don't want to talk and stays silent for the rest of the way home. It's a short walk since we only live a street away. I'm kicking off my shoes as soon as we're through the door, and heading upstairs. I move quickly but quietly to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.

It isn't until I'm lying under my blankets and staring at my bedroom ceiling that I realize I'm not tired. Or maybe I am tired but there are thoughts racing at light speed through my head that I'm unable to sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see the same images in my mind as if they're ingrained in my eyelids. I see the way Tobias' arms were around Lauren when they kissed, the way he was smiling when they pulled away, the way she kissed him on the cheek after he blew out his birthday candles.

I shouldn't care about all that. Well, maybe a little, because I'm his best friend and I'm allowed to have opinions about who he sees. But the feelings that are crushing my chest right now is strong—like some kind of venomous snake curled around my heart—and they're obviously overstepping the line. I'm _just_ his best friend; I shouldn't be feeling this way.

I groan and pull the covers over my head. I watch the darkness around me until the air grows too humid and hot and I have to push the blankets away to breathe again, like a diver resurfacing for air.

I'm not stupid enough not to understand what these feelings might be hinting at.

But I don't want to acknowledge it.

**- Tobias -**

I wake to a dull throbbing in my head and someone kicking my leg.

"Yo, wake up!"

I open my eyes only to close them again from the blinding sunlight. "What," I groan, sitting up. When I open my eyes again, I realize I've been sleeping on the floor. Zeke stands in front of me, clapping his hands and trying to wake everyone up.

Christina and Will are huddled on the couch, while Marlene rubs her eyes sleepily in the armchair. Uriah somehow ended up on the dining table. Shauna and Lynn walk in from the other room, yawning and looking disgruntled.

"At least everyone else had the mind to make an exit after the party," Zeke mutters, running a hand through his hair.

I yawn and inspect my surroundings. The floor is scattered with garbage—empty bottles and plastic plates, fallen streamers and deflated balloons. Someone must have brought a confetti cannon because there are millions of tiny paper pieces and mini-streamers all over the room. The coffee table is also smeared with chocolate cake. I groan at the sight.

Zeke was right though; everyone seems to have left except for the few of us here.

"Where's Tris?" I ask.

I look around again, expecting to find grey-blue eyes staring back at me from somewhere in the room, but I don't. The rest of my friends wear blank faces as they look at me.

A wave of cold dread washes over me and I bolt up, reaching for my phone. What if she had too much to drink and someone took advantage of that? What if someone snuck up on her when she was walking home in the middle of the night? What if—

A clap startles me.

"Oh, right! I saw her leave with Caleb," Marlene says.

I glower at Marlene for her delayed response and my tense shoulders deflate as I sigh. I shove the phone in my pocket and plop down on the couch beside Christina.

"Come on, guys! Move it! We have to clean up!" Zeke shouts like a mother hen.

"Shut up for a sec, will ya?" Christina yells, throwing a cushion at Zeke.

"Yeah, the mess isn't going anywhere," Will adds.

Zeke fluffs the cushion and puts it back on the couch. "Don't you guys know the best part of the party is the clean up?"

"Stop being such a prick. It's not even your house," Uriah grumbles and gets off the dining table. He stumbles a few steps and then yawns dramatically.

Zeke gives me a meaningful look.

He's always the one telling everyone to get their act together. I suspect it has to do with his big brother persona—him keeping everyone in check despite his love for fun. Zeke's mom is very laidback and lets the brothers do whatever they want, but half of that is because Zeke knows when to be responsible.

"Okay, guys," I say, standing up. "Let's uh… get to work."

My suggestion is met with groans and muffled replies. I feel guilty for asking them to clean up when I know their heads are probably spinning like mine, but the alternative is to clean the mess by myself, and the thought isn't very appealing.

I start by gathering the empty bottles on the floor and tables. Zeke claps me on the back and smiles like I'm his obedient son. Slowly, everyone starts to move about and we turn on the radio to make the cleaning more bearable.

I'm scrubbing the top of the coffee table when the pain in my head finally dissipates and I begin to feel giddy from remembering the events of the party—like how I kissed Lauren. Then, I can't keep the smile away from my face.

The smell of pancakes starts to fill the air thanks to Christina and everyone's work speeds up with the thought of breakfast. After cleaning and having their fill, my friends are hurrying out the door, eager to get home to wash the smell of alcohol from their skin. I thank them, for the party and for cleaning. Tris may be right about my birthday being their excuse to have fun, but the party was still for me and their willingness to prepare for it and clean up after it shows that they're friends that are willing to stand by me when the fun is over. And I'm grateful for that.

I spend the rest of my weekend being an unproductive teenager, like trying to do homework but getting distracted by the internet. Lauren and I text each other back and forth, and we make plans to see a movie Tuesday after school. If I have to be honest, I'd say I wasn't really myself when we kissed. I might have been a bit drunk, but it doesn't change the fact that we _did _kissed. I'm not sure if I can call Lauren my girlfriend yet but I'm not in a rush to label her. Thoughts of the kiss and our upcoming movie date are enough at keeping me happy.

On Monday, I get ready for school with the reluctance and sluggishness that normally accompany Monday mornings. I shrug on my jacket and take out my new scarf from where I hung it in my closet. It's plain and in navy blue, but in one corner, the Roman numeral for four is stitched in gold thread. It's done in a way that it looks like a logo of sorts. I smile, knowing that it's Tris' handiwork. Sometime before high school, she went through a phase of making stitch art with the other girls. The framed stitch art of her name that hangs outside her room door is proof of that.

The thought distracts me as I'm leaving the room. I forget Marcus is home again after he's been gone for a few days. As I enter the kitchen to grab something to drink, I see him reading the newspaper. I keep my face expressionless and go about with what I'm doing, but he decides to break the silence this morning.

"Did you do anything for your birthday?"

"Yes," I say.

I wonder if he knows about the party. My friends and I cleaned the place well enough so there shouldn't be signs of it. Not that I care if Marcus does know something is up. I won't be in trouble because I know he won't care. He never cares.

I wait to see if he asks me anything else because my answer doesn't say much. He doesn't, so I leave.

I check the time on my phone on the way out the door and notice I have an unread text.

_Left early with Caleb. Don't wait for us. – Tris_

A frown pulls at my lips and I wonder why Tris would want to go to school early. I shrug the thought away and make my way to school, passing by the Prior's house regardless.

* * *

I've been having trouble writing this week, hence the slower update. It doesn't help that I'm currently obsessing over another series either. I'm just starting chapter 16 now and things are a bit brighter than the next few chapters you're going to read, so at least that's some incentive to write. My writing fluctuates between smooth and stormy sailing every few chapters, and right now, I'm going through the latter. So… yeah, next update will be, by latest, next Wednesday. If my writing pace picks up then it might come a day or two earlier.

I know some of you are about to cry from the lack of fluff in this story but it's coming soon. Thanks for bearing with me. (:


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**- Tris -**

I love the smell of the art room. I don't know what causes it although paint is probably mixed in there somewhere. It feels as though the very smell can get one's creative juices flowing, and maybe that's the reason why I'm currently sitting in the art room as I work on my creative writing assignment. One of the reasons anyway.

Christina is humming as she sculpts something out of clay for her art project. The art teacher, Mrs. Grein, allows her students to use the room without supervision. I'm not her student but I'm with Christina. She's vouching for my good behaviour. Mrs. Grein knows me as 'Christina's friend', and she usually looks at me with contempt. Every student is below her unless they're her wonderful and unbelievably talented art student.

Despite my appreciation for art, I can't do anything artsy to save my life. I'm not an art student and the art room isn't a place I'm normally found in during lunch time, so I'm surprised when someone slips into the seat across from me and I look up to find Tobias grinning at me.

"Hey stranger."

"Hey yourself," I mutter back.

"Any reason why you're avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

It's been a week and a half since his birthday and I _have_ been avoiding him. Whenever Caleb goes to school early for whatever clubs and meetings he has, I go with him. At lunch, I spend a good deal of time in the library being the model student that I'm not. After school, I've been staying behind to help put away equipments after gym class, or hanging out with my girl friends, and I tell Tobias not to wait for me. I really don't know why I'm avoiding him, but I don't know how else to deal with… whatever's wrong with me.

From what I know, he's been spending some time with Lauren, but that's no surprise. Lauren has been exceptionally friendly to me, as if her dating Tobias automatically makes us best friends. But that's probably the negative side of me speaking. Lauren has always been nice to me, even last year. She's genuinely a good person, and I'm just… being bitter.

"I've been busy."

"Busy," Tobias says evenly with a raised eyebrow. It makes me realize how poor that excuse is—'busy' is the type of lazy excuse people resort to when they don't want to explain themselves—and he doesn't buy it.

"We've started essays in English class, and there's this writing assignment for my other class." I gesture at the papers in front of me. "And… and I've been meeting with the guidance counsellor a lot, you know, about college applications. I've also been job hunting." I roll my eyes at the thought. "Caleb decided to go the extra mile and get a part time job on top of his volunteering and extracurricular stuff."

"Caleb getting a job means you have to get a job too?"

"Yes."

"I see…" He smiles, like what I said is amusing. It's annoying.

I look away, focusing on my assignment instead.

"What are you writing?" Tobias asks.

"A short story."

"Can I read it?"

"No."

I pretend to be busy. I gather my work together to look over it, but I just end up reading the first line over and over again. I can feel Tobias watching me and my cheeks warming.

Then after a moment, he turns to Christina, "What are _you _doing?"

"What does it look like?" She huffs and holds up a gooey clump of clay. "Where's Lauren?"

Tobias shrugs nonchalantly. "Don't know."

"Well, she's not here," Christina sings-songs. I'm confused with why Lauren _would _be here, but then I remember she has art class too. Christina slaps the clump onto her growing sculpture. I still can't tell what it is yet.

"I wasn't looking for her," Tobias tells her.

"Oh…" Christina tilts her head to one side, inspecting her work. "Why _are_ you here?"

His forehead creases as he ponders over the question. "Do I have to have a reason?" He counters.

"Um, since I'm the only art student here and I'm supervising the room, yeah."

Tobias frowns, clearly not used to being bossed around by Christina. "When did you become such a teacher's pet?"

Christina pouts at the term and makes a motion like she's about to throw clay at him.

He ignores her and directs his attention at me again. Noticing that I'm no longer reading my assignment, he swipes it out of my hand.

"Are you done being busy now?"

"Hey," I say indignantly. I try to grab the papers from his hands, but he holds them out of my reach. I stand up abruptly, causing my chair to scrape against the floor with a loud screech, and stomp over to the other side of the desk just as Tobias gets up and holds the papers in the air.

My blood boils and I can hear my heart thumping loudly in my ears. This is one of the things I hate most. It's the worst thing you can do to someone shorter than you—hold something out of their reach and make them jump for it like a monkey. I hate this game and I'm not about to play it.

I put a hand out, palms up, and glare at him, as if daring him not to give them to me. If he wasn't Tobias, I would have punched him in the gut already. His eyebrows knit together as he assesses the situation, eyeing the papers once before looking at me again. He must see the anger in my eyes, because he smiles guiltily and gives them back to me.

I huff, stalking back to my chair. "Go find Lauren or something," I snap furiously.

The words leave my mouth with a sour aftertaste. I don't want him to leave, but a part of me doesn't want him here either. Tobias doesn't respond, and I stare pointedly at my papers, refusing to look at him. I hear the sound of his footsteps leaving the room and I wonder if he's angry, or confused, or maybe even indifferent—maybe he really did leave to find Lauren. I bite the inside of my cheek, inwardly scolding myself for telling him off.

After several minutes of strained silence, Christina clears her throat and starts humming again.

**- Tobias -**

Tris doesn't message me which leaves me to think she's still mad about what I did at lunch. I wait for her at our usual spot after school even though she might be 'busy', because I want to apologize. I suppose I was being childish. I didn't think she would be so annoyed by it. I just wanted her attention.

Lauren catches sight of me and she walks over with a wide smile. She mistakes me for waiting for her, and I can't bring myself to tell her I wasn't so I end up walking home with her.

I've walked home with her a few times since… since my birthday. Her house is out of the way from mine so I always have to double back a little to get home. I don't know what to call this thing between us. It feels like we're dating, but at the same time, it doesn't.

We've been spending time together over the past week, but things are different from what I expected them to be. I like Lauren, but the excitement I feel when I'm with her feels dulled now. And my mind is often busy wondering off to other things—like Tris, because she's been 'busy'.

I don't know if Tris is actually busy or if she's avoiding me because she thinks I should spend more time with Lauren. Whichever it is, I've barely gotten to talk to her in the past week. The only consistency of her presence is in Chemistry class, where she sits beside me, but it's not like we have time for conversation when Ms. Matthews is always watching us like a hawk. Tris has also been answering my texts with one worded answers or ignoring them entirely. The whole thing is baffling.

"Are you in there?" Lauren waves a hand in front of my face.

I blink a few times, returning to reality.

"Welcome back," she jokes.

"Sorry."

"Are you okay?" She pinches her lips and appraises me. "Something on your mind?"

"No," I answer habitually, but then I decide to say, "I think Tris is mad at me."

"…Why?"

"...I don't know." I let out a tired sigh. "Do you talk to her in class?"

"Yeah. She…" Lauren puckers her lips in thought. "… seemed like her usual self."

"Oh…"

The wind howls sharply at us and I pull my scarf tighter around me. Lauren is quiet and I see a slight frown on her features, and I think I might have said the wrong thing.

"Sorry, does it bother you …when I talk about Tris?"

"Not really. I know she's your best friend," she says with a shrug. "I mean, I don't know… I just… don't want to be the type of person that makes someone choose between me and their best friend."

I'm startled by her honesty, but also by her statement. "What do you mean?" I ask slowly.

"My friends were saying how it's hard to date a guy whose best friend is a girl," Lauren explains with a small laugh. "But I don't know…"

I nod, letting the thought sink in. I've never been in a serious relationship so the concept of jealousy is unfamiliar to me, but it's not difficult to consider the situation Lauren is describing. I guess it would be a problem I would have to face eventually, whether with Lauren or someone else in the future, especially since my best friend is, in fact, a girl. I try to imagine the scenario in my head—some unidentifiable girl in my future, maybe Lauren, asking me to place them before Tris.

We get to a split in the path—the part where I separate from her and double back towards home. Lauren rocks back and forth on her heels hesitantly then looks up at me through shy lashes.

"Do you want to hang out for a bit?" She asks, gesturing towards the park just down the street from us. The November air is chilly but not to the point where spending some time outside is unpleasant.

"I um… I'm busy." The excuse sounds familiar to my ears.

"Oh." Lauren's eyebrow arches and she looks at me with slight skepticism. "Um…"

"I'll see you tomorrow," I add quickly.

"Yeah …okay."

I don't miss the disappointment in her voice, but I'm too distracted by my thoughts to care. The things she said felt like a wake-up call, and all I can think about is that if someone really did ask me to place them before Tris, even if it was someone I might love, I don't think I'd be able to.

And I'm not sure what that says about me, or about Tris or our friendship.

I take the path home without looking back.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**- Tobias - **

The bowling alley is dimly lit in a blue-purple glow with colourful neon lights lining the lanes and walls. Somewhere in the room, a disco ball spins and casts odd shapes on everything around us. There is an overlapping series of sounds: the initial thump of a bowling ball touching the ground, the low rumbling as it rolls, and the clanks of pins as they fall to their demise followed by cheers or groans. In the background, a hit pop song plays from the speakers, surreptitiously digging its way into our heads and nesting there like a parasite.

I reach for another nacho from the table we're sitting around as cheers erupt around me. Christina comes back with a smug smile from making her strike and high-fives Tris who goes to take her turn.

I don't know who managed to get Tris to come since she's been holing herself up for the past two weeks while being 'busy'. Somehow, I start to think she really has been avoiding me, because no one else seems to share this sentiment with me. The response I get when I ask one of our friends about it is that _I'm_ the one who's been absent because I've been spending time with Lauren. While that is true to some extent, it doesn't explain why every time I make the effort to contact Tris, she evades me or brushes me off. Even now, as we're gathered with our friends, she makes a point not to speak to me unless absolutely necessary.

It's starting to frustrate me.

Tris comes back and takes a seat across from me while Lauren goes for her turn. She busies herself with the food laid out on the table and doesn't look at me. I let out a small sigh as I watch Lauren bowl instead. She scores a total of eight out of ten, then makes her way back to the table and pats me on the shoulder.

"Your turn," she says with a wink.

I get up from my seat with slight reluctance and randomly choose a ball from the rack. Bowling isn't my thing and it's the whole reason why we're here today. My friends find my failures amusing and they thought Lauren should learn about this weakness of mine. I've been scoring lowest amongst everyone so far, with most of my scores not higher than four. Uriah quips that it's a curse that comes with my nickname.

I hold the ball up and concentrate on the stacks of pins on the other end of the lane. I take a few steps and release the ball. It rolls slanted to the right and knocks three pins off from the side. I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair. I grab another ball from the rack and bowl without putting any thought into it, sure that it will either fall into the gutter or hit one pin. Instead, it hits near the middle, knocking all the remaining pins down.

"Holy shit! A spare!" Will enthuses as I return to my seat.

"So what?" I ask, acting like it's no big deal.

"For you? That's a first," Shauna explains, as she passes me to bowl.

I roll my eyes while the rest of my friends laugh. It takes me a moment to notice that Tris is laughing too. Her eyes are bright as they crinkle in amusement, and her lips are pink and slightly swollen from the spicy nachos. I watch as her laughter dies down but the smile remains on her face. For a brief second, her eyes flit to mine before glancing away.

But from that brief second, I'm reminded of the normalcy that's supposed to be between us—I miss that normalcy. I miss seeing her laugh. I miss her smile. I miss being with her—not whoever's been avoiding me, but _her_. I miss my best friend.

After another cycle of turns, the game ends. Despite my surprising spare, my subsequent score was another four and as expected, I have the lowest score out of everyone.

"Once more?" Marlene asks with an innocent smile.

"I'm in," Lauren replies.

The rest of the group also voices out some sort of agreement but I shake my head as I say, "count me out."

"Someone's tired of losing," Uriah smirks.

I grab him in a playful headlock and he makes a strangled noise, trying to wrestle himself free.

"Count me out too," Zeke says, stretching languidly in his seat like a lazy cat.

Uriah's voice is muffled by his struggling. "Okay, okay, I get it," he says with a laugh. I release him and ruffle his hair, causing him to pout at me.

They get another game started and erase me and Zeke from the scoreboard. We watch the others play. Zeke decides to make obnoxious comments on everyone who gets less than a strike, getting on their nerves for his own entertainment. After watching for a while, he gets bored so we decide to take a walk outside.

The establishment has two exits: one to the outside and another to the shopping mall it's attached to. We head into the mall. It's Saturday and late in the evening so all the stores are already closed and locked. We shuffle silently in the dark empty mall, lit only by the skylight. Outside, the sky is a dark blue, but it's not completely dark yet.

"This is kind of cool." Zeke grins childishly. "It's like those secret agent-spy movies."

He crouches behind a giant potted plant and peeks out with a serious expression. His hands are clasped together to form a gun shape.

"Hate to break it to you, but you look more like a burglar," I tell him with a smirk.

Zeke straightens up, still grinning. "If I was a burglar, I'd be those sexy charismatic ones that steal for the greater good."

I laugh at the notion and he punches me on the arm as he says, "Seriously, I'm sexy."

We walk around some more, joking about random things and pointing at various window displays. We get to the midpoint of the mall where a grand fountain stands in front of the stairs that leads to the second level. In the middle of the fountain, there's a statue of a woman holding a tilted jug on her shoulders. Water usually spills from the jug and fills the fountain but right now, it's empty.

"So, how are things with Lauren?" Zeke wiggles his eyebrows suggestively as he takes a seat on the stairs.

I sit down a few feet away from him on the wide stairwell without answering.

He raises his eyebrows at my hesitation.

"I don't know," I sigh.

"Dude, are you guys fighting already? It's only been two weeks. You're supposed to be all rainbows and sunshine."

"We're not fighting. But it's not exactly like that either."

He looks confused as he glances at me from the side.

"I don't think I like Lauren as much as I thought."

"Um …what?"

"I don't know." I shake my head. "It's just… I don't think it's supposed to be like this."

"Okay… and what is 'this'?" Zeke asks, air quoting the last word.

I let out of huff of air, frustrated about my predicament and embarrassed to be talking to Zeke about it. I'll probably sound like a whiny girl, but I tell him anyway.

"You know when you like someone, there's the nerves and the anticipation and all that crap that goes with wanting to be with them. And that was there. …But now that we're finally together, there's nothing."

Zeke is unusually quiet for a minute as he leans his head against the railing in thought. His forehead creases as he shoots me a wary look. "That's fucked up."

"Thanks," I snap back sarcastically.

"So, what? You only want something you don't have and then when you get it, you don't want it anymore?" He scoffs. "God, you're a player in the making."

"I'm not—It's not like that."

"Uh huh."

"It's not that I don't like her just because we're together."

Zeke nods but I see doubt in his eyes.

I sigh in resignation. "I keep thinking of Tris when I'm with her."

"Tris…?"

"'Cause she's been …busy, and I haven't really talked to her these last two weeks. Actually, I think she might be avoiding me."

"Why would she avoid you?"

"She probably thinks she's doing me a favour, so I can spend more time with Lauren," I answer with a shrug.

Zeke makes an odd face. "Okay, so then leave the girl alone and spend more time with Lauren. Tris isn't gonna get mad at you because you want to be with your new girlfriend. She's not that kind of person."

I take a deep breath and mull over what Zeke said. That's what I _should_ be doing. But _I can't_, and it's not because I'm afraid of neglecting my best friend.

"A few days ago, Lauren said something…" I start, putting the words together in my head. "She said, she doesn't want to make me choose between her and my best friend."

"That's great."

"Yeah, but it just made me think, you know. And I realized that if I _did_ have to choose, it wouldn't even be a hard choice," I admit quietly. "And I can't imagine that choice ever changing. Tris is… she'll always come first, and these last two weeks are proof enough. Maybe it's because she's been so distant, but I keep thinking I'd rather be spending time with her instead. I know it's unfair to Lauren and I don't want it to be either, but I… my heart's just not in it."

I run a hand down the side of my face as I watch for Zeke's reaction. He opens his mouth to say something and then closes it again like a gapping fish. He groans and ruffles his hair into a complete mess, as if he's the one with the problem.

After a while, he sighs. "You're in love with your best friend."

"…I'm not," I mutter, but there's no conviction in my voice.

Zeke rolls his eyes. "Fine, think what you want then," he mutters back. "Whatever."

I rub the back of my neck tiredly, not wanting to think about it at all.

"What about Lauren?"

My finger trails along the rails of the staircase, letting the intricate designs distract me.

"Don't be a hypocrite, Four. When Tris said she was going to the dance with Robert, you snapped at her about leading him on. Now, what are _you_ doing?" Zeke scolds me with a hard stare.

He's acting like an older brother even though the two of us are the same age, and it makes me feel annoyed and grateful for it at the same time. This must be how he is with Uriah, seeing that they're not even a year apart. It makes me wonder how my life would be like if I had a sibling.

"Seriously man, fix it before things get worse," he says.

"Yeah…" I mumble.

"Hey!" A gruff voice shouts from behind us. "Who's there?"

A silhouette stands at the top of the stairs, shining a beam of light down at us. Zeke cringes at the harsh light and I bring an arm up to block it from my eyes as I stand.

"The mall's closed. You're not supposed to be here." A middle-aged man dressed in a security outfit walks down to us, still shining the flashlight incessantly at our faces. "How did you get in?"

"We came in from the bowling alley," Zeke explains calmly.

"Gah! That idiot forgot to lock those doors again," the man grumbles. "Never mind. I have to ask you kids to go back or else I'll have no choice but to report you."

"Yes… sir," I reply, unsure of how I should address him. Zeke shrugs and we make our way back to the bowling alley. The security guard follows along and locks the doors behind us.

The lane we were using before is now occupied by strangers and we find our friends standing in an odd semi-circle beside the front desk.

"Where were you two?!" Shauna half-shouts when we get back. "We've been waiting for like, fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen minutes is nothing, sweetheart," Zeke kisses Shauna on the cheek but she scowls at him.

"Lauren went to look for you guys but she couldn't find you."

Lauren gives a timid smile. Her arms are crossed and she glances away, looking a bit out of place.

"We were just chilling near the fountain," Zeke says. "But apparently we weren't supposed to be there. The security guard kicked us out."

"Lucky they did or we would've waited forever." Uriah rolls his eyes.

Zeke opens his mouth to talk back but Tris says a definite, "Let's go", and purposely walks between the two brothers on her way out the door. The rest of the group follows her without question, though Zeke frowns petulantly.

I hold the door open for Lauren and she slips by. Zeke is the last one out before me and he gives me a meaningful nod, a silent reassurance that what we discussed will remain between us. I punch him lightly on the arm in response.

* * *

I'm currently sitting on the 100 follower line. It's amazing to know that there are at least 100 people out there who read this story. And to know so many people are waiting for me to update really motivates me to write. Thanks for your support! (:

Just sharing a random thought I had while writing, I guess it's more of a reading-pet-peeve. 'Flutter', to me, is that unusual flapping movement of butterfly wings in flight. It bothers me a great deal whenever I read the phrase "whoever's eyes fluttered open" because quite frankly, I can't imagine anyone's eyes ever moving that way. The closest thing would be batting your eyelashes but unless you're a fairy, your eyes probably shouldn't do that when you wake up. Seriously, does anyone's eyes _actually_ 'flutter open' when they wake up? Because my boring eyes open in a lazy-tired sort of way (which is like the opposite of fluttering). I'm not judging anyone's writing but this is just one of those things that really bothers me. Anyone else have pet peeves about what they read? Not something that would make you abandon a fic or story but kind of annoys you?

I suppose I should share the sentence that brought about my rant. I'm still working on that chapter so it's subjected to change. It's from Tris' POV, obviously:

_My heart flutters erratically as I think about how easy it would be to just lean forward and kiss him._

(:


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

**- Tobias -**

I zip my jacket higher to fight off the cold as I wait for Lauren near the neighbourhood pond. Zeke was right—I need to fix things before they get worse. After spending the night thinking things over, I came to the conclusion that there's probably no way to fix it. The least I can do now is talk to Lauren, because if I don't, it feels like I'm lying to her—or like Zeke said, leading her on. But even though there are things I want to say, nothing feels adequate—no matter what, it would hurt her. And it's my fault.

Lauren arrives with tentative steps, her hands tucked snugly in her coat pocket.

"Hi," she says. Her voice is so soft that it's almost swept away by the wind.

"Hey." I reply, scratching the back of my head. She stands several feet away from me, keeping her distance. "Lauren, listen. I—"

"I lied."

I look at her with confusion etched on my face, but she avoids my gaze, focusing on the stray pebble she's kicking around.

"Yesterday, I lied. I found you and Zeke at the stairs and I overheard what you guys were saying," Lauren explains quietly. "So I think I know, what you want to talk to me about."

I feel my heart plummet to the ground. Lauren knew—she heard. I want to feel relieved because I don't have to tell her the words I've been going over in my mind. But somehow, it seems much worse that she heard it between Zeke and me. I imagine she feels even more betrayed.

I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing there's no way to apologize for how badly I screwed up. I say those two useless words anyway:

"I'm sorry."

Lauren smiles—a humourless smile. One arm is crossed over body, holding her other elbow in a protective gesture, and I can see the way she's closing herself from me.

"I feel like I've been played," she says bitterly.

"I didn't mean to… I like you, Lauren, but—"

"But you like Tris better." She finally looks at me, her eyes full of accusation and hurt.

I shake my head, but I'm not able to tell her it's not true—I'm not even sure myself.

"To be honest, I think it would've been better if you told me you didn't like me from the start."

I glance away, not able to meet her eyes because I'm so ashamed. It's my fault for being an idiot and indecisive and not knowing what I want. I hate myself for liking her but not liking her enough, and for hurting her in the process.

"You're a good guy, Four. Just…" Lauren takes an unsteady breath. "Good, but misguided."

"I'm sorry," I repeat, because I don't know what else to say and I really am, just sorry.

She tilts her head to the side in that endearing way of hers. "I like you, you know."

"I like you too," I admit without hesitation, no nerves—nothing. "I just wish I like you more. I mean… you're a great person, Lauren, but I—"

"It's okay, you don't have to…" She shakes her head and chuckles emotionlessly. The two of us stand there, both staring at the ground. The harsh wind that blows by is like a slap to my face, its coldness bites at my skin. "If… if you're ever with Tris…" Lauren sniffs and her eyes glisten with tears as she smiles sadly at me. "Make sure you don't hurt her."

My heart aches as I watch a stray tear escape from her eye. Lauren wipes it away hastily and I wish I could wipe all of this away too. I wish I hadn't kissed her. I wish I could turn back time so she could be the one to reject me, because I deserve it. But I can't turn back time, and I can't do anything to make her feel better because I'm the one who hurt her.

"Lauren…"

She takes a step backwards. "I'll see you around, Four." She looks at me one last time before turning away. I want to stop her. There's so much I want to say, but I don't know how to convey them in words. I watch motionlessly as she walks farther and farther away from me, until she's out of sight.

I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, trying to convince myself I did the right thing. If I didn't tell her now, I would just have to tell her later and it would probably hurt more then. Still, I feel guilty as hell for hurting her, and I welcome the feeling.

I deserve it.

**- Tris -**

I clutch my stomach pitifully as I watch the dodgeball game from the side bench. Someone threw a vicious ball that happen hit me squarely in the abdomen, knocking the air out of me, and I'm still recovering.

Everyone else seems to be doing fine so far and the playing field is still even. Christina is barking out orders to her team. She can be a bit bossy sometimes when she's caught up with competition and trying to win. Some of the girls from her team are giving her the evil eye and I recognize one of them as Lauren's friend.

At the thought of Lauren, I begin to search for her in the crowd. It's difficult since there are so many of us in the class and everyone is wearing the same black uniform. My eyes scan through the gym several times, unable to find her. Lauren doesn't seem like the type to skip class so I can only guess that she might be sick. I wonder if Tobias knows, but then I'm shaking my head—_of course he knows_.

I can almost imagine his brow furrowing, the way they always do when he's worried or thinking too much about something. I've barely spoken to Tobias recently. The last conversation we had was in the art room last week and I had snapped at him then. He sent me a brief text apologizing for being bothersome and I apologized for yelling at him, but other than that, I haven't spoken to him.

Even at the bowling alley a few days ago, I avoided talking to him. It was surprisingly easy because he didn't bother to talk to me either. He seemed perfectly content with Lauren and the rest of our friends. I feel the uncomfortable tug of my heartstrings. The fact that I pushed him away enough so that he doesn't want to talk to me hurts.

"Stop being so scared of the ball and just go for it!" Christina shouts at one of her teammates.

Christina's outburst hits me hard—harder than the ball from earlier—and it hurts more than the guilt I feel for pushing Tobias away. I realize that maybe, I'm just scared. And I'm giving in to that fear. As much as I'm afraid of losing Tobias to someone else, I'm more afraid of losing my best friend to my own feelings. I don't want to _like_ him in that way, because it puts our friendship in jeopardy.

_But I'm losing him anyway_, I tell myself, _by being afraid._ I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking. I'm a coward, and I'm selfish for only thinking of myself. Tobias once said I was selfless, and I wonder if he would still say the same thing if he knew I was pushing him away for my own selfish feelings.

I need to stop being selfish.

I decide to talk to him after school.

After gym class, I change and pack my stuff quickly so I can hurry to our afterschool meeting place. As I leave the school, I have the sudden thought that Tobias might not be there. I haven't been walking home with him for the last two weeks and chances are he won't be waiting for me. My shoulders slump from the weight of my backpack and I consider walking home by myself. But as I turn the corner, to the side of the school where we usually meet, I'm surprised to see Tobias leaning casually against the wall, his backpack on the floor by his ankle.

I wave to catch his attention. When he notices me, he smiles and walks over. It's a tentative smile that doesn't reach his eyes, but I can't help but smile back.

"Not busy today?" He asks.

I shrug casually, as if it's normal for me to be so busy that I stop talking to him for weeks.

We settle into an easy pace as we walk. The November air is cold and the air between us is no different. The silence is not uncomfortable, but it's not entirely comfortable either.

I clear my throat awkwardly.

"Nice scarf," I quip.

"Thanks," Tobias replies sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "So what have you been up to?"

"Um…"

"How's the job hunt going?"

"Oh. I got hired," I say with a small smile. "You know the indoor skating rink? I'm going to be working at the concession stand. I didn't even know there's a concession stand there but Lissa told me—Melissa Avery—told me she was going to work there but her marks aren't so good and her dad wants her to spend more time on school work. So I'm kind of replacing her. I'm working there during the public skating times so it's mostly selling stuff like hot chocolates and cookies or whatever. I start next week. It's not that exciting but at least it's something."

I take a breath and realize I've been rambling. It hits me, suddenly, how badly I've missed talking to Tobias. These last two weeks of avoiding him were difficult but as horrible as it sounds, I was motivated not to see him—he reminded me of those unspeakable feelings bubbling inside of me and I didn't want to think about them. Now, I know what a bad trade-off that was. There was so much I wanted to say to him, but didn't, and there was so much I couldn't hear about from him.

I miss having my best friend around.

Tobias shoots me a side glance and lifts an elegant eyebrow.

"…What?" I ask self-consciously.

"I'm working at the skating rink too."

"You are?!"

"Yeah, I'm renting skates, remember? I told you."

"You did?" I ask, biting on my lower lip.

"Yeah, I did," Tobias says evenly. "Why the long face? You don't want to work with me?"

"Well, not really. If you haven't noticed, I've been trying to get rid of you. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working," I joke half-heartedly.

Tobias laughs, a rich deep sound that I desperately miss. "Nice try, but it's gonna take more than that to get rid of me," he replies and nudges me playfully.

I narrow my eyes at him in mock annoyance but am unable to hide my smile. "Who knew you can be so clingy?"

He grins, and for a second, it feels like things are normal between us again—that despite these past few weeks, we can be best friends like how we always were and that everything is still the same.

But when my hand brushes against his, the hope flickers and I'm reminded of the fact that something has changed. Because where once I would pull away and be irritated by the ticklish feeling of our hands touching, now I crave for more—I crave for the warmth of his skin and the feeling of his fingers slotted between mine.

I stubbornly stuff my hands into my coat pocket to keep them from the cold.

He's my best friend.

And he has a girlfriend.

"I didn't see Lauren in class today. Is she sick?"

His face remains passive and I'm met with silence for a long minute. Then, "I'm not sure."

I frown. "What do you mea—"

"We broke up."

I blink as I repeat the words in my head. "…But, you guys were just fine the other day. Why would you…"

Tobias rubs at his neck, hesitating. "I broke up with her, because I didn't like her anymore."

I chew on my lower lip—that doesn't sound like him at all. He's the type of person that gets hung over something for a long, long time. I always thought it would be the same with _someone_. His break up with Nicole had been easy because they didn't have feelings for each other. The whole ordeal was casual and only happened because Zeke wanted to go on a double date with one of Nicole's friends.

But Tobias was actually attracted to Lauren. He had a crush on her for months, so the idea that he suddenly doesn't like her anymore doesn't make sense to me.

"Did you guys have a fight?" I ask gently.

His brow furrows and his jaw tighten with subdued anger.

"Did you guys talk about it? …Maybe there was some misunderstanding. Lauren is—"

"Just drop it, okay? It has nothing to do with you."

My mouth closes immediately at the chilling tone of his voice. I lower my gaze to the patch of dried grass lining the sidewalk. I haven't been keeping up with what's going on in his life so I really shouldn't butt in—especially in his relationship with Lauren. I don't know anything about their relationship, so he's right—I should just keep my mouth shut.

"Tris, I didn't—Sorry, I—"

"No, it's okay. You're right… It's none of my business."

Tobias pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs dejectedly. "It's like what I said: I broke up with her because I didn't have feelings for her anymore. And… I guess I hurt her." His fists are clenched at his sides and it makes me realize he's angry with himself. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed her at the party. I shouldn't have gone out with her."

I look at him warily. "I thought you like her… don't you?"

"I did. …Or I thought I did. I don't even know anymore," Tobias says with a bitter laugh. "I feel like such a bastard for what I did. She said it felt like I was playing around with her, and I didn't mean to but I screwed up."

I don't fully understand what Tobias is trying to tell me. I don't understand why his feelings for Lauren suddenly changed or whether something happened between them, but I can see the shame in his eyes and I can guess that ultimately, he had hurt her and he regrets it.

I want to console him, but I don't know what to say—how can I, when I don't even understand what's going on?

After a while, he sighs again and shakes his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay…" I say, barely above a whisper.

There's a heavy silence between us as we turn onto my street. I want to believe Tobias is keeping the problem to himself because it is something that should remain private between Lauren and him, and not because he doesn't want to confide in me anymore. But I also know I haven't been a good friend to him lately, so it's natural if he doesn't want to talk to me.

When we get to the front of my house, I turn to him.

"I'm sorry."

"What?" Tobias asks, looking thoroughly confused.

"I'm sorry I've been kind of… gone recently," I say anxiously. "I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I've just …had to deal with my own problems."

Tobias stares at me with a crease in his forehead. I can almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as he decides whether he should ask me to clarify. In the end, he doesn't.

"It's okay. Like I said earlier, you can't get rid of me that easily," he says with a weak smile.

I mirror his smile, but when I look at him, I can see the five year old boy who refused to leave after his mother's funeral—the same boy who refused to let go of his father's hand as the man pushed him roughly into the classroom and left without looking back. I see the scars of someone who has been abandoned by the people closest to him—whether unwillingly or by choice—and it scares me, so much, to know that I could give him a scar just as deep.

It scares me more than the possibility of losing him.

I take a step toward Tobias and with a slight tiptoe, I warp my arms around his neck. He's tall, and the motion pulls him into a slight bend.

My heartbeat quickens but I calmly remind myself that I'm not hugging him for that kind of reason. I might have feelings for him, but regardless, this isn't a romantic hug. This is a hug between best friends—an apologetic hug, a hug to tell him that I still want to be there for him even if I've been absent these past two weeks.

After a moment of hesitation, I feel his arms around my waist and his head lean into mine so that his ear brushes my cheek.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" He asks softly, his breath skimming the back of my neck.

We see each other every day since we have class together, but I don't miss the meaning behind his question.

"Yeah," I answer back. "I'll be there."

* * *

After much revising, I'm finally satisfied with this chapter. Thank you, to inu no niichan. I know you said I should write the story the way I see it, but your review really helped me fix this chapter. I realized my greatest dissatisfaction wasn't with how Tobias broke up with Lauren or how Tris felt about it, but rather with how things were resolved between Tobias and Tris. They say you should let the characters make their own decisions, and it was easy for me to see Tobias forgiving Tris for disappearing. But the reason why he's so lenient about it was always obscure and hard to grasp. When I finally got it, I was able to write that last bit of the chapter. That little part in front of Tris' house wasn't originally there, but I'm glad I got to write it now because it adds more depth to their relationship. (:

I changed my pen name so it coincides with my tumblr account (and because it _sort of_ sounds like my nickname in real life). So yeah, if anyone was wondering, I'm still meee. :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**- Tris -**

I rest my cheek against a fist as I listen to Caleb speak to the class in a calm and steady voice. Class presentations don't faze him one bit. In fact, he loves them. He likes learning but he also likes to play the role of the teacher and class presentations allow him to do just that. He points at something on the board to indicate his point and continues to speak. I wonder if he's aware of the rest of the class being half asleep.

Ms Matthews sits at her desk, nodding periodically and looking pleased with whatever Caleb's saying. It's a clear contrast to her expression from earlier—from when _I_ made my presentation. She looked mightily disappointed with me then, shaking her head occasionally. Over the last few months, I've learned that no matter what I do, she's never happy with it, and it annoys me. It's like she has a personal grudge against me, or she naturally dislikes me because I don't live up to the standards set by my brother.

Tobias is leaning back against his chair and staring at Caleb blankly. I can tell he's about to fall asleep from the ways his eyes keep blinking and his eyelids droop heavily, as if it's a chore to keep them open—which it probably is.

When Caleb finishes, Ms Matthews announces we don't have time for another presentation so we wait for the bell to ring. She talks to Caleb about his performance while the rest of the class breaks out into quiet chatter.

Uriah yawns loudly behind me. I turn and give him a disapproving look while he stretches like he just woke up from a peaceful nap.

"Is it over?" He asks in mid-stretch. "God, why is today's chem class so long?"

Tobias twists around in his seat to face him. "It's always long."

"Today is the worst though." Marlene pouts, doodling in her notebook.

Uriah nods in agreement. "Yup… Anyway, you guys wanna study after we eat lunch?"

I gap in mock horror. "You? Study?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Geniuses don't need to study. But I make an exception for chem since it's _so_ fascinating," he says with a lop-sided smile. "So?"

"Sounds good to me," Marlene replies. "The test is on Friday, right? I really need to figure out those homework questions."

Tobias crinkles his nose, appalled by the suggestion of studying.

The expression amuses me and brings a smile to my lips. "Count me in."

"You too?" He asks, arching an eyebrow.

"Caleb's already getting higher marks than me," I say while glancing at Caleb. Ms. Matthews is still talking to him with a delightful smile on her face. I can imagine all the praises she's throwing at him. "I have to catch up somehow."

Tobias rolls his eyes. "Right… that."

"So you in or what?" Uriah prompts him as the bell rings.

"Fine," Tobias says in a dull voice.

We have a quick lunch in the cafeteria with the rest of our friends before heading to the library. Despite the place being called a library, our school library is not particularly quiet. It is, however, filled with an assortment of books like any other library. Every shelf is packed from top to bottom with no space to spare. There's even a section with children's picture books even though we're in a high school.

The four of us claim a table in the corner. I drop my backpack on my seat and excuse myself to use the washroom.

The off-white colour of the washroom tiles always make me wonder if it's natural of it's from years of grime. The stalls are a boring grey, but the insides are filled with interesting graffiti made by students in permanent marker. It's vandalism, of course, but it makes the stalls look so much more charming. There are many hearts containing initials, and quotes or song lyrics. In one corner, I recognize a bizarre fire-breathing monster that is one of Lynn's creations.

When I'm done with my business, I reach for the lock on the stall to leave, but my hand stills at the sound of my name.

"It's obviously Tris' fault."

Footsteps echo off the tiled walls.

"Oh, come on, Angie. Lauren said it's nobody's fault," says another voice.

"Yeah… but I don't really believe it," says a third one. "Lauren actually liked him, so why would they break up all of a sudden?"

"Exactly," the first voice—Angie—says. "And I'm pretty sure Four liked her too."

I peer through the crack of the stall door and recognize three of Lauren's friends—Angie, Grace, and Pamela. They're standing near the mirrors, presumably fixing their makeup.

Grace sighs. "But I don't think Tris has anything to do with it. She and Four are just friends."

"I don't know about that, Gracie," Angie tsks with a condescending note. "Like I said, it's complicated when your boyfriend's best friend is a girl."

"Even if Tris didn't actually do anything, her being Four's best friend could have caused a strain in their relationship." Pamela explains calmly.

"Personally, I don't believe Tris sees him as 'just a friend'. I mean, seriously, Four's hot."

"Yeah, but…" Grace trails off uncertainly. "I just think that Fo—"

My fingers twist the lock open and I step out of the washroom stall. I don't know what wills me to do it—because I don't want to hear anything else they say, or because I'm stubborn and want to show them their words don't matter to me. Either way, by the time I consider regretting my actions, it's too late.

The three girls turn towards me with their mouths agape. I ignore them and proceed to wash my hands, keeping my expression blank. No anger. No sadness. No guilt. If only I was wearing earphones, then I can pretend not to have heard them at all. Unfortunately, that isn't the case.

I blow dry my hands and as I walk out, I look at each of the girls boldly in the eyes. Angie and Pamela are still horrified by my presence but Grace looks apologetic. When I'm finally out of their sight and back in the hallways, I let out a heavy sigh.

Guilt begins to manifest inside me from their accusations. Is there any truth in the things they said? Did I somehow cause the break up between Tobias and Lauren?

I haven't exactly been around them. For the two weeks that they dated, I've been avoiding Tobias so Lauren couldn't have been jealous of my being in their way. Because clearly, I wasn't. Lauren was also nice to me every time we _were_ together so I doubt she secretly hated me—she doesn't seem like that type of person.

I make my way back to the library, trying to convince myself their breakup is not my fault. But I can't help feeling guilty.

"What happened to you? You look like you've seen a ghost," Uriah says when I reach our library table.

"Was it Moaning Myrtle?" Marlene teases with a wink.

"Ha, ha," I answer back drily. "Very funny." I sit down beside Tobias and ignore the concern creased on his forehead as I open my textbook.

The four of us begin working on review questions, but our studying mood only lasts for about fifteen minutes before we get distracted. Uriah starts talking about some funny video he saw online and the discussion segues to other things while our chem textbooks lay forgotten. I tap my pencil steadily against my notebook as I listen to my them talk.

"Come on, Trissy. Relax a little," Uriah says when he notices my sour mood.

I send him an unpleasant scowl. "First of all, do _not_ call me that. It makes me sound like… a pansycake. And second, _you_ were the one who suggested we study."

"We are studying," he says indifferently. "It's just not _hardcore_ studying. Chill out, the test is still three days away."

"Look, even your brother's goofing off." Marlene nods towards another table where Caleb is unproductively chatting with his friends.

"What's with you and Caleb anyway?"

"Sibling rivalry," Tobias answers for me.

"Seems kind of one-sided though."

"It is."

I huff irritably. "You don't get it," I say to my best friend. "When you're the younger child, you're constantly compared to your older sibling, and they just set these expectations that you're supposed to live up to. Don't you get that with Zeke?" I ask Uriah.

"Nope…" Uriah's lips pucker in thought and then with an insolent smirk, he adds, "But it's not like Zeke sets high expectations for me, so I wouldn't know."

Tobias and Marlene share a grin while I raise a skeptical eyebrow.

"Seriously though, we don't really have this sibling competition thing between us. I wanna get into med school and he wants to be a firefighter like our Pops, so nothing to compete about there."

"Fine, whatever. It's not all about Caleb, you know. I want to do well on this test too," I say defensively.

"You will," Tobias placates. "Stop worrying about it."

Marlene starts packing her stuff. "Anyway… lunch is almost over."

Uriah whistles an annoying tune as he begins putting his books away too.

I look at the clock on the wall. "There's ten minutes left."

"Five," Uriah corrects.

"Five until the first bell, and ten until the second bell. It doesn't take ten minutes to get to class."

"Well, we don't want to be late," he answers back with a wink.

Tobias smirks at the couple. "I hope a teacher walks in on you two making out."

"I second that," I add innocently. "In fact, I hope it's Ms. Matthews."

Marlene sticks her tongue out at us as Uriah takes her hand and the two of them leave. I chuckle at her childish display and starts packing my own books as well.

"I'll walk you," Tobias says suddenly.

I lift an eyebrow at the offer. We don't usually walk each other to class. That's not something we do.

He shrugs and slings his backpack over one shoulder. "I don't want to go to comp sci yet."

"Oh…" I bite the inside of my cheek as I hear the meaning behind those words: _I don't want to see Lauren yet._ "…Okay."

Despite being the one who ended the relationship, Tobias seems rather regretful about the whole thing. I'm almost certain that he has feelings for Lauren so I don't understand why he broke up with her. Perhaps that's why I'm paranoid about what Lauren's friends said—maybe it _is_ my fault.

I want to ask Tobias but I know I shouldn't pry, especially since he clearly said he doesn't want to talk about it. Even if he doesn't mind talking, I'm not sure I'm brave enough to ask. I don't know how I'd feel if he told me I am the reason why they broke up, not when my feelings are already so complicated on their own.

I'm slowly brought out of my thoughts when I feel the slight pain in my cheeks. Then I notice Tobias pinching them. My eyes widen and I smack his hands away. "What are you doing?!" I ask, my voice incredulous.

He shrugs. "You were spacing out." His hand circles around my wrist as he pulls me along and out of the library.

"And that's a reason for you to pinch me?" I whine, rubbing at my cheek. I can feel the blood rushing to my skin for more reasons than one. "Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome." He replies cheekily. He's still holding my wrist and dragging me through the hallways. I don't have the heart to pull away. "I think Uriah's right. You need to chill out. What are you so stressed out about?"

"Nothing, I'm not… stressed."

Tobias stops and whirls around so quickly that I almost walk into him. "Nothing," he deadpans.

"Yes, nothing." I'm not about to tell him I'm stressed about his breakup with Lauren, because that shouldn't have anything to do with me. And I don't want to tell him I'm jealous of my brother always getting higher marks than me, since he probably knows that already. So, nothing.

I make the effort to look at him straight in the eyes so he might actually believe me. I love how peculiar his eyes are—dark blue with a dash of light blue in his left eye. It reminds me of dusk, when the stubborn sliver of light refuses to give into the dark.

"Liar," he mumbles, releasing my wrist. "I know something's bothering you. You're so moody today."

"I'm a teenage girl. I'm allowed to be moody."

"Oh… Is this supposed to be PMS or something?" He teases.

"What? No!" I shout. Luckily, it's drowned out by the sound of the bell. The lazy atmosphere of the hallways shifts as everyone now strides purposefully to their lockers and classes. "I don't have PMS. But if I was _really_ PMSing, I would've kicked you into next Sunday by now."

"I'd like to see you try," he challenges with a smile.

"You're such a jerk," I say, biting back my own. Down the hall, I see Christina and Shauna heading for class in the other direction. "I'm gonna walk with Chris and Shauna instead. At least they won't make fun of me for being moody."

Tobias swings his head around to look for the girls in the crowd, and then he turns back to me with a frown. "You're ditching me after I offered to walk you to class?"

"Yup."

He lets out a dramatic sigh and I take the unexpected moment to reach for his cheeks, pinching them not-so-gently in revenge for what he did earlier. Tobias squirms and lets out a strangled cry as I let go and bolt towards Christina and Shauna with a silly grin on my face.

It's so unfair—how he can lift my mood with just a few words and a stupid pinch on the cheeks.

* * *

Something I forgot to mention: This story takes place in Chicago (or at least, some fictional part of the city). It's not that important but in case you're wondering why it snows in later chapters, the climate is based on Chicago's.

I spent 90% of my free time this week glued to my kindle so I didn't get a lot of writing done… (If anyone's into contemporary romance, check out _Maybe Someday_ by Colleen Hoover. Agh. I can't get over the feels from this book.)


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

**- Tobias** -

The smell of roast turkey and buttered corn wafting through the living room makes my stomach growl and my mouth water. The scent stirs my desire to leave the room and head for the kitchen, as if the presence of Marcus sitting beside me isn't already enough. He's talking to Tris' dad about something.

It's a tradition for our families to celebrate Thanksgiving together, and it's the only time I ever have a meal with Marcus anymore. Dad is keeping Marcus and I company while the rest of the Priors prepare for dinner.

Through the archway leading to the kitchen, I can see Tris. Her blond hair is pulled into a messy ponytail that sways with her movements and her cheeks are flushed from the heat. She ironically wears an apron with an infamous quote from The Hunger Games as she helps prepare for one of the grandest meal of the year. I always knew Tris can cook since she grew up helping her mother around the kitchen, but I never thought much about it until now. It's endearing—the way she moves about the kitchen with finesse and completes whatever tasks she's set out to do.

Things have settled back into normalcy between Tris and me. I spend time with her regularly again but she still acts strange at times. I can tell something's upsetting her and though I don't know for sure, I would guess it has to do with school work. Tris' obsession with studying these last few days have both been amusing and annoying. She seems intent on scoring higher than Caleb at all costs.

From her behaviour, I'm starting to think this was how she spent her past weeks. Maybe she really has been busy with school work, and I'm just putting too much thought on why she was avoiding me. On the other hand, I also have a tiny suspicion that Tris avoiding me had something to do with Lauren. But I don't have a basis for that assumption, aside from my own feelings and the part of me that wants to believe Tris feels something when she sees me with Lauren—or just feels something in general. Something different from what we've always had.

I watch her say something to Caleb who's putting on a pair of oven mitts and shrugs. Tris rolls her eyes, seemingly annoyed and starts pulling out plates and silverware from a cabinet. When she turns and her eyes meet mine through the archway, I should feel shameful for staring, but I don't, and she's too busy to notice anyway. Tris holds up a fork in one hand and points to it with another, tilting her head in a questioning manner.

I smile and get up from my seat in the living room. It's a sign I recognize, because even though they don't let me help prepare the dishes, Tris sometimes asks me to help her set the table. I meet her in the dining room and take some of the silverware from her.

"Finally, I was dying from boredom," I say.

"Yeah, I figured. What're they talking about?" Tris tilts her head towards the living room where Dad and Marcus are.

"Don't know. I wasn't listening."

She begins distributing the plates while I set the silverware. "You're staying after dinner, right?"

"Why?"

"I thought you were going to study with me," she says with a frown.

I barely stop myself from rolling my eyes. "Why don't you study with Caleb?"

Tris' frown deepens as she sets the last plate down with controlled force and crosses her arms. The ties of her apron unravel and hang limply on the sides. "He said he has something else to do and he's 'already prepared' for chemistry," she mocks, imitating Caleb's lower tone.

I laugh. "Fine, I'll study with you," I say as I finish setting the silverware. "I think I need it anyway."

"Good." She beams in satisfaction and starts heading back to the kitchen.

"Hold on." I place a hand on her shoulder to keep her from turning around to face me.

"What?"

I take the ties of the apron from her sides and pull them behind her, knotting them into a loose bow that settles at her lower back. When I'm done, my hands linger and I'm tempted to wrap my arms around her—to pull her close and rest my chin on her shoulders. And it's strange, because I've never had these feelings for Tris before, or for anyone, really. I close my eyes briefly and in the darkness, I can hear Zeke's voice.

"_You're in love with your best friend."_

I open my eyes and let out a small sigh. I give her shoulders a gentle push towards the kitchen. "There," I say quietly.

"Thanks…" Tris mumbles. Her hand reaches back to lightly finger the knot.

I help her bring the food out to the dining table and I'm very thankful by the time dinner starts because I'm starving. I busy myself with the food while I listen to the adults talk. As much as I love the Priors, dinner at their house can be stifling. There's no sharing time today. Mom, Dad, and Marcus converse about their work, the news, and even the weather. Caleb, Tris, and I eat politely in our seats, not speaking unless we're spoken to.

Eventually, the conversation does steer towards us. Our parents ask about our plans after high school. Caleb speaks confidently about wanting to become a doctor and the various institutions he plans to apply to.

"Ms. Matthews says my marks are high enough, and she thinks I have a very good chance of getting into my top choices," he says with a slight of arrogance.

Marcus praises Caleb and causes a rather proud smile to split Dad's face.

"Oh, your son is doing well too, Marcus," Dad says, turning to me. "Beatrice told me you want to study computer engineering."

I look at Tris and she smiles sheepishly at me. "Yeah, but I'm still looking into where I want to apply."

"Computers?" Marcus asks in confusion. I avoid looking at him. I've never told him what my plans are, but it's not like he has ever asked either. Marcus clears his throat. "And what about you, Beatrice?"

Tris doesn't look up from her food as she answers, "I'm not sure yet."

Marcus nods briefly at her blunt reply. Mom laughs, directing the attention from Tris. "They still have a lot of time to decide. There's a long road ahead of them."

"Yes, back when I graduated high school, I never thought I would be working for the government." Dad chuckles and the adults lapse into reminiscing their high school days.

There's the traditional dessert following dinner—a pumpkin pie that Marcus baked. I used to help him bake the pie every year when I was younger, but eventually, he just began baking them himself. After that, everyone takes part in clearing the dishes and cleaning the table after we finish—another thanksgiving tradition for us.

"I'm staying," I tell him Marcus when he puts on his jacket and prepares to leave. Although we live a street away, he drove because of the cold weather and the snow outside. The first snow fall of the season has collided with the Thanksgiving holiday this year.

Marcus' lips are pursed in disapproval while he scrutinizes me. I'm taller than him but somehow, it feels like he's looking down at me.

"Tris and I are studying. We have a test tomorrow."

"Tobias," he starts, a warning in his voice. "It's already late."

Dad appears beside me and puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. "It's alright, Marcus. He can stay in the guest room."

"Why call it a guest room?" Mom jests warmly. "It's really Tobias' room. We don't have any other guests except for him."

"I suppose that's true," Dad answers back with a laugh. "And he can borrow Caleb's clothes."

Marcus inwardly debates whether he should trust me to behave myself or not. After a moment, he finally nods. "Very well then," he says, smiling at Mom and Dad. "Good-night Andrew, Natalie."

Dad and I go upstairs to Caleb's room to search for something I can wear. Everything looks like a tight fit since Caleb is slightly shorter and leaner than I am. Luckily, Mom finds a set of clothes in the guest room that I must have left behind the last time I stayed here. I recognize the shirt I lost some time last year. I use one of the bathrooms to shower and change.

By the time I head back downstairs, the house is already quiet. I'm guessing everyone is preparing for bed. I find Tris in the living room, lit only by a floor lamp. She's wearing grey sweatpants and a loose T-shirt while she sits cross-legged in front of the coffee table with her back facing the couch. Her hair is still in a messy ponytail as she concentrates on her chemistry notes. I take a seat beside her.

"Did you use my shampoo?" Tris asks, sniffing the air.

"Did I?..." I rake my fingers through my damp hair, thinking. "I used whatever was there."

"So you did."

I frown, finally recognizing the pleasant smell of peaches and cream. "Damn, I smell like a girl now."

Tris smiles amusedly before turning back to her books.

We go through review questions, working out chemical equations and drawing molecular structures. Between the two of us, I have no doubt she's the smarter one. I make the effort to ask her a ton of questions—things I'm not sure about but also things I already know—because I know having her explain the concepts out loud helps her study. I try to pay attention to what she's saying, for my own sake, but I get distracted by the way her eyes look—bright and curious and beautiful.

Eventually, we dwindle down to only working on questions and comparing answers. My legs begin to feel stiff from sitting on the floor and my interest in studying starts to thin. Tris' pencil scrapes quietly against her notebook while the clock on the wall continues to tick away.

"Are you planning to pull an all-nighter?" I ask through a yawn.

Tris glances at the clock—it's almost midnight. "No, but I'm not tired yet."

I stand up to stretch my limbs, and then I lie on the couch, not necessarily tired but definitely bored from studying.

"I've never actually pulled an all-nighter before," Tris muses, still writing.

"Yeah, I know. And you've never skipped class before. What kind of teenager are you?"

"You've never skipped class before either," she replies quickly.

"Yes I have, and I'm going to make you skip class with me one day, just for the sake of it."

Tris scoffs but I can see a content smile on her lips, and I feel myself smiling too. I close my eyes momentarily and let the silence settle between us. It's comforting, and there's something about her presence that speaks louder than words.

"During dinner…" I start after a few minutes. "Marcus asked you what your plans are. Are you really still not sure?" I ask hesitantly. It's been a few months but I can still recall the conversation we had in her backyard on the first day of school. I wonder if that didn't help at all.

"I thought about it, and I guess I do want to try for med school," Tris says, her voice timid. "But I'm not too confident about it, and after what Caleb said at dinner… I don't know. It would sound like I'm only following in his footsteps."

"But you're not," I assure her. Her recent eagerness to do better than Caleb starts to make sense to me. It's difficult enough to have an older sibling to be compared to, but to be the same age and have the same aspirations make the competition even worse. Tris must feel like Caleb's shadow, and the fact that he's doing so well in school doesn't help her either.

"You know, I had this thought the other day—that maybe Caleb is only doing well in chem because Ms. Matthews is favouring him," she confesses, biting her lips. "But then I felt bad for thinking it, because… it's unfair for me to think of Caleb that way. And I know it's not true because he's doing well in other classes too."

"You're more than just 'Caleb's sister', Tris. Don't worry about what your brother is doing and just do your own thing." I try to sound encouraging but I'm almost certain I fail at it.

She sighs. "If only you had a sibling, then maybe you'd understand."

"Unfortunately, I don't. The closest thing I have is you and Caleb."

The scratching of her pencil stops. My heart does too, just for a second, as I realize how wrong that sounded. I desperately want to shove the words back down my throat.

"I'm not your sister," Tris says.

"You're not," I answer back seriously, because everything would be terribly wrong if she was. "I'm glad you're not."

She shoots me a questioning glance.

"You're not my sister," I say again to reassure her, staring back confidently. I don't want her to think I see her as a sister. And I definitely don't want her to regard me as a brother either.

When she starts writing again, her expression is guarded and I can't tell what she's thinking.

"I can never see you as a sister, Tris," I tell her honestly. It takes an agonizing moment before she hums in response and nods, and I hope it's her way of saying she believes me. I close my eyes. "And anyway, it would suck to have you as a little sister. You're so stubborn."

"Like you're any better," Tris replies. "You're just as stubborn as me. And just for the record, I'm older than you."

"Only by a few months," I mutter bitterly. When I open my eyes, there are strange shapes in my vision. I blink them away. "Who cares if I'm stubborn anyway? I'm not like you. There are no expectations for me. I can be however I want, do whatever I want, and no one would care."

"I would."

My heart jumps at her simple response. The way she says she would care—without hesitation, as if it's obvious and easy to admit—pulls the air out of my lungs and leaves me speechless. It shouldn't come as a surprise to me. Tris cares about me—I should know that already. But hearing her say it out loud hastens my heart rate and fills me with an emotion so strong, all I want is to draw her closer and hold her in my arms.

A few strands of golden hair frame the side of her face and I impulsively reach out to tuck them behind her ear. She stiffens at the contact, but doesn't pull away.

My finger then finds her back, giving in to the urge to touch her. I gently trace the curve of her shoulder blade. I can hear her sharp intake of breath but aside from the involuntary display of surprise, she doesn't acknowledge my actions.

"Guess what I'm drawing."

That catches her attention. Tris' eyes lift upwards in a thoughtful expression as she concentrates on the movements of my fingers.

"I have no idea," she says when I'm done.

"It's a sand castle."

She lifts an eyebrow. "A _sand_ castle? Are you sure it's not a regular castle?"

"Well…" I poke her a dozen times. "There. That's supposed to be sand."

Tris laughs and I can feel her body trembling beneath my fingertips. She shakes her head at me and goes back to her notes.

I continue to draw random shapes, trailing my finger across the canvas of her back. Her warmth seeps through the fabric of her shirt and it tempts me to rest my palm against her. But I don't let myself stop, knowing that if I do, I won't want to move again. I swallow the temptation and keep going, slowly letting my finger travel down her spine. She shivers.

"It tickles," Tris says softly. The reaction lifts my lips into a grin, but I reluctantly pull away and let her focus.

I watch her, my eyes heavy with sleep. She works diligently despite the late hours. Her lips pinch tight together and her chin quivers when she suppresses a yawn.

I finally let myself think that maybe, Zeke was right.

I grew up with no mother and a father who left me to my own devices. I've always been grateful for the Priors because they, in some sense, took me in and treated me almost like family. But the person that was there for me the most was Tris.

We were more than just friends who hung out together and had common interests. She was always there for me. Even though she was the good child, she let me drag her into trouble and would sit through detention with me. Whenever my thoughts became dark, she was the voice of reasoning that pulled me back. Tris always believed in me. She had faith in me, and I think I would have become a much different person if she hadn't been there for me. In my otherwise depressing life, she has always been my solace.

I suddenly wonder if I've been heading to this inevitable end all along. Maybe all these years, I've just been slowly falling in love with her. Or maybe I've been in love with her for a long time now without realizing it. I don't know which it is, but I suppose it doesn't matter. What does matter is that I'm in love with my best friend.

But along with that thought, I also feel something resembling guilt surface to the forefront of my mind, because the last time I thought I had feelings for someone, I ended up hurting her. I haven't been able to look at Lauren this entire week without feeling sorry. It's difficult enough to know that I hurt her, but now, I'm also scared I won't be able to fulfill the one thing she asked of me.

"_If you're ever with Tris… make sure you don't hurt her."_

I hate myself for what I did to Lauren, but it would absolutely break me if I hurt Tris the same way. And I don't trust myself not to do that.

* * *

Coincidently posting this on (Canadian) Thanksgiving weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!

For some reason, I gave birthdays to the major characters in the story. All the senior kids were born in the same year, with the exception of Caleb who is born the year before but is somehow in the same school year... It's a plot hole, but whatever, this is fanfiction. I should've made Tris and Caleb twins but I think it's too late to suddenly say they are now. Tobias' birthday is in November and Tris' birthday is in April, so in this twisted AU, Tris is older than Tobias.

I'm having a major case of writer's block. Aside from revising this chapter, I haven't written anything all week. And the only reason I bothered revising at all was so I can post this up and let you guys know I might not update for a while. So… yeah, I'm gonna disappear now… If I don't update for several weeks, feel free to send me some threatening PMs so I can kick myself back into writing. (In fact, I would appreciate that because I'm kind of scared I'll stop writing entirely…)


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

**- Tris -**

I stare out the window of the bus. The glass is fogged up and marked by the slush of dirt and snow from the roads. All I can see through it is darkness and the blur of lights that we drive pass. The bus is moving at a slower pace than usual thanks to the weather. I check the time on my phone, telling myself not to worry—that Tobias is right—we have lots of time. It's the first day of work for both of us but I'm the only one nervous.

Over the weekend, we both met with the supervisor at the skating rink for a bit of employee training. Ed, our supervisor, works at the entrance to collect admission fares while Tobias and I are stationed at the skate rental and the concession stand respectively. I thought it would take more than the three of us to run the place, but according to Ed, we're more than enough.

"Not everyone needs to rent skates, and not everyone will want food," he had reasoned. "During a hockey game, the concession stand is busy but during recreational skating? Not so much."

We only work during the recreational skating times, which are Wednesday evenings and Sunday afternoons, and if Ed is right, my job will mostly be standing around and selling candy bars to kids.

Tobias nudges me gently. "Don't tell me you're still thinking about that stupid test."

"I'm not..."

We received our chemistry tests back today—the test Tobias and I studied for on Thanksgiving night. I did well, but still didn't manage to beat Caleb.

"…But now that you mention it, I wish I did a _little_ bit better," I say honestly.

"You got a fucking ninety-five, Tris."

I cringe at his choice of words. "I know…" I let out a small sigh. "It bugs me though—getting the same mark as Caleb. I mean I studied so much more than he did…"

"You guys got the highest marks in the class, and if it wasn't for the trick question Matthews put on the test, you guys would've gotten perfect." Tobias rolls his eyes. "You almost _can't_ do better."

"Yeah…" I bite my lower lip, knowing Tobias finds my obsession with school marks over the top these days. I check the time again as the bus stops at an intersection. The glare of the red traffic light spills from the bus' windshield.

"I wish I had a car," Tobias says out of nowhere.

"…Why?"

"It would be more convenient to get around," Tobias answers with a shrug. "And we wouldn't have to bus to work."

"You can always borrow my parents' car," I offer, knowing they wouldn't mind. Both my parents have their own cars and they never mind when Caleb and I borrow them—most of the time. My parents are uncomfortable with me driving in the winter because I got my license during the summer time. According to them, I'm not experienced enough to drive through the winter roads unsupervised. Apparently, the same rules don't apply to Caleb.

"Yeah… but I want my own car."

"Because every seventeen year old can afford their own car, right?"

He sighs at my sarcastic remark and his shoulders slumps. "I want to save up for one. But I also need to save up for college, in case Marcus doesn't support me anymore once I graduate high school."

"He's not going to help pay for your tuition?"

"Don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't."

I bite the side of my cheek in thought. "I think he would... What else will Marcus do with his money? He's not the type to indulge in his wealth and he has nothing to spend it on."

"I guess," Tobias says quietly. After a while, he adds, "I'm not sure I want him to help anyway."

I nod, but there's a part of me that knows better. Even though he says he wants to be independent and be rid of Marcus, I know he's still a son that craves his father's affections. There's a part of him that simply wants to be a son his father will acknowledge and be proud of. I doubt it's something Tobias will ever admit, to me or to himself, but over the years, I've learned that he loves Marcus—or at least wants to—and it would mean so much to him if Marcus cares a little more.

I have no doubt that Marcus would buy him a car if he reasoned properly for it. But money isn't the type of thing he truly wants from his father, and he's too stubborn to plead for it.

I suppose I wouldn't either.

I nudge Tobias playfully with my shoulder. "I like taking the bus."

Tobias shoots me a questioning look.

"You're going to get a car one day, and you'll spend the rest of your life driving. How often will you take the bus again? You should enjoy this while you can. Trust me, you'll look back one day and remember how great it was to take the bus to work with me," I say with an impish smile.

He laughs. "I'll remember this moment so when I think back on how much it sucked to take the bus, I can tell you: you were wrong."

I pout and jab him in the ribs.

"Ow." Tobias shifts away with a pained expression—as if it hurts through his thick winter jacket. "Fine, fine. If it makes you feel better, at least it sucks less when I get to bus with my best friend."

I roll my eyes, shaking my head at the grin on his face.

When we arrive at work, Ed talks to us briefly before sending us off. We have no uniforms to wear, just a lousy clip-on name tag. When I get to the concession stand, I take off my jacket and clip the tag onto my sweater. The stand is quite large in order to fit a popcorn maker, a grill, and a fryer—none of which I'm supposed to use. Those are mostly reserved for hockey games or other big events. I set up the small machine for hot drinks like how Ed taught me and perch myself on the small stool behind the cash register.

From my spot at the concession stand, I can see the side of the entrance but I can't see Ed who's working inside the booth. However, I can see Tobias at the skate rental area. As people start to come in, many of them go there for skates, though some also brought their own. No one seems interested in the concession stand yet, which is reasonable since they came to skate. I rest my chin on a fist as I watch the stream of people flowing in from the entrance.

But my eyes often drift towards Tobias. I feel myself chuckling as I notice his rather unfriendly expression. He's not someone who smiles easily so he often looks cold and intimidating. I take out my phone to send him a text.

_Smile more. The temperature in here is cool enough without your poker face. :) – Tris _

It takes some time before the crowd at the skate rental clears. I watch Tobias sit down and pull out his phone. A smile lights up his face as he types something back and I take my phone out when it vibrates in my pocket.

_Yes ma'am. :D –Tobias_

I grin and look up to see him grinning back at me from where he is.

-x-

On Friday evening, I have dinner with Christina at her favourite Greek restaurant to cheer her up. Will forgot about their anniversary the day before and she's been sulking ever since. Shauna and Marlene are supposed to be here but they're out for a double date with their Pedrad boyfriends.

Christina's phone rings for the fifth time this hour. She frowns at it before dismissing the call.

"Maybe you should pick it up," I suggest, after taking a bite of my gyro.

"I can't believe he forgot our one year anniversary," she mutters darkly.

"Yeah… and he didn't realize it until you told him?"

"Yeah… earlier today." She picks up a skewer from her souvlaki dish and pokes at the cucumbers in her salad. "I mean, I'd feel better if he eventually remembered. But he didn't even. He was making excuses and said I remembered wrong."

"Hm…" I nod, keeping my stance neutral. I carefully ask, "And you haven't remembered wrong?"

"Of course not. Our first kiss was on December fourth of last year," she answers, pushing the cucumbers aside. "You know I remember this kind of stuff."

"Yeah, that's true."

Christina is the type of person who remembers dates like that, but Will isn't inconsiderate or forgetful either.

"You should talk to him, Chris. If anything, at least let him apologize."

"Whatever," she says, but I don't miss the sight of her glancing at her phone. "Thanks for having dinner with me, unlike those two traitors." Christina pouts in mock annoyance, though I know she's only kidding about Shauna and Marlene.

"That's what friends are for," I say, smiling back.

"Yeah, but I'm always the one complaining about my guy problems."

I roll my eyes. "That's because I don't have someone to complain about."

"Right…" she laughs. "Actually, that makes me wonder... Do you talk to Four like this too? About relationship problems?"

I haven't dated a lot of guys in my life. In fact, there's just one—Peter. Thinking back, I never talked to Tobias about Peter, mainly because he never liked Peter. Sure, he didn't oppose to me dating him, but I always knew they disliked each other. Most of the time, when I had to talk or vent about Peter, I went to my girl friends. It's just the type of thing I'd rather do with other girls.

Before Tobias started dating Lauren, we sort of talked about that, but he has mostly kept his relationship problems to himself ever since.

I wipe my mouth carefully and reach for my drink. "Not really…"

"So you don't know what happened between Lauren and him?" Christina asks, reading my thought.

"No… Why? Do you know?"

"Nope. I thought you would though."

"I don't…" I bite my lower lip anxiously. "But you know…" I trail off. Christina arches an eyebrow at me and nods, prompting me to continue.

I don't like to gossip. What happened between Tobias and Lauren should remain between them, and what Lauren's friends think about the matter is none of my business. However, I find myself telling Christina about what I overheard. The conversation between Angie, Grace, and Pamela has been bothering so much I'm just want to get it off my chest.

"…you think it's your fault that they broke up?"

I look down at my plate, biting my cheek. "Well, I don't know, actually."

"How could it be your fault when you didn't do anything? You were avoiding Four the whole time they were dating."

"Exactly. But I—Wait, what?" I snap my gaze towards Christina.

She wears a knowing smile. "You _were_ avoiding Four."

I blink confusedly as I stare back at her.

"You were avoiding him. Because you were mad that he was spending time with Lauren?" She questions, like she did not just trap me.

"What makes you say that?"

"The way you told him to 'go find Lauren' that time we were in the art room," Christina answers briskly. "So?"

I narrow my eyes at her. "Why does it feel like I'm being interrogated?"

"It runs in the family. Since my mom's a lawyer, I picked up some interrogation skills from her." She shrugs casually. "Now don't change the subject. Were you …mad because he was spending time with Lauren?"

I bite my lower lip, knowing—and hating how—I can't lie to Christina. She's intuitive when it comes to reading other people and I'm an open book to her.

"I wasn't mad," I sigh, giving in. "I was …uncomfortable seeing them together, but that's because… I was mostly avoiding him because I was afraid of my own feelings," I say, remembering how it was her outburst that made me realize this.

Christina puckers her lips, looking perplexed—which surprises me. Either she really doesn't get it, or she's torturing me.

"I think …I like him," I confess, feeling the heat rush to my cheek. It's been about a month since I've started feeling this way. Physically, I've avoided Tobias, while mentally, I've told myself I shouldn't like him, yet those feelings are still there. So I've somewhat come to terms with them—accepted that they're not going to magically disappear as much as I want them to—but this is the first time I've admitted it out loud.

Christina's eyes widen and her mouth drops open. "Are you serious?"

I shoot her a pointed glare.

"I kind of had that idea, in the back of my mind, you know. But I never did understand the whole 'we're-just-friends' thing between you two so I thought I was wrong. Well, well…" She smirks.

"Can we just get back on topic?"

"Which is…"

"Um… that… Angie and them are probably wrong. Because I haven't been around Lauren and Tobias a lot when they were together."

"Uh huh…"

"Yeah…" I mumble uncertainly. "Except, I feel guilty anyway, like it _is_ my fault. Maybe I'm just paranoid, and… the guilt is really from me having my own secrets. But, I don't know…"

"Okay… well, this is what I think." She takes a sip of her drink, and I wonder if she's purposely pausing for effect. "I think it's not your _fault_, but it's possible that you _could_ be why they broke up."

I frown. "…What does that mean?"

"Just because you're not physically there, doesn't mean you're not part of his life, Tris. Remember that day in the art room?"

"Mhm…"

"Four said he wasn't looking for Lauren, so why do you think he was there? Because he certainly wasn't looking for me either."

"…You have a good memory," I note, avoiding the point.

Christina rolls her eyes. "Only because it made me want to tease 'he likes you' if you two didn't have this strict 'we're-friends' shit going on, which is like, totally messed up now by the way." She waves her hands wildly.

A waitress catches sight of her gesture and mistakes it to being called. Luckily, we're both finished so she takes our plates away. "I'll be right back with your desserts," she says with a kind smile.

Once she's gone, Christina starts talking again. "Remember when I started dating Will?" I nod, and she continues. "I shut the rest of the world out and I only wanted to spend time with him."

"Yeah, and whenever you talked to us, it was always about him," I scoff at the memory.

She smiles sheepishly. "Yeah, I'm not proud of it. But that's what people do when they first get into a relationship. You lose sight of everything except for that other person."

"Okay…" I lift an eyebrow, wondering what she's getting at.

"Four came to look for you even though he could have been spending time with his new girlfriend." Christina shrugs. "I just think that means something…"

The waitress returns and sets our dessert down—some sort of cake Christina ordered for the both of us. We thank her and she leaves again.

I think back to dating Peter and I understand what Christina's saying. There was a short while when we first started dating where everything else took the backseat. I hadn't ignored all my friends—at least, I hope I didn't—but I was blinded by the happiness of being in that relationship. As much as I hate to admit it, my world revolved around Peter during that time.

Then I think of Tobias and how he kept trying to talk to me while I kept trying to push him away. I remember all the texts I purposely ignored or responded to with short one-worded replies. Despite my lack of response, he still tried to talk to me when he really could have spent that time with Lauren instead.

"So it _is_ my fault…"

"It's not your fault, Tris. But maybe you're the _reason_ why they broke up," Christina placates. She takes a bite of her cake and hums with satisfaction.

I take a bite of mine as well. It tastes delicious—lemon cake—but it doesn't make me feel any better.

"So are you gonna tell him?" Christina asks.

"What?

"Are you gonna tell Four you like him?"

"Of course not," I answer, looking at her like she's crazy.

"Why?"

"Are you kidding?"

Christina gives me a disapproving frown.

"I feel horrible, Chris. First, I pushed him away. Then, I might be 'the reason' why he broke up with Lauren. "

"So you're just gonna crush on your best friend for the rest of your life?"

I grimace at her bluntness.

"Seriously, them breaking up is not your fault. And come on, they dated for only two weeks and it's almost _been_ two weeks since they broke up."

"Fine, but that's not even the worst thing." I sigh miserably. "The worst thing is he's my best friend."

Christina watches me, her expression thoughtful.

"He doesn't like me," I say quietly. "He's my best friend. If I tell him, things will just be awkward between us. And even if by some crazy chance, he likes me, what happens if it doesn't work out? Then I'm not just 'breaking up' with someone. I might be losing my best friend too, and… I don't…" I take a deep breath, swallowing the sentence back down even though it rings loud in my mind. _I don't want to lose Tobias._ I sigh again. "What would you do?"

"I… don't know, honestly. I guess I understand why you wouldn't want to tell him though." Christina pushes her plate away as she finishes her cake. "But you know, my life motto is 'be true to yourself' so… I think, you should give it a shot."

"…Really?" I twist the fork in my hand.

"Even if things don't work out, there's a chance you can still be friends again. I know the stakes are high, but sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith." Christina taps at her chin. "Just think about it: if you don't at least try, he might be 'the one that got away' for you, except he's also gonna be there as your best friend to remind you of that and the whole thing's gonna be the biggest regret of your life."

"That sounds dramatic…" I laugh weakly.

"I'm being serious," Christina replies with a pout. "You don't have to tell him right away, but at least think about it."

"Yeah…" I mumble and finish the last bite of my cake. "You give pretty good advice sometimes."

"What do you mean 'sometimes'?" She rolls her eyes. "And I can't believe we spent so much time talking about your guy problems after all. I was supposed to be complaining about Will."

"Well, I have some advice for you too," I say, grinning.

"What?"

"Call him."

Christina sighs. "Yeah, I will…" she grumbles, glancing at her phone again.

* * *

I'm writing slowly these days, but hey, at least it's moving. I feel guilty for not writing since there are reviews asking me to update, and there's also a voice in my head that tells me to go write if I stop for too long, so I guess that's good. Anyhow, I'm gonna set a deadline for the next chapter so that I will be pressured to write. So before I decide otherwise, I'm gonna say the next chapter will be up by Nov 11. It really shouldn't take me a week to write 2k words, but The Retribution of Mara Dyer is coming out tomorrow and depending on when my book arrives (which I hope is tomorrow!), I need some time to read this week. (:

Sorry I didn't reply to any of the reviews from last time. But I did read them! Thanks for all your kind words and encouragements! :3 And I promise there will be fluff very soon.

Also, kudos to people doing NaNoWriMo! You're amazing! :D


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

**- Tobias -**

I lower the speed on the treadmill to a light jog to slow down my heart rate and walk off my work out. I'm currently at the gym with the guys, or at least the Pedrad brothers. Will is busy patching things up with his girlfriend. From what I heard, they had a disagreement on their anniversary date—the date of their first kiss versus their first actual date.

Zeke appears beside me as I'm setting the treadmill speed to a fast walk.

"What's up?" He says with a wide smile.

I stare at him emotionlessly. He sounds like how he did when he was trying to flirt with a girl earlier. Having a girlfriend doesn't stop him from flirting when she's not around. I keep my mouth shut about it because I know he never takes it too far. In fact, when a girl starts to show interest in going out for a date, he shamelessly lays down the girlfriend card—as if he's not the one who initiated the flirting.

When it doesn't look like I'll be responding, Zeke tilts his head curiously.

"How's Tris?"

My eyes narrow automatically at how he phrases the question. I look around to see if Uriah's nearby.

"Calm down." Zeke rolls his eyes. "Uri's all the way over there." He nods towards the other end of the gym where his brother is lifting weights.

"What do you want me to say?"

He shrugs. "It's already been two weeks. I thought you would've asked her out by now."

"I'm… not going to ask her out."

I'm curious to know whether Tris' feelings have changed towards me. But while I hope Tris feels the same way about me as I'm starting to feel about her, I also don't want things to become complicated between us. We've built a friendship over so many years, and it has always felt like something that's strong and able to withstand anything. But when I think about these new feelings coming into play, our friendship suddenly looks like a castle in the sand, waiting for an impending wave to sweep it away.

And anyway, how does one go about asking their best friend of twelve years to go out with them?

Zeke makes a face like he just tasted something sour. "Why not?"

I stop the treadmill and grab my water bottle from the holder, taking huge gulps from it. We find a place to sit down while we wait for Uriah to finish up.

"Don't tell me you still think you don't have feelings for her." He crosses his arms. "If you two weren't so adamant about being best friends for all the years we've known you, even my dumbass brother could've guessed by now."

"We're fine with how things are, so why change it?"

"Seriously?" Zeke asks, his voice disbelieving. "You're fine with being 'just friends'? I dare you to tell me you haven't thought about kissing her."

I swallow the lump in my throat. I _have_ thought about kissing her—more than once. As much as I want it to be a temptation that will disappear with time, it's more likes thirst that needs to be quenched.

"I don't want to risk our friendship, Zeke." I rub my neck tiredly. "It's not worth it."

"Not to you, maybe. But what if Tris feels the same way and she wants to take the risk?"

I eye Zeke warily. There's a part of me that believes Tris does feel the same way—the same part that thinks she was avoiding me and Lauren when the two of us were together, and thinks that she has been looking at my differently these days. But I haven't talked to Zeke about any of that. Either he's making a wild assumption or he guessing based on his own observations.

"I don't want to hurt her like how I hurt Lauren," I admit solemnly.

"That's totally different. You didn't even like Lauren."

"Well, I did at some point or I wouldn't have kissed her," I reply, my voice sharp. "What if you were right? What if I'm a player in the making? What if my feelings for Tris disappear just as quickly and I hurt her just like how I hurt Lauren?"

"And what if I was wrong?" Zeke says quickly. His expression is serious when he looks at me. After a few second, he sighs. "Look, I shouldn't have said those things to you. It's… you're not like that, man. You're loyal as fuck. You even said so yourself—Tris will always be your first choice. _Always_. That's not something someone would say if their feelings can change with a snap of a finger."

I avoid looking at him as he talks, focusing my gaze on the floor instead.

"If you think what you feel for her is not worth risking your friendship, then don't. But from experience, I can tell you it's going to change. Shauna and I were friends for a long time before we started dating and I remember thinking the same thing once. Our friendship was nowhere close to what you and Tris have, but still..." He ruffles his hair messily. I wonder if it's a sign of frustration. "You'll eventually want to be with her as someone else, because 'best friends' won't be enough anymore."

Zeke pats my shoulder and gets up, leaving me with my thoughts.

-x-

I enter the house and close the door silently, shifting the gym bag on my shoulder. I make for the stairs but stop when I notice the boxes. A pile of them are stacked against the wall, right beside the door to the basement.

We use the basement as a storage room of sorts, so I assume Marcus is cleaning it up or looking for something. But as I'm about to turn away, I see the contents of a box that has been opened. Clothes. My mother's clothes.

I walk towards the boxes and open them one by one, revealing more of Mother's old possessions. Her clothes. Her jewellery. Her books. Her CDs. And even her photo albums. My hands compress into tight fists when Marcus emerges from the basement with another box.

"What are you doing?" I ask quietly.

"Clearing out some of the things in the basement."

"Those are Mother's things."

"Yes."

"You can't just throw away her stuff!" I say, my voice rising.

Marcus sets the box on the ground, not breaking his stern gaze from me. "I should have gotten rid of them a long time ago."

"No. You can't."

"She's dead, Tobias." He sounds calm but I notice the tense set of his jaws. "I'm tired of seeing of her things lying around."

"What are you talking about?!" I question, feeling incredulous. "You've always hidden her things away like you wish she didn't exist. There isn't a picture of her anywhere in the house except in my room! All of her things have been hidden in the basement, like you don't even want to see a trace of her!

"Why does it matter to you?! She's gone!" He barks, letting the cool façade fall. After a tense pause, he adds, "and you'll be gone soon too!"

I feel fury in my blood. My fists are held so tightly they begin to hurt. I stare back at Marcus without flinching. The ice of his eyes pierces me and leaves me with an empty coldness.

I hate that my eyes probably look like that when I'm mad—like right now.

"Wouldn't it be nice if it was that easy to get rid of me?" I hiss venomously. "You should've packed me in a box and threw me away while I still fit in one. Then you wouldn't have had to deal with this burden of a son."

I take one of the boxes with me and stomp upstairs to my room, slamming the door while I'm at it. I drop the box onto the floor and slam a fist on my desk. The objects on it rattle nervously.

I sink to the floor beside the box and lean my head against the leg of my desk. My breath is heavy as it passes through gritted teeth. I peer at the opened box. I'm glad that through the blinding anger, I managed to pick the box with the photo albums. If there was one thing I wanted to save, it would be the photographs. I choose an album at random and start flipping through it.

My heart clenches at the sight of my mother. These are photos I have never seen, or don't remember seeing. They've been put away by Marcus since my mother died. The only pictures I ever see of her is the one on my bookshelf and the ones that Tris' parents have of her. Seeing her face again in these unfamiliar photographs is queer—it's like I'm really seeing her again.

And it feels like I'm seeing my father again for the first time after eleven years. In the photographs, Marcus is smiling sincerely—an expression I no longer recognize. More than that, he looks very much in love from the way he looks at my mom. My parents hold onto a toddler me as they pose for the photographs. It's a picture perfect image of a happy family. And I wonder if we would be that happy family today if my mom hadn't died.

I take an unsteady breath as I reach for my phone and dial the first person on my contact list. I close my eyes and wait. She picks up on the third ring.

"_Hello?_"

"Hey…"

"_What's up?_" Her voice is uncharacteristically cheerful. It almost makes me smile.

"Nothing... I just wanted to talk."

There's silence on the line for several seconds.

"…_Do you want to talk to Tris the best friend or Tris the therapist?_"

My lips lift into a half-smile. "Just …Tris."

"_Okay…_" I appreciate how she doesn't sound cautious or contrite. But I know she's figured something's wrong from the seriousness that's now in her words. "_Shoot_."

I look down at the photographs in front of me, and flip to the next page.

"I just got home from the gym…"

"_Mhm…"_

I shake my head to clear away that thought. There's no use in beating around the bush. I cut to the point.

"Marcus is clearing out my mom's stuff. He's throwing them away."

"_Oh…_"

"Yeah. He's… He's throwing everything out," I repeat, not knowing what else to say. "Everything… He doesn't even care. He always hid her stuff in our basement, and now he's throwing them out for good."

"_And… did you say anything to him?_"

"Sort of. I know I can't convince him to stop, but I took one of the boxes with me. With photographs of her. He was going to throw them out too. I'm looking through them now and…" I sigh heavily. "I don't get it. The man in these photos was so happy. He was so in love with her. I don't get how he turned into such a cold-hearted asshole."

Tris hums in response, or perhaps in thought. "_Sometimes… it's the closest people in our lives that hurt us the most. Maybe her death really broke him_."

I close the album and drop it on the floor. I go to lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling with my phone still pressed to my ear.

"…_Do you want me to come over?_" Tris asks after I fail to respond.

"No, I'm alright." I bring my arm up to my eyes, blocking out the light. "Sometimes I just wish I was enough," I whisper.

The other end of the line is silent again, so I keep going before I regret voicing my thoughts out loud.

"Why can't I be enough for him to get over his grief? Why does he only see me as a part of her that he doesn't want to remember?" I ask, hating how immature and weak it makes me sound.

"_I don't know, Tobias… But you could be right. Maybe he loved her very much and he just never knew how to deal with her death. In that case, what he's doing right now might be the right thing. I'm not saying he should throw _everything_ out. But what he's doing could be the right step towards letting go._"

I shake my head stubbornly even though she can't see it. "'She's gone.' ….He said it as if he's always accepted that." I don't tell her the next part—how he said I'll be gone soon too, like he's always been waiting for me to leave. It shouldn't surprise me. It doesn't. But it still hurts somehow.

"_I don't…_" Tris sighs, her breath cracks through the phone. "_I don't know, Tobias. I don't know why Marcus is such an asshole and why he's so uncaring_," She admits, defeated. It's not often for Tris to use such vulgar words like 'asshole', and if I wasn't feeling so shitty, I'd probably tease her about it. "_I wish he was different too_," she finishes sadly.

I can hear my own emotions in her voice—the frustration and the disappointment in Marcus. I should feel guilty for pushing my problems onto her, but the fact that she's willing to share my troubles make me appreciate her even more. She sympathizes with me, but instead of consoling me and telling me everything will be alright, she shares my pain. It makes the weight on my shoulders lighter, knowing she's there with me.

Sometimes, what we need is not the sugarcoated lies that life is good, but the painful truth that life sucks, yet somehow, we'll get through it together. Despite how much my life has sucked, I've always been able to face it because of her. It makes me think I'll always be able to endure the bad things life has to throw at me, as long as Tris is by my side.

And as corny as it sounds, I can't imagine going through life with anyone else.

Her voice interrupts my thoughts.

"_Tobias?_"

"…Yeah?"

"_Just making sure you're still there…"_ Tris says anxiously. I can almost see her biting her lips.

I try to picture her in my mind, of what she might look like right now. Perhaps sitting in her room, in the comfortable clothes she usually wears at home. Her hair is likely tied up in a messy bun or ponytail. I imagine her holding the phone to her ear, a frown in her features and worried creases on her forehead. I wonder what she was doing before I called.

"What were you doing?"

"_Huh?"_

"Before I called." I clarify, hoping she'll let me change the subject. I don't want to talk about Marcus anymore. I don't want to spend so much time thinking about someone who's only ever made me feel lonely and angry and sad. Not when I can be thinking of someone who makes me happy—and loved.

"It better not be studying,' I tease lightly.

"_Oh, um..._" Tris chuckles. "_No, I wasn't studying. Just watching TV. Well, on my computer…"_

"Did Marlene finally convince you to watch that stupid vampire series?"

"_Shut up_," Tris grumbles. "_It's actually not that bad…_"

"What's it about?"

"_Why do you care if it's 'stupid'?_"

"Here's your chance to change my mind then."

Tris hums in thought before she lapses into an explanation about the TV series she's watching. I'm only partially paying attention as I let myself drown in her voice and my thoughts.

After what happened between Lauren and me, I'm afraid of hurting Tris in the same way. I don't know if I can trust Zeke's reassurance because the truth is, I've never had a long term relationship. It didn't happen when Nicole and I decided to give it a try. It didn't happen when Lauren and I got together even though I had a crush on her for months. It's unreasonable for me to think I'll never be able to have a long term relationship, but I can't help worrying it might not work with Tris either.

It's even worse when I consider how she's my best friend. Acting on these feelings will jeopardize our friendship. I can't even guess what would happen if I tell Tris how I feel and she doesn't feel the same way. Would we be able to continue what we have now? Would she be more cautious around me? Would things become awkward and make us drift apart? There are so many possibilities of what could happen—many of which results in a crack in our friendship.

But despite all the reasons my mind is giving me to not act on my feelings, I want to. I want to because there's something about her that just feels right. I don't know if it's because we've been best friends for so long, or if it's something else, but what I told Zeke is true. Tris will always come first. I can't imagine it any other way, nor do I want it to be.

She'll always be the first person I'll want to confide in, or celebrate with, or care for.

It's crazy how my feelings for her are so apparent now. I wonder how I didn't realize it before. How could I have never felt this way for all the years we've known each other?

Tris is still rambling on about bloodlust and charming vampires, oblivious to my thoughts and feelings, just as I am oblivious to hers. I don't' know how to tell my best friend of twelve years that I'm in love with her. Or how I'm going to make her fall in love with me if she doesn't feel the same way, but I want to try—despite what my insecurities are telling me.

I want to.

"…_so that's what's happened so far. I think it's pretty good,_" Tris finishes with a pleasant note and take a deep breath. She's been rambling—probably an attempt to keep me from thinking about Marcus. "_You should watch it with me._"

"…It still sounds stupid."

She scoffs and I imagine her rolling her eyes right now. "_I bet you're not even listening._"

I let myself smile as I reply cheekily, "I'm not."

* * *

Next update by Nov 18.


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